A List Of (my) Truths About Self-Love

The first few steps into loving our-self unconditionally are to admit our insecurities and where we lack love for our-self. This is where we have to begin. We have to be able to acknowledge the things that are no longer serving our highest good or our evolution.

At times we adapt beliefs, narratives, patterns, habits etc. base on survival mode. It doesn't necessarily mean it reflects who we are authentically. It's never easy having to face aspects of our-self that we've suppressed and rejected. It's uncomfortable sitting and unpacking our insecurities and our lack mentality. These are the challenges we face when we step into learning to love our-self unconditionally and just like any other challenges, we can overcome these.

The List-

IT'S A JOURNEY:

Loving our-self is not about the destination nor does it have to have a deadline or some sort of 'ending' to it. - In the context of healing and inner work, there is a need to remove timing and expectation on needing to be 'fully healed'. These types of expectations are the beginning to create the recipe for disappointment and unnecessary pressure. It's never about the destination anyway. The journey is located in the present moment and that's the moment that truly matters. That’s the only moment we are genuinely in.

OUR LIGHTS AND TOOLS:

The best ways to cultivate unconditional love is to be compassionate, loving, empathetic, nurturing, kind and forgiving towards our-self. - There will never be an amount of shame, judgement, hatred or rejection that will yield unconditional love. Those aspects are not needed when we are healing and reclaiming our power back. We must bring in the opposite experience we had to our reality to heal. Being loving, empathetic and kind towards our-self is a habit that becomes effortless the more we practise it.

(Side note: If you are having trouble providing these needs at this moment, begin with liking yourself and just hating yourself a little less each day. Begin spotting or listing all the things that went right instead of what went wrong. Practise listing gratitude each day and counting your blessings. - Train yourself to spot at least one blessing in your experiences or what you are grateful for.)

THE INFRASTRUCTURE:

Reconstructing our foundation and belief system doesn't happen overnight. - This process of reconstructing our inner world takes time and with timing, we do not control it. By focusing our energy on the things we do control such as our effort, work and patience we stand in our power and not give it to things that are not in our control. This is also a great way to remember that it's okay if we fall back to our old habits or behavioural patterns. Just because we fall back to old ways doesn't mean our progress has been thrown out the window. Breaking out of behavioural and thinking patterns takes time and cannot be done overnight. Practice patience not just towards the things we don’t control, towards our-self too.

GRIEF:

It's okay to let parts of personality and identity go as we learn to love our-self unconditionally. - Our identity is not set in stone. We can change them whenever we like. As we learn to view our-self from a place of love, we will begin to change aspects of our beliefs, narratives, patterns and conditioning. This will require us to let go of aspects of our-self that is founded in a lack mentality. This is where grief comes in.

Grief looks different on everyone and with grief, it has other emotions compiled on top or by its side. There is no wrong or right way to grief. Not everyone will resonate with how we grieve and vice versa. It's important to remind our-self that grieving is a part of healing. As we let go of the old and outdated perspective we must let go of versions of our-self that resonate with it.

THE BODY, KNOWS:

Our emotions are stored in our body too and not just the mind. - When we are letting go or healing our inner wounds there is a need to feel and sit with what's coming up for us. We have to be able to feel it in our body or at least welcome it in. This can come through as psychical sensation in an area of our body or as tears. Processing our emotion also doesn't have a deadline or timer set on them.

There are just times our emotions take time to process and be able to let go of the energy attached to them. Please welcome in compassion and empathy. Each time we process it, we gain a new level of perspective. Where we begin to view it through the lens of optimism.

A handy technique I recently learned was the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). It’s where we tap parts of our body as we say the negative emotion we are feeling in a form of a mantra. We say the negative mantra as we tap because it’s a way to welcome it into our body and feel it. Here is a reel of Kate an EFT practitioner explaining the benefits of using this technique. - Instagram Reel

Life will always have its hurdles to overcome, that's how life was constructed. Life also has polarities; we also experience wins and successes. Loving our-self is not all rainbows and sunshine. Having to remind our-self that self-love is not supposed to be perfect. It's supposed to be accepting our-self as we are.

We are not supposed to be perfect.

We are allowed to make mistakes, fuck up and learn from them. As that's all we can go if we've made a mistake. As long as we’re learning and continue to take the lessons instead of the expectations.

Don't feel as we have to be at a certain 'stage' or cycle in our journey. Trust your own timing, journey, evolution, growth and self. All this inner work simultaneously goes hand in hand. They are the puzzle pieces and each and one of them is as important as the next; as it requires to create the whole image.

Be Kinder, Less Critical.

My Story

I’ve been through heavy and f*cked up situations and I still manage to be here today. I still manage to be kind, full of optimism and life. It wasn’t an easy journey and it wasn’t a walk in the park, it was hard, confronting and uncomfortable as f*ck. 

I’m sharing my story because I want to and my story isn’t about the detail of the abuse, because that is not mine to tell. My story is about how I overcame a trauma that bonded and held me, prisoner, in my own mind for years. 

I am a survivor of sexual abuse. Growing up I was ashamed of what occurred to me. I held on to the belief that it was my fault and that I could have done something to change it or stop it. I grew up with that shame and it manifested itself in many ways and all areas of my life, through platonic and romantic relationships, career, my relationship with myself and my family, academic abilities and the way I moved in life. 

Childhood abuse creates so many distortions and illusions within our self, the world and those around us. It creates filters that are based on shame, hate, judgement and pain. Filters that we go out into the world and use, the same filters we use to cultivate relationships and go after what we want. Although with trauma being the main foundation it’s distorted and usually isn’t what we truly want underneath all of it. -

Trauma healing is not something that we overcome in a certain period of time, it's a gradual process that has its own layers and cycles to it. Each cycle is as important as the next, each of them has lessons, fragments and new experiences we get to taste and reclaim. Trauma healing is reclaiming fragments of our self, as trauma gets us disconnected from our self.  

In my experience in healing it wasn’t necessarily talking about what occurred during the abuse. I spoke about the emotions attached to it, how I felt and how I adapted to my trauma. I spoke about my behaviours, habits, thinking patterns, my belief systems and the narratives I followed about myself and the world around me. -- In order to break out of these patterning and conditioning we have to talk about it and feel it without having to escape them. -- During certain cycle within my healing journey, I was called to quit weed and drugs overall. At the time I wasn’t sure why and I couldn't pinpoint it, although now reflecting back it was because I needed to feel the emotions that were coming to the surface for me. Like I've stated, in order to let it go, we have to feel it and welcome it to our body, especially if we have been repressing them for many years.

Each of our emotions is there to tell us something and give us a sense of awareness. It’s there to guide us. Our emotions are not our enemy, there are there to help us gain self-awareness. 

Trauma healing is not easy and it definitely put me out of my comfort zone. I grew, matured and changed a lot during the process of healing. I mean I’m still healing and growing now although it’s a different level and a new cycle I’m on. It also put me in on a path of spiritual awakening, which I didn’t even know was a thing. 

I’ve learnt that I didn’t have control over my childhood and those around me. I had zero control over people and as a child, I was not to blame. Having a full-grown adult take advantage of someone’s innocents, vulnerability and pure-hearted soul is pure evil. We don’t have to try and comprehend or justify someone’s evilness, we can accept that someone people are just evil and it is what it is. With justifying it or coming with a conclusion does not make it any less wrong, it’s still f*cked up.

From that, I’ve learnt that my story isn’t about being abused, it’s how I’m overcoming it. How I’m still a kind, pure-hearted and optimistic ball of energy, even if I had seen and lived through evil at a young age. I’m taken my power back, found enlightenment and creating a new pave way that isn’t going to mirror my childhood or upbring. 

What occurred during our childhood and upbringing is not for us to continue to carry, we are allowed to put it down and let go of the burden. The burden of shame, guilt and pain. We don’t need to carry them in order to be a strong person. We are strong as we are, having to experience childhood abuse and still be continuing with life is absolutely brave and take a lot sh*t tone of strength to do. 

We’ll all have different ways of processing trauma. It doesn’t make us ‘more broken’ or ‘damaged’ if we went on a different route of processing them. What we did during the times we didn’t know how to deal or had the right tools to deal with our trauma is not who we truly are. Like I’ve stated trauma creates distorted views on our self, where we follow beliefs and narratives that were founded from the traumatic experience. 

When we go on the path of trauma healing it’s pealing all of the illusions, distortion and facade we have created and brought out to the world. For this, we shouldn’t feel guilty about changing or having the desire to know who we truly are, without our trauma and misery being the main piece. 

Underneath all the trauma, pain and hurt are strengths, resilience and courage. It’s all there, it’s just having to peel off all the layers that have blocked us from seeing and stand in our power.


I will continue to tell my story of empowerment and enlightenment to be the example for those who are unsure if trauma healing is for them. I can’t express the gratitude and pride I have for myself for overcoming certain obstacles and seeing the result of the work, effort and patience I have put in. Like I’ve stated it was not a walk in the park, it was a very steep and rocky hike. Although, very worth it because of the view. 

We all have cycles and processes we go through and not all of them have a pleasant view on the side. Some are hard and times we want to give up, although we choose not too, because it’s never been an option to give up. One thing trauma teaches us is resilience. Tap into that inner power of resilience and it’s our golden gem through life. No matter what lemons we get chucked at, we’ll keep going. We might stop to have a good cry or take a break, although we get back up and keep f*cking going. 

No matter what we have gone through in the past don’t let it define our future and who we are and want to become. Our past is a set reality and we can not change it although our future is the complete opposite. It’s the unknown, the uncertainty and a lot of possibilities can happen within that space.

Take a leap of faith in yourself, you might be surprised what you’ll stumble upon on. 

Be Kinder, Less Critical

Addiction

DISCLAIMER***  These epiphanies and realisations are from my own experiences of overcoming addiction. - I am not a professional AOD worker (Alcohol and Other Drugs).
Take what resonates and leave out the ones that don’t.

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Addiction is such a taboo topic. It's a topic that has many stigmas and prejudices attached to it. It comes from a lack of education and knowledge about the issue. With addiction, it isn't about being on the hardest drugs. It's about having pain and not wanting to feel it or know how to deal with it. 

Addiction isn't something we want to experience. It's not a conscious decision to want to be addicted and depend on a substance. They aren't always drugs either. Sometimes it's the chemical reaction we receive from a person, our thoughts, porn, food, gambling, gaming, social media or sex. 

Addiction comes from the sense of wanting control.

Addiction comes from seeking comfort away from our pain or hurts that is coming to the surface within our present moment. 

There are plenty of layers that are underneath experiencing addiction. 

There are plenty of challenges that someone who is recovering from addiction faces. Many people who suffer from addiction are hurting within. Not having the tools and the knowledge to deal with their hurt so they turn to self-medicating. With self-medicating it's a short term solution that has long term damages. We begin to depend on the substance to make us 'happy' or 'calm'. We begin to use it as an escape and begin to revolve our entire lifestyle to a particular substance or our addiction. We do not see the damage and effect it has on us or the people around us until we step back and detox. 

It's not an easy thing to come to term with this. Many also are not conscious of the pain they still hold that fuels their addiction. 

Addiction is something not to be ashamed about and never shame others for going through it. Shame comes from a lack of understanding. When we shame we become ignorant to the full truth. Somebody doesn't wake the next day and decide they'll be dependent on a substance for their livelihood. It's a gradual process that happens. Just like any mental illness, it builds up till one day we don't recognise our self anymore. 

Healing and recovering from addiction is difficult as it is and extra harder if we don't have the right support around us. When we have people who do not respect our decision to stop using and instead try to tempt us with the habits we are trying to break out of. That is a sign that the environment we are in is toxic and isn't aligned with where we want to go. 

The thing with addiction, the chemical reaction it gives over the brain is an illusion. The substances that are highly addictive 'mimic' the chemical reaction of dopamine. With that, it also hijacks our reward systems. Creating an unnatural fuel of dopamine. Over time the reward system begins to stop working efficiently, which gets us to need to increase the use of the substance. We then begin to depend on it to feel 'happy' or a sense of 'calm'. 

A substance or habit becomes an addiction when we revolve our lives around it. When we need it to have fun or function in our day today. When we depend on it for our sense of happiness and contentment. When we overspend and only focus on fueling that substance or habit we have. When we begin to create any excuse to part take in the habit or substance. Those are many indications that we are experiencing addiction. - Although we can look at all the signs and symptoms that come with it. The main thing that we need to address is the root of it. 

Finding the root cause of why we feel the need to escape and depend on a substance or habit to fuel our happiness and a sense of livelihood is important. That is because when we tackle and unpack the root cause of anything issues we create an ending for the cycle we were on. We can focus on the healing the root causes, rather than just tackling the stems that come off it. - This should be done simultaneously. 

Handling the stems could be creating a barrier that would make the substance or habit hard to access. That could be letting go of people who do not respect our boundaries, cutting ties with the connection we have with that particular addiction and being open to healing. - It's also important that we seek professional help with addiction. That we are not alone on this journey. It's important to know that we don't get 'in trouble' when speaking about addiction to counsellors. The only time we get 'in trouble' is if we are endangering our self or others around us. Counselling is private and confidential, they are not allowed to speak of the sessions unless we permit them. And even then they have to ask before giving it out (unless it's a court order or we are endangering our self or others). 

Healing and recovering our addiction isn't an overnight thing. It's a process and a journey. A journey that will have its ups and downs. A journey that will put us on a path of self-love and acceptance of ourself and our past. 

Addiction is running away from the present moment. We run away from the present moment because we have unspoken things we are carrying from the past. Some of those things are heavy and hard to speak about. Then, there are some things we carry that we are not even aware that we are still carrying till this day. Our psyche is such a complex muscle within our body and it's the main control in our body system. We have very limited access to parts of our psyche. There is a lot of information hiding and being covered because they are in our subconscious and the collective unconsciousness. 

Many of our problems and issues in the present moments stem from something that has happened in our past. Some sort of conditioning and blueprints we have been carrying that affects the way we move and see the world, others and our self. These filters determine the decisions we make in life. - Healing is a huge part of recovering from addiction. We have to tend, acknowledge and embrace the parts of our self that are calling out to see through our addiction. 

It's not an easy concept to come to term with, it's daunting, uncomfortable and hard. Especially having to let it go and face what we have been trying to run away from. 

During the present moment, we will have temptations and desires to go back to old habits. Although with the healing and inner work we do on our self we can cut off those temptations and desires. It's not going to be easy, although it is doable. - Healing our addiction from the root cause creates a long term effect. Our future self will be proud of the actions and sacrifices we did in the present. 

In the present moment, when we are healing our self do not be harsh, judgemental or hateful. Like I have stated people do not wake up one day and decide they will depend on a substance. - Being more open with our struggles such as addiction removes stigmas. It removes the idea that people made a conscious choice to experience addiction. We all have gone through some rough circumstances and experiences that have altered our sense of self. 

The thing is the past is something we can not change. It doesn't matter how much we duel on it or repress it. It's happened and it's a set reality that can not be altered or changed. Nobody in the world can change the past. -

Believe it or not when we begin to accept the past for exactly the way it is; without shame or judgment, we begin to see that certain experiences we have gone through as something valuable. Maybe at the time we didn't see it nor did we even think it was something valuable. Although when we let go of the judgement and shame we have for ourself and the past, we will begin to see the blessing in disguise or the silver linings within them. 

If we think about a certain event or experience that we didn't go through, it would create a butterfly effect. Where our entire life would be different from how it is now and as well as those around us. -

If we are not happy or pleased with where we are in the present, we can change that. Nothing is ever permanent. It's not going to be constant rainbows and sunshine although the changes we embark in, to invest in our future will be worth it. Our future always becomes our present moment one way or another. - We shouldn't be constantly chasing the future or wanting to escape our present moment. We deserve to be able to sit within the present and enjoy it. We all deserve peace, contentment, healing and acceptance from within. Being able to feel contentment and optimism in the present without having to imagine it in the future. Contentment and optimism is something we can achieve within our present moment. 

Healing our self is the best investment we can give our self. We give our self the chance to live in the moment, to not be clouded from our past and to see clearly. - Healing is part of life. We have gone through circumstances and experiences that have chipped away fragments of our self. It is what it is. Some of those circumstances and experiences we had zero control over them. Although the beauty in healing is reclaiming those fragments that were chipped away from us. No matter how deep or fair those fragments are we can still reclaim them. Healing is the bridge for those fragments. We can reach and reclaim them as we heal. - 

It’s much easier said than done about recovering from addiction. Giving our self the forgiveness, empathy, compassion and kindness is an important part of recovery. A reminder that we can’t change the past as much as we want. We just can’t, it’s one of those truths that can be hard to swallow. Although we can learn to let go by healing and recovering the reasons why we feel the need to escape. 

Be kinder to ourself as we are all trying to just get by and figure life as it comes. Most journeys are not something we can achieve overnight. It takes time, effort, work and patience. We are all on a different path and journey and it’s not something we should compare with one another. It’s never been a competition. Focusing on our inner world is not selfish or self-centred. WE all have a desire to be understood, so why not learn to understand ourself?  

Image from @sobrietycards

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

INNER WORK

Inner work is about healing, mending, unpacking, embracing and letting go. Many things come with inner work. Inner work takes honesty, accountability, empathy, compassion, embracing and learning or unlearning. 

Inner work is not glamorous. This is a stage where we unpack certain beliefs, narrative and past trauma or experiences that still holds so much weight with us in the present. - Are we really living in the present if we are still holding the weight from the past? 

When we are healing we are doing the inner work. There is no healing without the inner work. They both come hand in hand. 

There is this misconception that when we decide to heal our self that we are somehow ‘broken’ or that something isn’t ‘right’ with us. When in reality we are not broken it’s just, we have gone through certain circumstances that have broken our spirit, a secure self and repressed fragments of our true authentic self. The narrative that we are ‘broken’ or a ‘lost cause’ is some of the type of self-limiting beliefs and narrative we tell our self, which is from a lack of love for one self. -

Healing requires us to unpack and dig through our self from an honest and understanding perspective. When we go towards healing with judgments, shame or hatred that is not going to work out, it will only create more need to heal. When we tacking and unpack the fragments that require healing we need to move forward with empathy, compassion and understanding. As those are some of the tools we need to embrace and give the parts of our self that have been judged, shamed or in pain. 

The reason why many of us have ‘broken’ fragments is because of hatred, judgement and shame in the first place. So why and how would more shame, judgment and hatred be healing? 

Healing and inner work is not a competition. Nobody gets a gold medal or is there a finish line. Healing and inner work is a constant job we do throughout our life. We just begin to alter the word of healing and inner work. We get to a point in the process that we see that healing and inner work become learning and setting the example. That we go through experiences in each of our cycles and process which gets us to unlearn or learn some more as our consciousness and soul evolves. - There is no ending to healing or inner work. It is something we do throughout our life if we have a desire to grow and evolve. -

In a simpler definition of healing and inner work, it’s to evolve and expands our consciousness and soul. There are layers that come with healing and inner work. Sometimes we have to unpack a certain layer before we can go deeper. An example; we’d have to dive into our consciousness before trying to see what’s lurking around our subconscious. Because our psyche is in layers, we can not expect to get information from our subconscious if we do not even what is going on within the conscious part of our psyche. - That is why healing and inner work comes in layers and has their processes and cycles. 

Inner work is something we can not do for others. We can not process others emotions, traumas, circumstances or do the healing and feeling for them. That is not how it works. Inner work and healing is an individual job that requires someone who consciously decides to heal. There are process and cycles we go through with our own healing and inner work. It will not look the same for everyone and it shouldn’t. As we are all have had unique and different experiences here on Earth. It’s not about comparing or sizing up one another’s personal growth or evolution. It’s called personal for a reason. - 

Nobody is a better and more reliable source than our self. It doesn’t matter how long person X, Y or Z have known us. The version or image they have created about us are not our responsibilities. We can not control others perceptions or emotions that is something we will never have control over. It shouldn’t change the fact that we will continue to heal, grow and evolve even though others have outdated versions of us in their minds. That is not our responsibility or our job to fix. Those perceptions of us are their business and reflect their own evolution and growth. - That is something we can not control.

When we begin to get fixated with controlling others or anything that is out of control we will begin to feel anxious and out of balance within our self. Even trying to control how others should view us, is a waste of time and energy.

This type of behaviour is a way we give our power and energy away. When we grasp the concept that we shouldn’t focus too heavily on things we can not control and with that, we can begin to learn to let go. Letting go is an important skill to have throughout our life. If we do not learn how to let go, will go on and continue to hold on to things or people that no longer serve us or is no longer as important as they use to be. Causing more pain and hurt for our self.  - 

The idea of letting go frightens people and there could be many various reasons. For me personally, it’s the idea that something has ended. Although what I’ve learnt is that every ending have a new beginning. That’s how the Universe works. Sometimes we have to put something to bed in order to begin something new within or our external world. 

Many people like to hold on to the illusion that they can control everything and everyone if they ‘behaviour’ or ‘act’ a certain way. Although we learn throughout life that is not how it works. That we have very little control of many things outside of our self and that includes people. When we begin to try and control everything and everyone we lost our self in the process. As we have to live out a persona and a facade to keep a certain illusion up afloat for others to be ‘controlled’. This is a manipulation tactic, we do not really control others we are just simple manipulating them. But then again because we are manipulating our self to be a certain way to ‘control’ others perception about us or a circumstance etc. We are not playing others, we are playing our self. -

With inner work, we can unpack these types of actions and behaviours by digging into the root cause of it. We can not just look at the stems that come with our conditioned behaviours. We have to find where it began, so then we can ‘pull it out’ so there are no more stems that come out of it. -
There is no easy way around or out of inner work, it is something we can choose to do for our self. We can get others to do it for us although that will not have a large or longer-term impact and it’s selfish. - When we expect others to do our inner work for us when we can not even do it for our self, that is selfish. Especially if we haven’t even given it a shot or a try. - We do have free will for a reason. We can choose to go within or continue to seek outside of our self. 

We have to make a conscious decision about doing our inner work. There is no quick fix to do inner work. There is no substance or a person in the world that can create a divinity of an impact within us but our self.

Facing our pain, hurt or traumas that hold such a huge impact on us (whether we are aware of it or not) is daunting and in a sense frightening. When we go through life holding on to our pain, hurt and trauma which has created our ‘personality’ and a way to relate to others, it’s hard to let go because it means we have to find our self outside of those ‘personalities’ and personas. - Hopping on the train of inner work isn’t just unpacking and digging through our past and experiences. It also has a new beginning that comes with it. Which is the new beginning of a new ideology of our self. Finding who we really are underneath all the pain, hurt and traumas we have endured throughout our life. It’s the new beginning of authenticity and fulfilment, which we all deserve. Healing and inner work is the beginning of authenticity and fulfilment. 

By doing the inner work and healing ourself we go through the process and the cycles that the past is the past. That no matter how much we fixate and retell stories about it, it’s over. When we give so much of our power and energy to a reality that is no longer even in the present or near our future it blocks our own blessings and manifestations. - In the process of our healing we have our set timelines and no one is going to have the same. A reminder that we all run on different schedules with Divine timing. Each and one of us will have a different process and cycle of healing. DO NOT compare our process and cycles to others as that is not how it works. - 

It’s called inner work for a reason. 

The tools we do all use in our own process and cycles are honesty, accountability, empathy, compassion, embracing and learning or unlearning. Those tools are how we are going to find unconditional love within our self that has been repressed. Either way, those tools are the key and light when going within. Never forget to bring those tools and light with us when going deeper within our self. And each time we dig deeper we will find new tools that will help ascend and evolve our consciousness and soul. There is no finish line between healing and inner work. Although every ending ALWAYS has a new beginning. -

From someone who has gone through a large amount of healing and inner work, I say all this with love. I do. - These are the wisdom and knowledge I have found within me that’s very collective. I know how hard and confusing it is in the early stages of healing. It’s draining and almost feel as it’s a waste of time. Although the efforts and work we put into our healing and our self are extremely rewarding. It’s something no one can give to us or take away from us. When we begin to see our worth and find unconditional love for our self, that is the most precious gift and investment we can give our self. 

I never thought I’d love or accept myself the way I do now. Healing and inner work are not rainbows and sunshine at all times. It is daunting, uncomfortable and scary. I say this not to frighten people but because I do not want to give false expectation to others who do decide to heal. I do not want to create illusions within people that healing isn’t supposed to be scary or uncomfortable, because of it. The biggest growth and epiphanies we have is from the things that scare us the most. No growth or evolution ever happened within comfort zones. There was always a level of discomfort. Trust and become aware of our own process and cycles, as we all have one. Be open to feeling discomfort while healing and ascending because that’s where the real magic is.

Sometimes the new beginning we ask for is within our self first. It’s like that saying ‘as within, so without’. 

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

Created by: Merichel Sanchez

Learning to Trust Ourself

‘Mending the heart’

Trust is an important part of any type of relationship. Without trust, it’s a weak and unstable foundation. Not only do we have to trust others, but we also have to trust ourselves. Having a weak and unstable foundation of trust within ourselves create a refection of those same foundations to our external world. Where we will abandon ourselves to be accepted, validated or loved. We get to a point in life where those facades, masks and persona’s we’ve created to receive a need will not cut it. Meaning that the feeling of emptiness and loneliness we were trying to run away from begins to creep back in or having to experience the worst type of loneliness; feeling alone in a room full of your loved ones.

Having abandoned ourselves for many years, it takes time to learn to trust ourselves. With learning, there are process and cycles we go through. Life isn’t straight forward and we get thrown lemons along this journey. Which can be perceived as a ‘bad thing’ although when we change our perception and see those ‘bad things’ are an opportunity to grow, evolve and a cycle to overcome the challenges that will better equip us to the next cycle of our life. Life has always had lemons, challenges or hurdles (whatever label resonates with you) the best way to equip ourselves is by learning to trust ourselves and the process we are on. The deeper we know and trust ourselves the less fear can talk us out or into things that are not in alignment with our path and soul. Embrace every moment we have, as we know that nothing is ever permanent and that everything and everyone is temporary. - Same goes with our current situations. 

TOOLS OF TRUSTING ourselves

• Accountability

• Compassion

• Validation

• Honesty

• Empathy

• Self Care

• Intuition

• Acceptance
  

When we begin to learn to trust ourselves it’s about holding ourselves accountable for the promises we made with ourselves. It could be as small as going to bed at a certain time or doing an activity to help us get started for tomorrow. Whatever it might be when we make a promise to ourselves and not follow through with it we are teaching ourselves that we can not be trusted. This is a process that comes hand in hand with actions. We need to match the words and promises we make with actions that mirror those. 

When we don’t match the action, it's not an opportunity to bully ourselves or talk down on ourselves. When we don’t follow through it just means there is learning to do with trusting ourselves it's not about failing or not being good enough. Learning to trust ourselves after years of self-betrayal is a process. It's a habit we have to get used to. 

Habits take time to learn and get used to grounding them in our day to day lives. It’s not about pushing ourselves to the point of burnout or shaming. It’s about understanding that the concept that habits take time, practise, effort and patience to mastering. Don’t diminish or brush off the efforts we have put on ourselves because we might not see the results, just yet. Like those efforts, build up to the point that hopping back on the saddle of a habit is going to be much easier to how it used to be. That is why time and patience are needed. Acknowledging this concept so we can let go of timing and surrendering to the fact we can only control our own actions and our entire being. 

Trusting ourselves comes with keeping the promises we've made to ourselves. Where we have overcome a certain obstacle and being able to maintain that promise we've made, long after overcoming it. When we make a conscious decision with the knowledge that isn't in alignment or going to do any good, it is self-betrayal. That is when we abandon a part of ourselves to feel a certain way or go back to a certain habit. When we do this it is showing ourselves that we can not be trusted. A part of learning to trust ourselves is being able to say no and stick to our words. It’s backing up those words with the way we move and take action in our lives. Sometimes words are not enough to prove ourself that we are trusted. 

Trust comes on many levels and it's a spectrum. Different levels come with trusting ourselves and others too. It's not a one way round. In the context of trusting others, it has to be a give and take. With trust comes loyalty and transparency. When we move from a place of dishonesty and a lack of loyalty it is a reflection of how we treat ourselves in those aspects. That is why learning to trust ourselves and being honest is important. How can we trust and be honest with others when we are lying to ourselves? With learning to trust ourselves comes with validating as well. When we take actions to build trust with ourselves, we have to also learn to validate ourselves. The funny thing is that many of us usually go to others to validate something we already want to do or know. Although, there are times if others do not agree with our inner knowing we tend to abandon it. - Unlearning this conditioning that we need others to validate our intuition and inner knowing, is important. It’s not about abandoning people closes to us, it’s about not letting others sway us in making decisions when our intuition tells us otherwise. 

Learning to trust ourselves comes hand in hand with healing, self-love and care. 

In the past, we have experienced betrayal and disappointment because we might have not listened to our intuitions or we are not sure what our intuition feels like. When this is the case it’s required to do Inner Child healing. As children, they have amazing intuition and are very in tune with theirs. If there are people around them who gaslight them or constantly project a lack of self-love for a long period of time (especially during childhood) those types of programming is what they will go out into the world. Where they were taught to abandon their intuition because they were being ‘too sensitive’, ‘crazy’ or made to believe that they were worthless. As they age and time progresses these programming will be so deep within their subconscious that they believe that is who they are. Which is far from reality. 

A part of trusting ourselves is being able to heal and reconstruct our own programming. With healing, it gets us to unpack those programmings and find the deep-rooted cause of them. Healing isn’t bypassing the cause by ‘forgiving and forgetting. Healing is acknowledging, embrace and tending to whatever we come across during the process of unpacking, for good or for bad. It’s being able to learn to accept the past although there is a process to acceptance. We have to feel it before we can accept it. When feeling the knowledge we have come across there are going to be epiphanies and realisation. Which then gives us the ‘missing puzzle’ or a push to head towards acceptance. 

Everyone's has gone through a certain circumstance that has cause heaviness that they still carry to this day. Whether they are consciously or unconsciously aware of them, it does not change the fact we still carry them. When we embark on healing and learning to trust ourselves, we get to see this concept. 

A reminder that everyone goes through similar experiences that will not hold the same outcome as someone else's. It might have the same outline of that experience, although it is never the same. With this concept, we have to come to terms that we can’t compare ourselves with others past, present or future. With this concept, we can stop comparing our lives, healing and learning journey with others. 

Each heaviness has different ways of healing. That is why nobody should compare their healing or experiences with others. - It is not a competition. It's never been a competition. Life, healing and our experiences are not something we receive gold metals on. There are no rankings at the end of our lives. It's just us and all fragments of ourselves. That is why we have to accept ourselves as a WHOLE. 

The truth is that; the only person we can never get rid of is ourselves. We can disconnect from ourselves. We were given a free will to chose, although disconnecting and escaping from ourselves only leads to fulfillments that do not last long. Fulfilments that are surface-level leaving our soul and Higher Self deprive and hungry.

Learning to trust ourselves comes with regaining the trust of our intuition and inner knowing. This is where healing comes in. There were moments in time where we did trust ourselves and intuition although due to outside circumstances that were not in our control. It got us in sticky situations and ‘hard times’. - As wild as this might sound, our Higher Self communicates through our intuition which gets us to move a certain way. Putting us through a circumstance that gets us to learn a valuable lesson. We then gain a new level of perspective and see that we go through certain experiences and circumstances to obtain a higher level of consciousness. Which comes with maturing emotionally and mentally. - Without those experiences and circumstances, we wouldn’t of gain those new perspectives. Sometimes we have to go through certain things so our mindset can be stretch to a point that we didn’t know was possible. When we go through certain things like this, giving ourselves compassion, understanding, kindness and empathy. - A reminder that we move from of a place of the knowledge and level of consciousness we are at those moments. 

Letting go of our intuition is when we abandoned our Higher Self. Our intuition is our Higher Self and that is how that part of ourselves communicates to us. The part of us knows things without having an explanation and it’s that feeling no one can explain although, just know it. That is our intuition; our Higher Self. This is a part of our being. Learning to trust ourselves is coming into union with our Higher Self. It’s learning to trust our inner knowing and intuition. It’s having to step out of the norms and creating our own path. Trusting that it will work out. That sometimes we just aren't meant to know where our present actions will lead us. Just hold on to the knowledge that we are learning and letting our Higher Self live out. 

Life is messy, we are messy and accepting that being human is messy. That nothing is perfect and that there is always an opportunity to grow, learn, evolve and change. It's just having to spot them and grab them for ourselves. And choosing to embark on toward those opportunities.  

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

Inner Child Healing

Topics: Shadow Aspects, Reparenting, Feeling Multiple Emotions at Once, Blueprints and Programming and the Past. 

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 We can’t deny that we don’t have an Inner Child within us. We all have that part within us, it might just be repressed underneath all the experiences we went through as a child. That doesn’t mean it’s not there, it’s just buried under all the unhealed, unclaimed, neglected, abandoned parts of us that we haven’t faced.

The early stages of our life are our childhood. The first relationships we form are with our parents and family dynamics. Those are the baseline of our foundations not just in regards to relationships but also the way we view ourself, the world and how we move in life. In our early stages of experiencing life, we are dependant and relay on our parents for our livelihood. Nobody in the world had a choose of who our family are and the conditioning that was already set prior to our existence. There is never a ‘perfect’ childhood as nobody is perfect. Parents make mistakes as the majority of the time they are going along the learning process of raising a child. Which is fine and normal. It’s okay to make mistakes and trip up. As children, we didn’t get much choice, although as adults the beauty of it is we have more choices on how we should move forward in our reality. 

Some of us might have not had the best childhood and upbringing. We might have experienced the worst and shown how evil the world is at those early stages of our life. Those experiences that might still haunt as till this day. No child in the world had control over the parents or the family they were put in. It’s something no kid chooses and have NO CONTROL OVER. Same goes with the circumstance we experienced growing up, we had no control over those either. We were not ‘little adults’, we were children. We had barely experienced in the world. We didn’t know the full scope of the world we lived in. We were new and were only in the early stages of life.

In the early stages of life that is where we create and form our foundations, blueprints and programming to use in our adulthood. Which is a larger portion of our life, our childhood and adolescence are just a small part of it. Although just because it’s a small part does not mean it doesn’t hold its value. During our childhood like I’ve stated, those years are the creation of the foundation, blueprints and programming. Where in our adolescence years are the time we put those foundations into working. Where we begin to form relationships and a sense of who we are outside of our family dynamics. For the majority of people during those times, we are unconscious of the blueprints and programming we are following. As our adolescence years where we were finding our own bearings and trying out who we were. Our adolescence years are only makeup 7 years of our life. Those stages feel as they would last forever although they don’t. 

In the context of healing, we have to acknowledge those parts of ourself. That we didn’t experience the best case during the early stages of life. Which wasn’t our fault nor are we to blame. The circumstances either from our childhood or adolescence years created an impact of how we moved throughout our adulthood. Whatever the circumstances we have experienced that has caused us pain, hurt or trauma it deserves acknowledging. It doesn’t matter what those ingredients are, as everyone in the world deserves to have their pain, hurt and trauma acknowledge and tenderly cared for.  

As young children we didn’t have a choice nor can we do much about our past. It’s not about staying there. It’s about learning and creating a different perspective. We have a choice to take in all the negative and bad things we got out of our experiences OR we can reclaim the fragments that we had to abandoned or that were taken from us. Either way, we do have free will for a reason. We get to choose either to stay or evolve. 

 Having to come to term with the reality of our childhood will bring in grief. We will grieve and mourn the parts of ourself that never had the chance to live. The parts and experiences our Inner Child didn’t experience nor did they had the chance to. - Life can be unfair at times and it sucks, I’m not going to tell anyone who is reading this otherwise. Because it does, it’s heartbreaking and disappointing that we didn’t receive the love, nurturing, care or tending to as a child. That’s why grief and mourning is an important part of healing and reclaiming these fragment of ourself.

When we begin to heal and rip off the rose coloured lenses we’ve cast on our upbringing. We will feel all sort of emotions. Which is normal. Naming and identity what emotions we are feeling is an IMPORTANT process. When we identify, label and put a name on a certain heaviness we are feeling it makes it lighter. It gives that emotion an identification. It’s important to give our emotions identities and naming them. Because when we do this, next time it comes to resurface we are able to recognise it. We won’t feel confused or distress about why we feel the way we do. Once identifying the emotion we can find where it stems from which will lead us to the root cause. 

 This process isn’t an overnight work to do, it’s a process that is done gradually and at each individuals pace. We can not rush healing or we can push our emotions out. Those two aspects have their own cycles. We can not force to have something resurface from our subconscious because we want it too. It doesn’t work like that.

Personally, for me, I send out an intention to having any unhelpful or toxic pattering, blueprints, programming or foundations I still unconsciously follow to come to the surface. And then letting it go, meaning letting go of how it’ll come to me. I’ve set out the intention and that’s all I can do. -  Our access to our subconscious is very limited and quite difficult to get into. It has its own way of processing and dealing with information. It doesn’t operate the way our consciousness does. Most of the time when something comes to surface from our subconscious it comes in the form of triggers. As triggers are just alarm clocks from the emotions within our subconscious. It’s a sign that we need to address and reclaim something from within. 

When reclaiming our Inner Child, there is a need to re-parent ourself. We need these aspects of compassion, kindness, empathy and nurturing towards ourself first before we can give it to our parents and others. How are we supposed to provide an emotionally safe space for others when we are not able to do that for ourself? When we neglect to give ourself the emotional needs we require, we will feel some sort of resentment towards anyone who is asking to provide that space for them from us. It’s about pouring and tending to our own cup before trying to fill everyone else’s. 

An example of an Inner Child wound: When our Inner Child is abandoned, it creates a Shadow aspect from our wounds. Where will abandon and neglect parts of our own self to be accepted and loved by others. It’s this constant seeking of approval and acceptance from others because that’s is what we needed as a child. So then we create relationship dynamics that will mirror that lack so we can become aware of the patterning. Which will provoke a choice of changing and transmuting the patterning. Another example is the tendency to people please which stems from codependency. Where we have created narratives and beliefs that we have to attach a condition or a hidden agenda to be loved, accepted or valued in society or our relationships. These are just a couple of examples, everyone will have different types of wounds and how they impacted their own lives. Different types of wounds also create Shadow aspects within us. Each individual has different and similar upbringing although it’s never the same. Where it’s not identical by all the details or the way an individual perceives it. - From wounds ties in with types of pattering that we use to operate in our day today. These types of patterning are partly conscious and the unconscious part of it is the root cause of behaviours, actions, and habits. 

It’s hard to be aware of our own blueprints and programming when we lack knowledge of how our mind works. Our mind is like a computer system where we have to put in programs and blueprints for it to work. So it can operate smoothly and each programming as its purpose on why it’s in the system. It is similar to our brain it has to have programming and blueprints to follow to be able to maneuver in life. We don’t just choose to do something because ‘it feels right’,  there is a subconscious programming we are following. Most of our programming and blueprints are subconscious; we operate a certain way although we are not sure where an action, behaviour or habit is rooted from. - Those blueprints and programming were created in our childhood. When we lack the knowledge of the KEY information of our nature and the way we operate. Which then we become unconscious of all these parts of ourself,

 That’s why when reparenting we have to give ourself the compassion, kindness and understanding so we can give it to your parents. - We can feel more than one emotions. We are multidimensional beings meaning we can feel as many emotions as long as we are not overwhelmed or causes distress. 

We can feel resentment and anger and also be grateful and appreciate towards our parents. As both of those emotions exist within us.

When are reclaiming we can not ignore one or another. It’s is about embracing ALL aspects of our self, for good or bad. Either way, they both bring healing which creates a different perspective and way of looking not just ourself but also others around us. Which also creates a restructuring on the infrastructures of our blueprints and programming. Which changes our relationship with ourself, others and how we move in life. 

Just be patient and be kind to ourself more. It’s not a race, nobody is up for gold metal or trophies. It’s about reclaiming ALL FRAGMENTS OF OURSELF from the mind, body and soul. Each and one of us are on our own journey and path. We are not supposed to compare ourself and our healing to others. It’s not supposed to be like that, we can’t reclaim our entire Divinity if we are looking over and comparing our fragments and journey to others. That creates gaps and illusions within our own path and journey. It’s important to ground in this concept and detach from a competitive mindset especially in regards to our healing and general life. 

We are not all supposed to be the same, we all came here to have different and unique experiences. If we were all the same, it would be bland and boring place to be in. Accepting all parts of ourself means the past and present while being open to the possibility of the future. Healing is simply embracing, acknowledging, tending and then reclaiming parts of ourself to fill the void we are experiencing.

Inner Child healing is an important process of our ascension and healing journey. When we embark on this journey we need to reclaim all fragments of ourself throughout our lives, from the beginning to the present. It’s a process and it’s not an overnight accomplishment. It’s about reclaiming OUR WHOLE ENTIRE DIVINITY, which will take time. The Inner Child healing is so empowering and liberating in the sense that we realise that we didn’t have control over our reality during those early stages. Although as adults when we do this type of healing we realise and reclaim the power of control within our reality. We realise that we can choose who we want to be now and that our past doesn’t define us. Nor as does it dictate where we are heading towards. - The past was simply stepping stones to gaining a level of perspective and maturity to embark on our chosen path. I’ve stated it before, Inner Child healing is not about living in the past it’s about claiming the parts we abandoned and detached from due to our circumstances. 

The past is the only set reality as it’s already happened, whereas the present moment is in between the unknown and certainty and the future is and will always be the unknown. Our past DOES NOT AND WILL NEVER DEFINE WHO ARE, WHO CAN BE AND WHAT WE CAN ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE. 

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

My Truth On My Healing Journey

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Stepping into the Unknown:

When I decided to go back to therapy and look into what was going on with my mental health. It was scary, I've battled with mental illness from a young age. I have plenty of experiences of going to therapy and treatments. It was something I was never vocal about. I internalized shame and judgement within me that projected as hatred for the world. For a long time, I've battled with Depression and Anxiety they are a hell of a companion during my adolescent years creating this facade of a happy little gal going with the flow with life. When reality I didn't see myself living through my 20's. I was impulsive, naive to the point that I didn't care about myself or my future. Transitioning to adulthood was rough and masking my mental illness through partying, substance abuse and sex (the rock and roll lifestyle) didn't make it easier. I was confused and was just a very lost soul. I was diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety and Complex-PTSD in the recent relapse. Which was a blessing in disguise for me as it was the beginning of the journey of self-love and living my authentic self.

I'm sharing my personal experience of my journey through the form of writing as this is one of the creative ventures I've embodied and love. This is how I can express myself in an honest and creative way. I know how difficult it is and can be when embarking in this new path. I want people to know who do embark in this journey and path that they are not alone. That those feeling of difficulty, uncomfortable, self-doubts and negative thinking doesn't make them worthless or broken. We all have gone through experiences and have many influences from our external environment that makes us question our own greatness. Having a mental illness is not something to be ashamed or hide for us to internalize it and deal with alone.

We all have a different perspective and ways of going about our own journey. We need to be more vocal about mental health journey and express ourself in a way that will encourage others to do the same with their own journey of healing. It creates a ripple effect. One person stands up for what they believe in and others follow too as they have the same idea just didn't know to put it out there.  Going through mental illness alone creates an illusions on lonesome, that no one else in the world feels the way you do when reality many of us have felt some similar ways.

I am the walking example what healing and focusing on ourself does. We radiate like we have never been before. As we see our own beauty and greatness instead of relying on others to see it for us. We embark into the self-love and standing in authenticity. Mental illness is b*tch no doubt. I am a walking example that mental illness can be concurred. It's a journey but it is a journey differently worth embarking on. 

Self-love intertwines with healing, it's a tool that is needed in the journey of life. I believe that we need to be able to learn how to provide love for ourself from ourself. It's a tool that helps us thrive in life not just in one area but in all areas. When we thrive and feel the love for ourself our self-worth and self-esteem begin to rise. It's just the process of the love we give ourself, we then begin to learn to embrace all parts of ourself creating unconditional love from within. Our standards and tolerance will change as well as how we view ourself and move through life. There is no need to feel guilty for not being able to relate to things that we use too, it is part of growth and maturing. We do need to process this guilt through grieving. We do feel that sense of loss and grief when we have outgrown certain things, people, environment etc. 

Self-love is not a 9-5 job, it is a 24/7 work we have to do for ourself. It is a work that is doable and requires our attention. Self-love is not always easy and at the beginning of this journey requires a larger effort from us. From personal experience from someone who was never been great at providing self-love to themself, this process took a lot of energy to do in the beginning. Just like any habit and re-wiring our thinking pattern it will take time and effort for it to become second nature. There are many layers to self-love and different ways of providing that for ourself. Others will have different ways of defining and part-taking in activities that embody self-love. Although it comes from the foundations of love, compassionate, nurturing, caring and providing for ourself.

Harsh Truth(s):

From my experience of learning to love self, it's a continuous learning process. There are many layers to loving ourself and sometimes the act of self-love is not always easy and glamourous. Sometimes self-love is letting certain people go. Not because they are bad people because we are not compatible with them anymore. As life goes go and we grow older there is a shift of distance that begins. It's one of the natural processes of life and relationships, we tend to grow apart from people due from maturing and re-constructing our way of living. This isn't just with romantic relationships. This goes with all types of relationships. There are times we have to let go of certain connections in order for new ones to come in. - That's why there are times self-love requires us to stand in our own power and greatness alone. 

Sometimes self-love requires us to let go of not just people, but habits and behaviours. As they are no longer serving us, they are creating more harm and anxiety than pouring into our cup of love. Letting go of habits and behaviours that have helped during the process of our journey can be difficult. Although letting go and detaching is a process we do during our healing but also in life. It is an important skill to have to be able to listen to our inner knowing when it's time to let go. - Reminder; it is not always because something is bad, it's the compatibility aspect of it. 

When we are not compatible with (example) a social group, those relationships become forced and requires so much effort to keep up with. I'm not saying that relationships are smooth sailing and rainbows and sunshine 24/7, although it is not supposed to feel forced, draining or create anxiety. That's one indication that it might be time to let go. 

We are not doing it out of spite, but out of love for ourself. 

When I began to pull back my energy to heal and look after myself. I realised how much of my energy and availability I was pouring out to others because I was constantly trying to seek validation, acceptance, love and a way of escape of my own thoughts. I didn't come to any of these realisations until poured my energy back to me. That's the real harsh truth I had to accept and come to terms with. That I was embodied in a 21 years old adult running around with my blueprints and programming from my wounded Inner Child; wanting to be seen and heard by others who didn't even listen to their voice. Once we begin to lose the crowd and stand in our own we have epiphanies that will give us the courage to stand on our own. 

Courage isn't gain without fear. There is a need for fear with courage. We transmute fear through the actions we take which then creates this new energy source of courage. 

I don't regret any of my past decisions as they've gotten me to where I am today; the person that I am from within and it wasn't formed overnight nor was it done with no effort and work. I had to make to hard and uncomfortable decisions base on the love I had and desire for myself. With those decisions, I had to stand in them and embrace the Unknown. Because for me self-love was the Unknown, believing in myself was the Unknown, voicing my beliefs and sharing my work was the Unknown. Any time we step out of our comfort zone, whether it's embarking into healing our mental health, learning to love ourself or confessing our love for someone. Those are the Unknown, without us even being aware we step into the Unknown many of times without even realisations. 

Don't lose faith in our journeys, it is a learning process and a process we will do our entire life. Which is why we have to faith in ourself. Each cycle and phrases are not going to the same what so ever. As we finish a cycle and begin to embark in a new one, we began to realise that we needed to go through certain experiences from the past cycles to have a certain tool, skill or a form of maturity to be able to embark in the new one. 

HEALING AND SPIRITUALITY: 

When we embark on this path of self-love and healing there is a need to practise patience, letting go, surrendering to the things we can not control. All of these aspects need practising. 

That's why I believe and stand by the idea that healing and spirituality go hand and hand. When we do get that phrase of 'waiting' we practice letting go and surrendering. Something that is promoted within spiritual practises. 

Our healing is something we can control. We make the decisions with the changes and how we perceive the things we can not control. Such as world events, others behaviours and other external things. With healing, because it is from within that is something we have control over. We have control over perception, behaviour, habits and opportunity we embark in, people we surround ourself, the content we are watching, listening etc. We have control over own on body, mind and soul. Once we learn to control all parts of ourself (body, mind and soul) we begin to fall into this contentment and peace. That even if there is chaos going around there is this sense of peace and contentment within. 

When we feel like we have fallen back two steps down, it is not because we are failing but simply because we are needed to gain a different perspective on those levels we have fallen down on. Creating clarity and growth which then moves us up a different level of where we have fallen off in the first place. 

This is a learning process and something we practise throughout our lifetime. That is what really life is about, which is this constant learning of oneself and the constant gain of different perspective which evolve our body, mind and soul. 

TERRACOTTA WARRIORS & CAI GUO-QIANG EXHIBITION AT THE NATIONAL GALLERY OF VICTORIA NGV

Be Kinder, Less Critical

Honest Confession of Healing

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EMOTION: GRIEF

There are different types of healing and it will look different on everyone. Not many tell us this but we grief a sh*t tone during the healing process. We are grieving parts of ourself that we use to relate to and identified as. Griefing parts of our life that has helped us distract or escape from reality. Griefing doesn't have an expiry date or a timestamp on us, letting us know when it will end. Griefing has its own process and timeline. Not everyone will grief the same, just like healing. I do believe griefing is a need during the healing process. 

Many of us have different things we have to grief for. Many that might be too painful to look into, creating a coping mechanism of escaping or repressing. We all have gone through things we don't want to ever speak about. That ignoring and denying is much easier than accepting the fact that we are wounded and hurting. Another thing not many will tell us is that healing can sometimes be harder than the experience. I think it's because when the event happened we didn't see it as a wound. We didn't anticipate the pain it would have caused or how much of an injustice it was. In our healing process, we are conscious of the wrongdoings or the wound it has created. That's why it hurts more sometimes because we can't wrap our heads around the creation of the wound in the first place. 

Sometimes grief comes and go. Sometime we won't even feel the heaviness for days sometimes even weeks or months. Although it does pop up once in a while and sometimes it stays for only a day or two. Although there are times where it stays much longer, where we want to curl up in our bed and just lay there, till the heaviness fades.

Personally for me when dealing with grief I cry it out. I don't know how else to deal with it but with tears. I believe our tears are a physical manifestation of our emotions. If we notice that we can cry at almost any emotions. I also believe that there is no wrong or right way to grief or feel our emotions. As long as we are not harming others on the way, feel as you please.  

Griefing is such a heavy process. Grief is something the majority of people don't feel comfortable speaking about. I believe that is because of how emotions are labelled as 'positive' and 'negative'. Which is absolute rubbish, as no emotions are ever negative or positive. I believe it's the intensity of the emotions that classible them as positive and negative. We also have been conditioned and programmed into thinking that our emotions are our enemy and feeling certain emotions makes us weak. When reality emotion is part of the human experience.  Emotions are also an indication that we are a living being. 

Emotions are not something to be feared or run away from, they are quite the opposite. They are something to embrace, whether it's a ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ emotion. They are just an alarm that is ringing that indicates there is a need we need to attend too. It could be a need to go to heal something within, or a need to take a break from our environment, work, relationships etc. It is up to each individual to determine what their own emotions are letting them know. 

The teaching of repressing certain emotions, mainly negative ones is generally passed down through parental teachings. A type of tool that has been used throughout the generations on how we should handle and express our emotions. Which creates this intergenerational trauma that has been unconsciously passed down. There are plenty of reasons why this type of teaching was passed down, and it would lead back to survival reason. A majority of people have experienced events that have put them into survival mode and not having the right tools to deal with those events creates a coping mechanism of repressing emotions. 

This was a way their body and mind keep them safe during those traumatic events. That is what initially what survival mode is. Our body goes into flight or fight response to keep us alive and safe. When we are in flight or flight response for a long period of time our way of responding and relating to dangerous events can be altered. When we are overly anxious or overthinking of the next danger ahead. Those anxieties and paranoia are actually a trauma response. When finding where those anxieties and paranoia stems from, we find the root of it all which was a traumatic event that has happened in the past, which created this thinking patterning and narrative of 'everything going wrong'. We anticipate things to go wrong or something to come up because we have conditioned into that way of thinking. 

THINKING PATTERN

Our thinking pattern is so important that it doesn't phase us. It's just an automatic thing we do and the crazy part is that we don't realise that we are in autopilot. Where we are following a bunch of conditioning, blueprints, programming and beliefs that we have adapted and taken as part of ourself. We don't see this as an 'abnormal' thing, to be thinking negatively or in the state of constant self-doubt, because we are so used to it and conditioned into thinking we are our thoughts. When in reality we are more than our thoughts. Wild thing is that we can alter our thinking. We are able to reconstruct our patterning. We can change all those, although with this desire to change comes with work and effort. Work and effort that is needed to be put in an investment in our future self, which we will be thankful for when the future becomes the present moment. In the present moment of changing and reconstructing our brain patterning, it is uncomfortable and daunting, as it is the Unknown. If we have lived our lives through negative thinking and the constant state of self-doubt, having an optimistic outlook on life and ourself is the Unknown.

I was thrown into this whole ascension journey, unconsciously. I felt a pain that I couldn't understand why I was feeling it. I was very lost and didn't know myself outside my trauma. Which initially put me on the path of healing. I wanted to know who I was outside my pain, trauma, and my victimhood. I was done looking at myself as a victim or feeling like I was powerless. I wanted to know why I would still feel a certain way about an event that occurred so long ago. 

I was seeking truth from within.

Coming to an understanding of what trauma is and the effect it has on our body system was groundbreaking. When I began educating myself on what trauma is and the short and long term effects it has, not only in regards to our body system but how it affects our livelihood. It removed this sense of brokenness within me. It removed the concept that I needed 'fixing' and that there was something 'wrong' with me. When reality all I needed and required was healing.  

THERAPY/COUNSELLING

Seeking professional help in regards to therapies and counselling is not something to be ashamed or shame others for. The desire to healing is an empowering tool and a brave act to go within. To know and see ALL parts of ourself. Having the desire to seek the truth from within takes and gives you the power of bravery, courage, straight, resilient and love. Healing is an act of self-love. Having the desire to step out of our own programming and conditioning. The desire to want to know who we are outside of our pain, wounds and trauma is empowering. Our present moment self might be scared and unsure if this is a path we want to embark in. Although our future self (Higher Self) is looking at us and encouraging us to embark it, because deep down it's the way of experiencing the unconditional love, not just from others around us but from ourself. As within, so without.

The stigma and negative quantitation attach to counselling are around, not just within our society but our family and friends dynamics. Nobody can force others to seek professional help, that is something no one has control over. It's the knowledge that each of our healing processes is different and when we do embark into this path; we will be parting ways with people and have to make the conscious choice of detaching and letting go of that connection, because of compatibility reasons. Those people who don't want to embark in this path just yet. As nobody is ahead and behind with healing and we all have our own timeline. 

Being compassion to those who we have parted way with and to the parts of ourself that we're able to relate to them. By accepting ALL parts of ourself, the decisions that have led as to where we are now. We have to hold ourself accountable, not blaming ourself or others. We are taking accountability that the actions we have taken were from a place of hurt and pain. That is/was the core root of our actions and behaviours. So please give ourself compassion and understanding, that concept of 'hurt people, hurt people'. Even if at the time we thought that was the right way of handling a certain situation. We know better know in our present time. So let our experiences and past be teaching that we can acquire lessons from. Lessons that are going to help us evolve, grow and heal to the person we are meant and destined to be.

Don't EVER give up on yourself, take a rest BUT NEVER GIVE UP

Be Kinder, Less Critical