*** Be mindful reading this piece the topic is about sexual violence.
Hotlines can found at the end of the post for extra support.

Hearing and seeing all the injustice coming forth in the mainstream media can be triggering old wounds that we might not have acknowledged in the past. We believed that we were ‘over it’ because it isn’t replaying in our minds anymore.

Taken by Merichel Sanchez at the March For Justice in Melbourne (March 2021)

The illusions coming out to the light on what has been happening under the roof of the Parliament House is because women are standing in their power. I don’t know if many people know how much strength and courage it takes to stand up and speak up about sexual violence. It’s not a split-second decision we make as survivours.

Before speaking up we go into a process of contemplating. We contemplate whether it’s the right thing to do or if anyone will believe us? Questioning our worth, value and our credibility; going back into the questioning whether people will believe us or not?

It doesn’t matter how long ago the experience has occurred for us, it doesn’t change the fact we deserve justice and healing of it. We deserve to no longer carry the internalized shame and burden because of it. The weight of carrying something that we didn’t ask for nor do we deserve. This weight is not ours to carry in the first place. -

I’ve been contemplating on which angle I should go with this piece. I kept going back and forth with the healing aspect of it and the system we live in. Two possible way of going about it, although it didn’t sit right with me.

I want to highlight and give light to how hard it is to stand up and speak up. Putting our hands up and saying ‘hey, that happened to me too’, is scary and all these thoughts of being judged or shame pops up. Where we create assumptions and predictions on how others will react to us if we openly say ‘I was sexually assaulted/abused. -

Healing this part of our past can be challenging and uncomfortable, it’s not easy to face something we have been running away from all these years. It’s difficult for survivors to speak up, especially if it occurred years ago. One thought that comes up is ‘shouldn’t (we) be over it by now? It happened so long ago.” - This is just one example of how we internalised shame as survivors.

I can openly say I am a survivor of sexual abuse. That my past hasn’t been all love and light. - I didn’t experience a traditional upbringing where I was able to explore my body or sexuality during my adolescence, or through the phases of ‘innocent flirting’ when dating my first boyfriend. - I had a distorted view of what love, sex and romantic relationships looked like.

The person I am today isn’t because of what happened in my past, it’s because I overcame it. I went on the path of healing and faced what I was running away from all these years. I know it’s not easy or comfortable to face this aspect of our past, as survivors.

I can sincerely say that I've had my battles with going forth with life and I was put in a position to give up my future. Those aspects of my experiences (corny as it might sound) create this knowing that if I can get through that shit and still see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can get through anything.

This type of mentality is what we receive when we don’t make our abuse the key focus of how strong we are. Because that didn’t make us strong, it broke us. What makes us strong is constantly getting up and pushing through our day even though it’s easier to give up and fall victim to our past.

I’m not perfect, I’ve fallen victim to my past before going on the path of healing. I was receptive to escaping through anything I could use. Whether it was drugs, people, activities, I was more open to escaping rather than facing my demons and shadows.

That’s why I know it’s not easy to face this part of our self. It comes with its challenges and hurdles, to face such impactful experiences; an experience we didn’t ask for nor deserve.

That’s the thing though, NOBODY ASKED.

Nobody asked us for consent, we didn’t ask to be violated, we didn’t ask for this horrendous act to be played on us. NOBODY asked and that’s the issue. Consent can not be found in any sexual violence, because nobody asked. -

When we have survivours coming forth and sharing their stories. A story they’ve held onto, a story that’s created internalised shame and self-hatred, we shut the fuck up and listen. It’s uncommon for people to make this shit up.

So when we have people around us being open and vulnerable about their own experiences, be mindful of how hard it is to say it out loud in front of a group of people, let alone the entire fucking county.

Just Be Kinder, Less Critical.

A list of hotlines if you are struggling and need to speak to someone in Australia:

1800RESPECT (National Hotline): 1800 737 732

Sexual Assault Crisis Line (VIC): 1800 806 282

Lifeline (24-Hour Crisis Line): 131114

Sexual Assault Counselling Australia: 1800 211 028

LGBTQ+ Violence Services: 1800 497 212