The first few steps into loving our-self unconditionally are to admit our insecurities and where we lack love for our-self. This is where we have to begin. We have to be able to acknowledge the things that are no longer serving our highest good or our evolution.
At times we adapt beliefs, narratives, patterns, habits etc. base on survival mode. It doesn't necessarily mean it reflects who we are authentically. It's never easy having to face aspects of our-self that we've suppressed and rejected. It's uncomfortable sitting and unpacking our insecurities and our lack mentality. These are the challenges we face when we step into learning to love our-self unconditionally and just like any other challenges, we can overcome these.
The List-
IT'S A JOURNEY:
Loving our-self is not about the destination nor does it have to have a deadline or some sort of 'ending' to it. - In the context of healing and inner work, there is a need to remove timing and expectation on needing to be 'fully healed'. These types of expectations are the beginning to create the recipe for disappointment and unnecessary pressure. It's never about the destination anyway. The journey is located in the present moment and that's the moment that truly matters. That’s the only moment we are genuinely in.
OUR LIGHTS AND TOOLS:
The best ways to cultivate unconditional love is to be compassionate, loving, empathetic, nurturing, kind and forgiving towards our-self. - There will never be an amount of shame, judgement, hatred or rejection that will yield unconditional love. Those aspects are not needed when we are healing and reclaiming our power back. We must bring in the opposite experience we had to our reality to heal. Being loving, empathetic and kind towards our-self is a habit that becomes effortless the more we practise it.
(Side note: If you are having trouble providing these needs at this moment, begin with liking yourself and just hating yourself a little less each day. Begin spotting or listing all the things that went right instead of what went wrong. Practise listing gratitude each day and counting your blessings. - Train yourself to spot at least one blessing in your experiences or what you are grateful for.)
THE INFRASTRUCTURE:
Reconstructing our foundation and belief system doesn't happen overnight. - This process of reconstructing our inner world takes time and with timing, we do not control it. By focusing our energy on the things we do control such as our effort, work and patience we stand in our power and not give it to things that are not in our control. This is also a great way to remember that it's okay if we fall back to our old habits or behavioural patterns. Just because we fall back to old ways doesn't mean our progress has been thrown out the window. Breaking out of behavioural and thinking patterns takes time and cannot be done overnight. Practice patience not just towards the things we don’t control, towards our-self too.
GRIEF:
It's okay to let parts of personality and identity go as we learn to love our-self unconditionally. - Our identity is not set in stone. We can change them whenever we like. As we learn to view our-self from a place of love, we will begin to change aspects of our beliefs, narratives, patterns and conditioning. This will require us to let go of aspects of our-self that is founded in a lack mentality. This is where grief comes in.
Grief looks different on everyone and with grief, it has other emotions compiled on top or by its side. There is no wrong or right way to grief. Not everyone will resonate with how we grieve and vice versa. It's important to remind our-self that grieving is a part of healing. As we let go of the old and outdated perspective we must let go of versions of our-self that resonate with it.
THE BODY, KNOWS:
Our emotions are stored in our body too and not just the mind. - When we are letting go or healing our inner wounds there is a need to feel and sit with what's coming up for us. We have to be able to feel it in our body or at least welcome it in. This can come through as psychical sensation in an area of our body or as tears. Processing our emotion also doesn't have a deadline or timer set on them.
There are just times our emotions take time to process and be able to let go of the energy attached to them. Please welcome in compassion and empathy. Each time we process it, we gain a new level of perspective. Where we begin to view it through the lens of optimism.
A handy technique I recently learned was the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). It’s where we tap parts of our body as we say the negative emotion we are feeling in a form of a mantra. We say the negative mantra as we tap because it’s a way to welcome it into our body and feel it. Here is a reel of Kate an EFT practitioner explaining the benefits of using this technique. - Instagram Reel
Life will always have its hurdles to overcome, that's how life was constructed. Life also has polarities; we also experience wins and successes. Loving our-self is not all rainbows and sunshine. Having to remind our-self that self-love is not supposed to be perfect. It's supposed to be accepting our-self as we are.
We are not supposed to be perfect.
We are allowed to make mistakes, fuck up and learn from them. As that's all we can go if we've made a mistake. As long as we’re learning and continue to take the lessons instead of the expectations.
Don't feel as we have to be at a certain 'stage' or cycle in our journey. Trust your own timing, journey, evolution, growth and self. All this inner work simultaneously goes hand in hand. They are the puzzle pieces and each and one of them is as important as the next; as it requires to create the whole image.
Be Kinder, Less Critical.