The Journey Of Self-Loving

Loving our self unconditionally is a journey and it’s a term that has been thrown out a lot in the recent days. Although loving our self unconditionally isn’t as easy or as glamorous as it sounds. 

When we have adapted to loving our self through the conditioning of fear base foundations, having to reconstruct that causes a tower moment. It’s where we have to tear down our infrastructure back to the foundation to change it to a place of unconditional love. Having a foundation that is fear base will also reflect not just the relationship we have with our self but also those around us and other external factors within our outer world. When we begin to move from a place of unconditional love, we are prompted to let go of those or things, that we are no longer an alignment with.  

By learning to love our self doesn’t necessarily start with love, it usually starts from acknowledging and embracing. What I mean by this is when we acknowledge the relationship we have with our self in the present moment, we embrace who we are now and rather than creating illusions and deception on how we honestly feel and see our self. 

Accepting and embracing where we at in the present moment is key; by doing this we are removing the illusions we have covered our self with. We have to learn and begin somewhere, it is okay to not move from a place of unconditional love, just yet. 

Begin with simply getting to know our self; what sparks that flame of passion and peace within us? Finding those fragments that create those spark is key. This will look different on everyone, as not everyone will have the same fragment of flame. It’s important to solely focus on what makes us passionate and peaceful. Detach from other’s expectation and pressure to be a certain way. 

We shouldn’t mould our self for others comfort while we stay small and uncomfortable. Those who fear or judge our light are not the people that are aligned with us. 

The thing is, from centuries of unconscious conditioning from society and family, we have moulded our self to someone who's (might) not an alignment with who we are naturally. We have the nurture side of our self, which is how we were brought up and how our family loved us. Then we have our nature side, which is who we are authentically, underneath all the social and family conditioning. -- As I’ve mentioned before, we have been unconsciously conditioned and it’s not just our current generation, but also the past and the one before that and so on. 

Realise that our society has been on these cycles for many years now. That each and one of us, past and present generations have broken certain cycles within our bloodline or society; that we have been ascending throughout the centuries. We have changed as a collective and we will continue to do so. The thing is we cannot demand change from others when we, our self haven’t done the change our self. And by ‘change’, I mean living a life aligned to who are by nature. We do this by stripping our self from all the social and family conditioning that is holding us back from living a life full of passion and peace. -- What may be authentic to us, might not resonate or be authentic for others. It’s needing to ground our self in that concept that we all came here to experience this human life and we all have different and unique souls, which will alter our experiences to what our soul needs to further evolve. - 

The beauty of this experience is that we all reflect a part of our self of one another. Those reflections are just a way to enhance our self-awareness and get in touch with our wholeness. Each fragment being reflected back at us is an opportunity to accept or deny them; when we deny them, we deny a part of our self too. We are allowed to begin to love and accept our self, from all angles of the spectrum and polarity of life. 

We have to be able to look at our self from an honest place. We have to admit to the bitter and sweet truth of it all. Not all truths are comfortable, although we do have to start somewhere. It’s okay not to love our self unconditionally just yet, we live in a world that profits from our insecurities and puts us on a cycle of internalised shame. 

Loving our self is not a one day trip we take, it’s a 24/7 journey we are on. We can not separate our self from our self, there is nothing we can do about that. The relationship we have with our self is the model for other relationships we have. If we have blueprints and programming base on self-abandonment and people-pleasing, then we go on a cycle of abandoning our needs and self to feel a sense of belonging or love from others. It’s where we go on a cycle of chasing and running after those who reflect that fragment of our self or will take advantage of that part of our blueprint. 

Loving our self is not something we can buy off eBay or Amazon, it’s more than reading self-help books and reciting affirmations, it’s having to look within and do the inner work and the root cause of the reason why we feel unlovable or unworthy. It’s removing those barriers to feeling love, acceptance, worth and validation form our self. -- In this process, it requires as to heal parts of our self and reclaim fragments that we have suppressed or deemed unworthy or unlovable. 

Loving our self has cycles and process within the journey, which goes hand in hand with other areas of our life. It’s having to be nurturing, be patience and kind with our self as this is not a one day trip we take. It’s something we overcome every single day. And there will time where we feel like we are on top of the world and other times, we feel as if we back to square one, although there will also come time and day where we begin to see that we are no longer the person we were from our past; the one who moved from a place of self-abandonment and believing they were unworthy. 

Until that day comes, keep continuing to Be Kinder, Less Critical. 

Learning to Trust Ourself

‘Mending the heart’

Trust is an important part of any type of relationship. Without trust, it’s a weak and unstable foundation. Not only do we have to trust others, but we also have to trust ourselves. Having a weak and unstable foundation of trust within ourselves create a refection of those same foundations to our external world. Where we will abandon ourselves to be accepted, validated or loved. We get to a point in life where those facades, masks and persona’s we’ve created to receive a need will not cut it. Meaning that the feeling of emptiness and loneliness we were trying to run away from begins to creep back in or having to experience the worst type of loneliness; feeling alone in a room full of your loved ones.

Having abandoned ourselves for many years, it takes time to learn to trust ourselves. With learning, there are process and cycles we go through. Life isn’t straight forward and we get thrown lemons along this journey. Which can be perceived as a ‘bad thing’ although when we change our perception and see those ‘bad things’ are an opportunity to grow, evolve and a cycle to overcome the challenges that will better equip us to the next cycle of our life. Life has always had lemons, challenges or hurdles (whatever label resonates with you) the best way to equip ourselves is by learning to trust ourselves and the process we are on. The deeper we know and trust ourselves the less fear can talk us out or into things that are not in alignment with our path and soul. Embrace every moment we have, as we know that nothing is ever permanent and that everything and everyone is temporary. - Same goes with our current situations. 

TOOLS OF TRUSTING ourselves

• Accountability

• Compassion

• Validation

• Honesty

• Empathy

• Self Care

• Intuition

• Acceptance
  

When we begin to learn to trust ourselves it’s about holding ourselves accountable for the promises we made with ourselves. It could be as small as going to bed at a certain time or doing an activity to help us get started for tomorrow. Whatever it might be when we make a promise to ourselves and not follow through with it we are teaching ourselves that we can not be trusted. This is a process that comes hand in hand with actions. We need to match the words and promises we make with actions that mirror those. 

When we don’t match the action, it's not an opportunity to bully ourselves or talk down on ourselves. When we don’t follow through it just means there is learning to do with trusting ourselves it's not about failing or not being good enough. Learning to trust ourselves after years of self-betrayal is a process. It's a habit we have to get used to. 

Habits take time to learn and get used to grounding them in our day to day lives. It’s not about pushing ourselves to the point of burnout or shaming. It’s about understanding that the concept that habits take time, practise, effort and patience to mastering. Don’t diminish or brush off the efforts we have put on ourselves because we might not see the results, just yet. Like those efforts, build up to the point that hopping back on the saddle of a habit is going to be much easier to how it used to be. That is why time and patience are needed. Acknowledging this concept so we can let go of timing and surrendering to the fact we can only control our own actions and our entire being. 

Trusting ourselves comes with keeping the promises we've made to ourselves. Where we have overcome a certain obstacle and being able to maintain that promise we've made, long after overcoming it. When we make a conscious decision with the knowledge that isn't in alignment or going to do any good, it is self-betrayal. That is when we abandon a part of ourselves to feel a certain way or go back to a certain habit. When we do this it is showing ourselves that we can not be trusted. A part of learning to trust ourselves is being able to say no and stick to our words. It’s backing up those words with the way we move and take action in our lives. Sometimes words are not enough to prove ourself that we are trusted. 

Trust comes on many levels and it's a spectrum. Different levels come with trusting ourselves and others too. It's not a one way round. In the context of trusting others, it has to be a give and take. With trust comes loyalty and transparency. When we move from a place of dishonesty and a lack of loyalty it is a reflection of how we treat ourselves in those aspects. That is why learning to trust ourselves and being honest is important. How can we trust and be honest with others when we are lying to ourselves? With learning to trust ourselves comes with validating as well. When we take actions to build trust with ourselves, we have to also learn to validate ourselves. The funny thing is that many of us usually go to others to validate something we already want to do or know. Although, there are times if others do not agree with our inner knowing we tend to abandon it. - Unlearning this conditioning that we need others to validate our intuition and inner knowing, is important. It’s not about abandoning people closes to us, it’s about not letting others sway us in making decisions when our intuition tells us otherwise. 

Learning to trust ourselves comes hand in hand with healing, self-love and care. 

In the past, we have experienced betrayal and disappointment because we might have not listened to our intuitions or we are not sure what our intuition feels like. When this is the case it’s required to do Inner Child healing. As children, they have amazing intuition and are very in tune with theirs. If there are people around them who gaslight them or constantly project a lack of self-love for a long period of time (especially during childhood) those types of programming is what they will go out into the world. Where they were taught to abandon their intuition because they were being ‘too sensitive’, ‘crazy’ or made to believe that they were worthless. As they age and time progresses these programming will be so deep within their subconscious that they believe that is who they are. Which is far from reality. 

A part of trusting ourselves is being able to heal and reconstruct our own programming. With healing, it gets us to unpack those programmings and find the deep-rooted cause of them. Healing isn’t bypassing the cause by ‘forgiving and forgetting. Healing is acknowledging, embrace and tending to whatever we come across during the process of unpacking, for good or for bad. It’s being able to learn to accept the past although there is a process to acceptance. We have to feel it before we can accept it. When feeling the knowledge we have come across there are going to be epiphanies and realisation. Which then gives us the ‘missing puzzle’ or a push to head towards acceptance. 

Everyone's has gone through a certain circumstance that has cause heaviness that they still carry to this day. Whether they are consciously or unconsciously aware of them, it does not change the fact we still carry them. When we embark on healing and learning to trust ourselves, we get to see this concept. 

A reminder that everyone goes through similar experiences that will not hold the same outcome as someone else's. It might have the same outline of that experience, although it is never the same. With this concept, we have to come to terms that we can’t compare ourselves with others past, present or future. With this concept, we can stop comparing our lives, healing and learning journey with others. 

Each heaviness has different ways of healing. That is why nobody should compare their healing or experiences with others. - It is not a competition. It's never been a competition. Life, healing and our experiences are not something we receive gold metals on. There are no rankings at the end of our lives. It's just us and all fragments of ourselves. That is why we have to accept ourselves as a WHOLE. 

The truth is that; the only person we can never get rid of is ourselves. We can disconnect from ourselves. We were given a free will to chose, although disconnecting and escaping from ourselves only leads to fulfillments that do not last long. Fulfilments that are surface-level leaving our soul and Higher Self deprive and hungry.

Learning to trust ourselves comes with regaining the trust of our intuition and inner knowing. This is where healing comes in. There were moments in time where we did trust ourselves and intuition although due to outside circumstances that were not in our control. It got us in sticky situations and ‘hard times’. - As wild as this might sound, our Higher Self communicates through our intuition which gets us to move a certain way. Putting us through a circumstance that gets us to learn a valuable lesson. We then gain a new level of perspective and see that we go through certain experiences and circumstances to obtain a higher level of consciousness. Which comes with maturing emotionally and mentally. - Without those experiences and circumstances, we wouldn’t of gain those new perspectives. Sometimes we have to go through certain things so our mindset can be stretch to a point that we didn’t know was possible. When we go through certain things like this, giving ourselves compassion, understanding, kindness and empathy. - A reminder that we move from of a place of the knowledge and level of consciousness we are at those moments. 

Letting go of our intuition is when we abandoned our Higher Self. Our intuition is our Higher Self and that is how that part of ourselves communicates to us. The part of us knows things without having an explanation and it’s that feeling no one can explain although, just know it. That is our intuition; our Higher Self. This is a part of our being. Learning to trust ourselves is coming into union with our Higher Self. It’s learning to trust our inner knowing and intuition. It’s having to step out of the norms and creating our own path. Trusting that it will work out. That sometimes we just aren't meant to know where our present actions will lead us. Just hold on to the knowledge that we are learning and letting our Higher Self live out. 

Life is messy, we are messy and accepting that being human is messy. That nothing is perfect and that there is always an opportunity to grow, learn, evolve and change. It's just having to spot them and grab them for ourselves. And choosing to embark on toward those opportunities.  

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

My Truth On My Healing Journey

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Stepping into the Unknown:

When I decided to go back to therapy and look into what was going on with my mental health. It was scary, I've battled with mental illness from a young age. I have plenty of experiences of going to therapy and treatments. It was something I was never vocal about. I internalized shame and judgement within me that projected as hatred for the world. For a long time, I've battled with Depression and Anxiety they are a hell of a companion during my adolescent years creating this facade of a happy little gal going with the flow with life. When reality I didn't see myself living through my 20's. I was impulsive, naive to the point that I didn't care about myself or my future. Transitioning to adulthood was rough and masking my mental illness through partying, substance abuse and sex (the rock and roll lifestyle) didn't make it easier. I was confused and was just a very lost soul. I was diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety and Complex-PTSD in the recent relapse. Which was a blessing in disguise for me as it was the beginning of the journey of self-love and living my authentic self.

I'm sharing my personal experience of my journey through the form of writing as this is one of the creative ventures I've embodied and love. This is how I can express myself in an honest and creative way. I know how difficult it is and can be when embarking in this new path. I want people to know who do embark in this journey and path that they are not alone. That those feeling of difficulty, uncomfortable, self-doubts and negative thinking doesn't make them worthless or broken. We all have gone through experiences and have many influences from our external environment that makes us question our own greatness. Having a mental illness is not something to be ashamed or hide for us to internalize it and deal with alone.

We all have a different perspective and ways of going about our own journey. We need to be more vocal about mental health journey and express ourself in a way that will encourage others to do the same with their own journey of healing. It creates a ripple effect. One person stands up for what they believe in and others follow too as they have the same idea just didn't know to put it out there.  Going through mental illness alone creates an illusions on lonesome, that no one else in the world feels the way you do when reality many of us have felt some similar ways.

I am the walking example what healing and focusing on ourself does. We radiate like we have never been before. As we see our own beauty and greatness instead of relying on others to see it for us. We embark into the self-love and standing in authenticity. Mental illness is b*tch no doubt. I am a walking example that mental illness can be concurred. It's a journey but it is a journey differently worth embarking on. 

Self-love intertwines with healing, it's a tool that is needed in the journey of life. I believe that we need to be able to learn how to provide love for ourself from ourself. It's a tool that helps us thrive in life not just in one area but in all areas. When we thrive and feel the love for ourself our self-worth and self-esteem begin to rise. It's just the process of the love we give ourself, we then begin to learn to embrace all parts of ourself creating unconditional love from within. Our standards and tolerance will change as well as how we view ourself and move through life. There is no need to feel guilty for not being able to relate to things that we use too, it is part of growth and maturing. We do need to process this guilt through grieving. We do feel that sense of loss and grief when we have outgrown certain things, people, environment etc. 

Self-love is not a 9-5 job, it is a 24/7 work we have to do for ourself. It is a work that is doable and requires our attention. Self-love is not always easy and at the beginning of this journey requires a larger effort from us. From personal experience from someone who was never been great at providing self-love to themself, this process took a lot of energy to do in the beginning. Just like any habit and re-wiring our thinking pattern it will take time and effort for it to become second nature. There are many layers to self-love and different ways of providing that for ourself. Others will have different ways of defining and part-taking in activities that embody self-love. Although it comes from the foundations of love, compassionate, nurturing, caring and providing for ourself.

Harsh Truth(s):

From my experience of learning to love self, it's a continuous learning process. There are many layers to loving ourself and sometimes the act of self-love is not always easy and glamourous. Sometimes self-love is letting certain people go. Not because they are bad people because we are not compatible with them anymore. As life goes go and we grow older there is a shift of distance that begins. It's one of the natural processes of life and relationships, we tend to grow apart from people due from maturing and re-constructing our way of living. This isn't just with romantic relationships. This goes with all types of relationships. There are times we have to let go of certain connections in order for new ones to come in. - That's why there are times self-love requires us to stand in our own power and greatness alone. 

Sometimes self-love requires us to let go of not just people, but habits and behaviours. As they are no longer serving us, they are creating more harm and anxiety than pouring into our cup of love. Letting go of habits and behaviours that have helped during the process of our journey can be difficult. Although letting go and detaching is a process we do during our healing but also in life. It is an important skill to have to be able to listen to our inner knowing when it's time to let go. - Reminder; it is not always because something is bad, it's the compatibility aspect of it. 

When we are not compatible with (example) a social group, those relationships become forced and requires so much effort to keep up with. I'm not saying that relationships are smooth sailing and rainbows and sunshine 24/7, although it is not supposed to feel forced, draining or create anxiety. That's one indication that it might be time to let go. 

We are not doing it out of spite, but out of love for ourself. 

When I began to pull back my energy to heal and look after myself. I realised how much of my energy and availability I was pouring out to others because I was constantly trying to seek validation, acceptance, love and a way of escape of my own thoughts. I didn't come to any of these realisations until poured my energy back to me. That's the real harsh truth I had to accept and come to terms with. That I was embodied in a 21 years old adult running around with my blueprints and programming from my wounded Inner Child; wanting to be seen and heard by others who didn't even listen to their voice. Once we begin to lose the crowd and stand in our own we have epiphanies that will give us the courage to stand on our own. 

Courage isn't gain without fear. There is a need for fear with courage. We transmute fear through the actions we take which then creates this new energy source of courage. 

I don't regret any of my past decisions as they've gotten me to where I am today; the person that I am from within and it wasn't formed overnight nor was it done with no effort and work. I had to make to hard and uncomfortable decisions base on the love I had and desire for myself. With those decisions, I had to stand in them and embrace the Unknown. Because for me self-love was the Unknown, believing in myself was the Unknown, voicing my beliefs and sharing my work was the Unknown. Any time we step out of our comfort zone, whether it's embarking into healing our mental health, learning to love ourself or confessing our love for someone. Those are the Unknown, without us even being aware we step into the Unknown many of times without even realisations. 

Don't lose faith in our journeys, it is a learning process and a process we will do our entire life. Which is why we have to faith in ourself. Each cycle and phrases are not going to the same what so ever. As we finish a cycle and begin to embark in a new one, we began to realise that we needed to go through certain experiences from the past cycles to have a certain tool, skill or a form of maturity to be able to embark in the new one. 

HEALING AND SPIRITUALITY: 

When we embark on this path of self-love and healing there is a need to practise patience, letting go, surrendering to the things we can not control. All of these aspects need practising. 

That's why I believe and stand by the idea that healing and spirituality go hand and hand. When we do get that phrase of 'waiting' we practice letting go and surrendering. Something that is promoted within spiritual practises. 

Our healing is something we can control. We make the decisions with the changes and how we perceive the things we can not control. Such as world events, others behaviours and other external things. With healing, because it is from within that is something we have control over. We have control over perception, behaviour, habits and opportunity we embark in, people we surround ourself, the content we are watching, listening etc. We have control over own on body, mind and soul. Once we learn to control all parts of ourself (body, mind and soul) we begin to fall into this contentment and peace. That even if there is chaos going around there is this sense of peace and contentment within. 

When we feel like we have fallen back two steps down, it is not because we are failing but simply because we are needed to gain a different perspective on those levels we have fallen down on. Creating clarity and growth which then moves us up a different level of where we have fallen off in the first place. 

This is a learning process and something we practise throughout our lifetime. That is what really life is about, which is this constant learning of oneself and the constant gain of different perspective which evolve our body, mind and soul. 

TERRACOTTA WARRIORS & CAI GUO-QIANG EXHIBITION AT THE NATIONAL GALLERY OF VICTORIA NGV

Be Kinder, Less Critical

Honest Confession of Healing

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EMOTION: GRIEF

There are different types of healing and it will look different on everyone. Not many tell us this but we grief a sh*t tone during the healing process. We are grieving parts of ourself that we use to relate to and identified as. Griefing parts of our life that has helped us distract or escape from reality. Griefing doesn't have an expiry date or a timestamp on us, letting us know when it will end. Griefing has its own process and timeline. Not everyone will grief the same, just like healing. I do believe griefing is a need during the healing process. 

Many of us have different things we have to grief for. Many that might be too painful to look into, creating a coping mechanism of escaping or repressing. We all have gone through things we don't want to ever speak about. That ignoring and denying is much easier than accepting the fact that we are wounded and hurting. Another thing not many will tell us is that healing can sometimes be harder than the experience. I think it's because when the event happened we didn't see it as a wound. We didn't anticipate the pain it would have caused or how much of an injustice it was. In our healing process, we are conscious of the wrongdoings or the wound it has created. That's why it hurts more sometimes because we can't wrap our heads around the creation of the wound in the first place. 

Sometimes grief comes and go. Sometime we won't even feel the heaviness for days sometimes even weeks or months. Although it does pop up once in a while and sometimes it stays for only a day or two. Although there are times where it stays much longer, where we want to curl up in our bed and just lay there, till the heaviness fades.

Personally for me when dealing with grief I cry it out. I don't know how else to deal with it but with tears. I believe our tears are a physical manifestation of our emotions. If we notice that we can cry at almost any emotions. I also believe that there is no wrong or right way to grief or feel our emotions. As long as we are not harming others on the way, feel as you please.  

Griefing is such a heavy process. Grief is something the majority of people don't feel comfortable speaking about. I believe that is because of how emotions are labelled as 'positive' and 'negative'. Which is absolute rubbish, as no emotions are ever negative or positive. I believe it's the intensity of the emotions that classible them as positive and negative. We also have been conditioned and programmed into thinking that our emotions are our enemy and feeling certain emotions makes us weak. When reality emotion is part of the human experience.  Emotions are also an indication that we are a living being. 

Emotions are not something to be feared or run away from, they are quite the opposite. They are something to embrace, whether it's a ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ emotion. They are just an alarm that is ringing that indicates there is a need we need to attend too. It could be a need to go to heal something within, or a need to take a break from our environment, work, relationships etc. It is up to each individual to determine what their own emotions are letting them know. 

The teaching of repressing certain emotions, mainly negative ones is generally passed down through parental teachings. A type of tool that has been used throughout the generations on how we should handle and express our emotions. Which creates this intergenerational trauma that has been unconsciously passed down. There are plenty of reasons why this type of teaching was passed down, and it would lead back to survival reason. A majority of people have experienced events that have put them into survival mode and not having the right tools to deal with those events creates a coping mechanism of repressing emotions. 

This was a way their body and mind keep them safe during those traumatic events. That is what initially what survival mode is. Our body goes into flight or fight response to keep us alive and safe. When we are in flight or flight response for a long period of time our way of responding and relating to dangerous events can be altered. When we are overly anxious or overthinking of the next danger ahead. Those anxieties and paranoia are actually a trauma response. When finding where those anxieties and paranoia stems from, we find the root of it all which was a traumatic event that has happened in the past, which created this thinking patterning and narrative of 'everything going wrong'. We anticipate things to go wrong or something to come up because we have conditioned into that way of thinking. 

THINKING PATTERN

Our thinking pattern is so important that it doesn't phase us. It's just an automatic thing we do and the crazy part is that we don't realise that we are in autopilot. Where we are following a bunch of conditioning, blueprints, programming and beliefs that we have adapted and taken as part of ourself. We don't see this as an 'abnormal' thing, to be thinking negatively or in the state of constant self-doubt, because we are so used to it and conditioned into thinking we are our thoughts. When in reality we are more than our thoughts. Wild thing is that we can alter our thinking. We are able to reconstruct our patterning. We can change all those, although with this desire to change comes with work and effort. Work and effort that is needed to be put in an investment in our future self, which we will be thankful for when the future becomes the present moment. In the present moment of changing and reconstructing our brain patterning, it is uncomfortable and daunting, as it is the Unknown. If we have lived our lives through negative thinking and the constant state of self-doubt, having an optimistic outlook on life and ourself is the Unknown.

I was thrown into this whole ascension journey, unconsciously. I felt a pain that I couldn't understand why I was feeling it. I was very lost and didn't know myself outside my trauma. Which initially put me on the path of healing. I wanted to know who I was outside my pain, trauma, and my victimhood. I was done looking at myself as a victim or feeling like I was powerless. I wanted to know why I would still feel a certain way about an event that occurred so long ago. 

I was seeking truth from within.

Coming to an understanding of what trauma is and the effect it has on our body system was groundbreaking. When I began educating myself on what trauma is and the short and long term effects it has, not only in regards to our body system but how it affects our livelihood. It removed this sense of brokenness within me. It removed the concept that I needed 'fixing' and that there was something 'wrong' with me. When reality all I needed and required was healing.  

THERAPY/COUNSELLING

Seeking professional help in regards to therapies and counselling is not something to be ashamed or shame others for. The desire to healing is an empowering tool and a brave act to go within. To know and see ALL parts of ourself. Having the desire to seek the truth from within takes and gives you the power of bravery, courage, straight, resilient and love. Healing is an act of self-love. Having the desire to step out of our own programming and conditioning. The desire to want to know who we are outside of our pain, wounds and trauma is empowering. Our present moment self might be scared and unsure if this is a path we want to embark in. Although our future self (Higher Self) is looking at us and encouraging us to embark it, because deep down it's the way of experiencing the unconditional love, not just from others around us but from ourself. As within, so without.

The stigma and negative quantitation attach to counselling are around, not just within our society but our family and friends dynamics. Nobody can force others to seek professional help, that is something no one has control over. It's the knowledge that each of our healing processes is different and when we do embark into this path; we will be parting ways with people and have to make the conscious choice of detaching and letting go of that connection, because of compatibility reasons. Those people who don't want to embark in this path just yet. As nobody is ahead and behind with healing and we all have our own timeline. 

Being compassion to those who we have parted way with and to the parts of ourself that we're able to relate to them. By accepting ALL parts of ourself, the decisions that have led as to where we are now. We have to hold ourself accountable, not blaming ourself or others. We are taking accountability that the actions we have taken were from a place of hurt and pain. That is/was the core root of our actions and behaviours. So please give ourself compassion and understanding, that concept of 'hurt people, hurt people'. Even if at the time we thought that was the right way of handling a certain situation. We know better know in our present time. So let our experiences and past be teaching that we can acquire lessons from. Lessons that are going to help us evolve, grow and heal to the person we are meant and destined to be.

Don't EVER give up on yourself, take a rest BUT NEVER GIVE UP

Be Kinder, Less Critical

Unconditional Love

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Self Love:

Our relationship with ourselves is the key to forming healthy external relationships. The way we view ourselves is critical. It shapes how we view everything and everyone around us. If we see ourselves as an unworthy person, will be carrying a belief that we are not good enough making us tolerant certain things, people or environment that we shouldn't. We'll say yes to things that disobey our true selves. Although forming a loving and healthy relationship with ourselves, isn't a walk in the park. It is like learning a whole different language. Loving ourselves in the world where we were taught to compare ourselves and put others needs before ours. For some loving ourselves is exactly like learning a whole new form of language. The thought of loving ourselves is so foreign that we hesitate to do so. 

It is a struggle and uncomfortable to see and accept ourselves for just the way we are, the good and the bad. Having to remove the lenses of self-hatred and chuck on the lenses of the Unknown. Something that is unfamiliar and something we can not fully comprehend. For many of us loving ourselves is The Unknown. It is because we tend to hold on to a narrative of self-limiting beliefs that no longer serves us or we have adapted through our upbringing. Although having to let that go would mean having to maneuver certain aspect of ourselves or see a part of ourselves that is still hurting and the thought of that is unbearable. 

Self-love requires being uncomfortable. We are going to places we haven't visited before, places we might have hated and ignored within ourselves. It is okay to feel shaky up and anxious. BUT have faith that we will find the Love within ourselves. Having faith in ourselves is a form of self-love. We have to trust and believe that we deserve unconditional love and that is something we can give ourselves. 

Learning to love and be our own biggest support is a must. Investing in ourselves is something we should ever feel guilty about. It's not a selfish act to have a desire to learn to love ourselves. Learning is a constant habit we are doing in our life. It is pretty much what life is about. Might as well use this life to learn to love ourselves and seek love from within. 

 

Changing our patterning thoughts:

We have to let go of certain habits, traits, behavioural patterning to experience unconditional love for ourselves. Negative self-talk can be hard to stop. Remembering that negative self-talk is just thoughts. Our thoughts are NOT ALWAYS facts. When reconstructing and changing our way of thinking it is important to PAUSE and OBSERVE the thought. Being able to distinguish and label either the thought being a fact or an assumption. Like any new habit, it is unfamiliar to us and it'll take more energy getting used too. - Pausing and observing how we talk to ourselves is important. The inner dialogue we have with ourselves has a huge impact on my mental and emotional health. In the mids of this comes with practising being open, compassionate and forgiving to ourselves because we do fall back to old habits. It is about being able to bounce back up and as we are learning. 

 Insecurity: 

Insecurity is something we all go through and have. Each and one us have certain things we would like on us or things we don't like about ourselves. Physical appearances such as our nose, colour of our skin and our natural hair are things we are not able to change. We can influence changes through cosmetic surgeries or adding chemicals to our skin etc. Insecurity is something nobody can take away from us. It doesn't disappear even if someone loves you harder. Dealing with insecurity is an inside some. When looking within and learning to love ourselves we debunk those beliefs on why we aren't good enough. 

When we beauty on others is a reflection of the beauty with us. It is being able to recognise and find it within us. No human on this Earth is perfect, they might be glamorous but never perfect. Having flaws come with being human. 

It doesn’t matter what ingredients we have for our insecurity if self-sabotage is the place you end up.  Self-sabotage stems from those self-limiting beliefs we have told ourselves and have turned into blueprints when handling relationships, new opportunities and ourselves. When going within we find the roots of our behaviours. 

Cliche as it might sound but SELF-LOVE is the answer to letting go of our outdated self-beliefs. With self-love comes with giving ourself the compassion and nurturing we need when we come to harsh truths and realities. 

Fear and Anxiety: 

One of the symptoms of anxiety is when someone begins to start avoiding things like seeing friends, turning up to appointments or simple as self-care. Anxiety makes you feel like you are going to miss out but you also dread the feeling of failure. So we begin to avoid, creating more anxiety and putting as in a cycle. This sense of feeling like a failure is an illusion. How we define the word 'failure' is important. The mindset we have for our own definition is important to reconstruct us we change and evolve. Failures are not necessarily bad or negative. It is an opportunity to learn or a redirect to something that is better suited for us. 

Failure isn’t something to fear. Sometimes during the moment of the 'failure', we don’t see the blessing within during this period of time as our emotions could be clouding the blessing. And why certain things worked out the way they did. It might be hard to see the bigger picture as there so much movement in the water. Wait, till everything and everyone has calm. Including ourselves. It is okay not to have all the answers right now. Not many of us do. (I believe) fear is something we all need. The issue with fear is letting it overcome us when we let fear run our lives. Where we make our actions based on fear. Being courageous comes with fear. Facing our fear is courageous, I believe that's how fear is transmuted into courage. The action we took to overcome our fear is the 'transmutation'. 

Unconditional Love: 

Many of us have this unconscious belief that if we 'fix' or help heal others we will be healed. We extend that healer side of us to others is a sign of co-dependency. 

 In the context of relationships having unconditional love for someone comes with no desire to change them or even the concept being together. When unconditionally love someone we have to sometimes let that person go, not because there is no love. But simply because of the compatibility, there are certain periods of time in our lives that we might be compatible with someone although as we grow that compatibility changes. With our free will we decide that. 

When we are going within we have realizations that the love we have accepted or given were not based on unconditional love but attachment. Each and one of us have developed an Attachment Style that impacts our way of forming and engaging with others. 

( A link to find YOUR Attachment Style: https://www.scienceofpeople.com/attachment-styles/#attachment-style-quiz )

Having unconditional love for someone comes with not wanting to mould them or change them into our 'perfect' ideal partner. There are no such things as perfect. That's what makes loving someone a courageous act. Even when have the fears and anxieties of the 'what ifs', we are still able to go give that love to someone else even if there is a possibility of it being rejected or have someone break our hearts. Because at the end of the day we will always have the love within us that unconditional love we have for ourself; self-love. 

 I believe many of us on Earth are learning to love ourselves. Being able to unlock that unconditional love within us is the key to creating our Heaven on Earth. 

 Be Kinder, Less Critical