( DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional expert of narcissism or codependency. I am speaking from my own personal experiences and the ways I have overcome my own traits of narcissism and codependency. )
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Those who have a high level of narcissism and codependency traits will usually match up. As the person who has narcissism is seeking a partner who can validate and willing to go along with the illusion they have created. Whereas the co-dependent person will go along because they are seeking acceptance and love. They will tend to abandon parts of themself to feel those certain levels of security. They create this overtaking or over giving dynamic.
The most common trait both of these types of personality have are they are both deeply insecure and wounded. They either need others or external validation for their worthiness and a sense of acceptance. Rather than seeking it within them and finding it from within. As they live under the illusions and conditioning that their worth and a sense of acceptance are something that can be found outside of themself.
People who are secure within themself, do not need to go out and seek their worth from external things and others. They have a sense of security because they are grounded with who they are and they have cultivated self-love. -
There is a difference between narcissism and narcissistic. People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder lack guilt and it's harder for them to recover from that type of personality. Whereas someone who has a high level of narcissism, they usually adopt this from their upbringing. Where the children's material and physical needs were met although their emotional and mental needs were neglected or abandoned. Where the parents would only validate and accept them if they got external achievements such as metals or awards and never acknowledging the internal achievements such as over mental illness.
This creates conditioning that their worth and sense of acceptance is tied to material and physical possession as well as external achievements. Where this type of conditioning will be followed throughout their lives which then gets passed down throughout generations. That is an example of an intergenerational cycle many of us are on. This also gets the former adult to seek outside of themselves which always puts them in a runner chaser dynamic. Where they feel the need to constantly achieve more than they should because they have attached their self-worth and love to material and external. Which is a sign of a heightened Ego.
- Someone can have a certain level of narcissism traits, although might not necessarily be diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder.
Codependency is abandoning parts of ourself and seeking out acceptance, love and validation from others. There are many traits that are linked with being codependent, such as people-pleasing, lack of boundaries, low level of esteem or worth and a hard time saying no.
People who have a level of co-dependency will abandon parts of themselves to be liked or accepted. They fear of being alone which the reason why many of us tend to stay with people who we know are not compatible with us, not just romantically but also friendship wise. It also gets us in positions where we might be at risk because we have trouble of saying no and have a lack of knowledge and practise of putting up boundaries which get easily manipulated and harmed.
For each individual, it'll be different. Everyone does through different situations in their upbringing. Most of the root cause is from experiencing lack of boundaries as a child or not having set an example of people around us who have a secure sense of self or worth.
This isn't a time to blame our upbring or our parents. As an adult, we are responsible for our healing and how we cope with our emotions. It does suck when we are not given the right tools to overcome these hurdles. - Although we can choose with our free will to either repressed it or we can reparent ourself. Our parents didn't know any better. If we observe our family dynamics we will see a pattern which has most likely have been past down as parental teaching throughout the bloodline. - This is an opportunity to break cycles within our own bloodlines, so we do not further past it down to our future kins.
(Deeper depths of the concept of Breaking Generational Cycle: Link)
Both narcissism and codependency are deep-rooted from a lack of security with their self-esteem and worth. - The difference is with a narcissistic person, they can hold up a persona that they are deeply secure and confident although within themself that person is completely the opposite. There are also different types of narcissistic. Not all narcissistic people are confident and want the spotlight on them. Those types of narcissism are very easily spotted in a sense. - There are types where people with a certain level of narcissism will play the victim role. Where they are deeply rooted in the victim mentality and feel as everyone and everything is out to get them. So then they pursue and act out vindictive behaviours and are able to justify them because of the mindset they have.
Many narcissistic people feel like a victim, although someone will play this role to get what they want in life or a partner that will play and continue their illusions. Again narcissism comes in a spectrum, it will not be the same for everyone. It's about being aware of the signs and red flags.
That is why it is most likely for someone to be paired up when they have a certain level of co-dependency with someone who also has a level of narcissism. - With the use of spirituality, religion or their past shouldn't bypass the abuse and toxicity people go through in these types of dynamics. When people use their past as a way to bypass their current behaviour that is a form of manipulation and gaslighting. - Nobody has a choice of whatever circumstance had happened in the past. The current partner we do have in the present also did not create those circumstances.
When we have unhealed wounds that are not tended to. We move from a place of those unhealed wounds, whether we realise it or not. - When we become toxic and abusive to those who just want to love us. We can not use our past as our bypassing. - This context is different for each individual. It's using your decrement and common sense to alter this information for each individual reader.
It's different if both partners are on the same page and actively changing and heading towards growth and evolution of their own individual soul.
With romantic relationships, love and a spark are not enough. Compatibility has to be taken into account too. Not just with each person's interests, hobbies and like. It also comes with their goals, future, values and morals. - Sometimes we seem like we fit with people because of the spark they ignite within us, although when we look deeply we realise that it was only that spark we had in common. We then decide to embark on our own not because they are not worthy but we seek more than just a spark.
We tackle and heal our narcissism and codependency by loving ourself. Where we begin to break out of our whole foundation that is attached to the conditioning of narcissism and codependency. Any type of conditioning or beliefs that narrated that our worth and sense of self is attached to others needed to be reconstructed. This is where we have to unpack why we believe we do not deserve unconditional love and find the root cause it. Which is usually attached in our childhood.
A reminder that our childhood is where we build and create the first foundation that we bring out to the world. When we create one base on an unstable and unsteady foundation, to begin with, it's not going to last long or we will mirror that same instability. It's like using a table with three and a half legs. Learning to love ourself comes with inner work, patience and time. The harsh truth is that many of us want inner peace, contentment and a secure sense of self, although not many of us are willing to do the inner work. Which requires the level of security we are looking for from within. -
It's a process that takes us out of our comfort zone. To a place that we might not even be aware of or even know to exist. - Love that has attachments is not true love. We have to accept people for the way they are without trying to change them. It is not our job nor do we have the right to change others for liking. -
To truly love someone is to accept them for exactly who they are and even then we get to decide to either stay by their side or love them the distance. - Sometimes we have to choose to love ourself in order to feel unconditional love and that is okay.
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PROFESSIONAL EXPERTS - Links to their social media:
Dr. Ramani - YouTube
Sarah Kamoto - Instagram
Megan Dorthy - Instagram
Hailey Magee - Instagram
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BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL