Self Love:
Our relationship with ourselves is the key to forming healthy external relationships. The way we view ourselves is critical. It shapes how we view everything and everyone around us. If we see ourselves as an unworthy person, will be carrying a belief that we are not good enough making us tolerant certain things, people or environment that we shouldn't. We'll say yes to things that disobey our true selves. Although forming a loving and healthy relationship with ourselves, isn't a walk in the park. It is like learning a whole different language. Loving ourselves in the world where we were taught to compare ourselves and put others needs before ours. For some loving ourselves is exactly like learning a whole new form of language. The thought of loving ourselves is so foreign that we hesitate to do so.
It is a struggle and uncomfortable to see and accept ourselves for just the way we are, the good and the bad. Having to remove the lenses of self-hatred and chuck on the lenses of the Unknown. Something that is unfamiliar and something we can not fully comprehend. For many of us loving ourselves is The Unknown. It is because we tend to hold on to a narrative of self-limiting beliefs that no longer serves us or we have adapted through our upbringing. Although having to let that go would mean having to maneuver certain aspect of ourselves or see a part of ourselves that is still hurting and the thought of that is unbearable.
Self-love requires being uncomfortable. We are going to places we haven't visited before, places we might have hated and ignored within ourselves. It is okay to feel shaky up and anxious. BUT have faith that we will find the Love within ourselves. Having faith in ourselves is a form of self-love. We have to trust and believe that we deserve unconditional love and that is something we can give ourselves.
Learning to love and be our own biggest support is a must. Investing in ourselves is something we should ever feel guilty about. It's not a selfish act to have a desire to learn to love ourselves. Learning is a constant habit we are doing in our life. It is pretty much what life is about. Might as well use this life to learn to love ourselves and seek love from within.
Changing our patterning thoughts:
We have to let go of certain habits, traits, behavioural patterning to experience unconditional love for ourselves. Negative self-talk can be hard to stop. Remembering that negative self-talk is just thoughts. Our thoughts are NOT ALWAYS facts. When reconstructing and changing our way of thinking it is important to PAUSE and OBSERVE the thought. Being able to distinguish and label either the thought being a fact or an assumption. Like any new habit, it is unfamiliar to us and it'll take more energy getting used too. - Pausing and observing how we talk to ourselves is important. The inner dialogue we have with ourselves has a huge impact on my mental and emotional health. In the mids of this comes with practising being open, compassionate and forgiving to ourselves because we do fall back to old habits. It is about being able to bounce back up and as we are learning.
Insecurity:
Insecurity is something we all go through and have. Each and one us have certain things we would like on us or things we don't like about ourselves. Physical appearances such as our nose, colour of our skin and our natural hair are things we are not able to change. We can influence changes through cosmetic surgeries or adding chemicals to our skin etc. Insecurity is something nobody can take away from us. It doesn't disappear even if someone loves you harder. Dealing with insecurity is an inside some. When looking within and learning to love ourselves we debunk those beliefs on why we aren't good enough.
When we beauty on others is a reflection of the beauty with us. It is being able to recognise and find it within us. No human on this Earth is perfect, they might be glamorous but never perfect. Having flaws come with being human.
It doesn’t matter what ingredients we have for our insecurity if self-sabotage is the place you end up. Self-sabotage stems from those self-limiting beliefs we have told ourselves and have turned into blueprints when handling relationships, new opportunities and ourselves. When going within we find the roots of our behaviours.
Cliche as it might sound but SELF-LOVE is the answer to letting go of our outdated self-beliefs. With self-love comes with giving ourself the compassion and nurturing we need when we come to harsh truths and realities.
Fear and Anxiety:
One of the symptoms of anxiety is when someone begins to start avoiding things like seeing friends, turning up to appointments or simple as self-care. Anxiety makes you feel like you are going to miss out but you also dread the feeling of failure. So we begin to avoid, creating more anxiety and putting as in a cycle. This sense of feeling like a failure is an illusion. How we define the word 'failure' is important. The mindset we have for our own definition is important to reconstruct us we change and evolve. Failures are not necessarily bad or negative. It is an opportunity to learn or a redirect to something that is better suited for us.
Failure isn’t something to fear. Sometimes during the moment of the 'failure', we don’t see the blessing within during this period of time as our emotions could be clouding the blessing. And why certain things worked out the way they did. It might be hard to see the bigger picture as there so much movement in the water. Wait, till everything and everyone has calm. Including ourselves. It is okay not to have all the answers right now. Not many of us do. (I believe) fear is something we all need. The issue with fear is letting it overcome us when we let fear run our lives. Where we make our actions based on fear. Being courageous comes with fear. Facing our fear is courageous, I believe that's how fear is transmuted into courage. The action we took to overcome our fear is the 'transmutation'.
Unconditional Love:
Many of us have this unconscious belief that if we 'fix' or help heal others we will be healed. We extend that healer side of us to others is a sign of co-dependency.
In the context of relationships having unconditional love for someone comes with no desire to change them or even the concept being together. When unconditionally love someone we have to sometimes let that person go, not because there is no love. But simply because of the compatibility, there are certain periods of time in our lives that we might be compatible with someone although as we grow that compatibility changes. With our free will we decide that.
When we are going within we have realizations that the love we have accepted or given were not based on unconditional love but attachment. Each and one of us have developed an Attachment Style that impacts our way of forming and engaging with others.
( A link to find YOUR Attachment Style: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/attachment-styles/#attachment-style-quiz )
Having unconditional love for someone comes with not wanting to mould them or change them into our 'perfect' ideal partner. There are no such things as perfect. That's what makes loving someone a courageous act. Even when have the fears and anxieties of the 'what ifs', we are still able to go give that love to someone else even if there is a possibility of it being rejected or have someone break our hearts. Because at the end of the day we will always have the love within us that unconditional love we have for ourself; self-love.
I believe many of us on Earth are learning to love ourselves. Being able to unlock that unconditional love within us is the key to creating our Heaven on Earth.
Be Kinder, Less Critical