Learning to love ourself is not a process done overnight nor is it done from the outside. It's a process done from within FOR US, FROM US. When we can't find a reason why we don't love ourself. Ask the hard questions and dig deep on the reason behind the lack of love we have for ourself.
What are the narratives we have been unconsciously following throughout our life and are still living them out? - Where do these narratives come from? Was it from how our parents projected and spoke about body image? Was it from society’s beauty standards and expectations we have been conditioned in? Was it from the lack of validation and emotional nurturing we had as a child? Was it from our upbringing?
Learning to love ourself is not pretty at first. It's uncomfortable, daunting and confronting. In the process of loving ourself, we need to have honesty, understanding, vulnerability and compassion. We have to be able to hold and give those light aspect to ourself that we haven't accepted.
This is a learning process and a process that we can cultivate from within. It's a process that is going to take time. It's a process that we need to hold not just for ourself but for others as well. As we are just all learning to love ourself in the best way we know.
There are aspects we can not change about ourself. Like our facial features, the country we were born in, the colour of our skin or our height. Those aspects we that we can not change are sometimes hard to accept and love. As those same aspects have been judged by others so we have learnt to also judge them for ourself.
This is the process of learning to love ourself come Unconditional Love. The type of love that we do not have the desire to change anything because that aspect makes us who we are and they are something we can not change.
When we begin the process of accepting and embracing the unchangeable aspects of ourself we begin to feel unconditional love. Which just means we have let go any conditioning and attachment we have tethered ourself to in our order to feel the love from ourself or others.
If we observe many of us hold some sort of conditioning and attachment to love. It creates an imbalance to expect someone to love us more than we love ourself. Because when that expectation falls through we begin to feel resentment towards that person for not meeting our expectation. When in reality we don't even know how to love ourself. So how do we expect others to do the same? We create all these expectations and sometimes they are unspoken and never discussed in the open. When our partner does not meet through these unspoken and undiscussed expectations we create a type of conditioning. One that is invisible to our partner. - Expectations are never a good place to cultivate and build any relationship.
An example of conditioning; "If my partner doesn't unfollow this person on Instagram that mean they don't love me and they find that person attractive. They'll probably cheat on me for that person. So in order for them to love me, they have to unfollow X, Y and Z." - This is an example where we have begun catastrophizing our thoughts. Catastrophizing our thoughts creates anxiety and builds up a narrative that isn't true and is rooted in our insecurity and lack of trust.
Is it really love if it's from a place of hurt and unhealed wound? If it's from a place of insecurities and internalized shame? Is that really what love is? - Maybe it's the love we have only ever experienced. But it doesn't mean it's the only love we deserve. Just because we never experienced unconditional love from others or from ourself. Doesn't mean it doesn't exist
Love ranges from a long spectrum that many of us have not been exposed to or familiar with. Just because we didn't grow up around others who didn't model and projected unconditional love, doesn't mean we will never receive it or cultivate. Before wanting to cultivate that type of love with someone. We need to have cultivated that from within. As we will be familiar with that type of love.
If we have only experienced love from a place of wounds and unhealed people and ourself that is the only type of love that is familiar and comfortable for us. As that type of love is the only love we know.
That is why self-love is important. When we begin this process not only are learning to love ourself. We are also learning our worth, value and we believe we deserve; not just romantically but all kind of relationships. Loving ourself is a must and a needed tool to move and thrive into life. We have to be able to ask ourself the hard questions and answer them with honesty and vulnerability. As those two are the key that creates a solid foundation for the long run. As well as to have an experience that is beyond this world. An experience we all came here to create and cultivate.
Learning to love ourself is a process that isn’t done overnight. There is no due date for this process. Everyone’s on their own journey to loving ourself is not a race nor is it a competition. It is time we acknowledge and support one another on each individual’s journey to evolve.
Be Kinder, Less Critical