Self love

Reconstruction From The Inner To Outer

Shared my insight on why no one will have the answers we seek, in ways we do and embody.

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There's no "one size fits all" in how to do and be in life. We've adapted these concepts that to be successful, we "have" and "should" do it in a particular way or else we fail in life. We, humans, do this thing when we don't know what to do, we tend to look around at what everyone else is doing, to create formality and a sense of comfort. So it doesn't feel like we're missing out on anything.

It's like when we're in that space of discomfort of the unknown we want to escape it. We want to hide from it. We want to avoid it at all costs. It's not something we intentionally do, again we've adapted certain concepts and programming that teach us that being in the unknown means unsafety. The funny thing about this concept is the future has always been in the unknown, it's something that's not set in stone; meaning each day we have an opportunity to create what we desire from our inner to our external world.

Many of us have been so distracted and focused on coping and surviving that we haven't had the opportunity to connect to ourselves. In ways that strip the parts of us that no longer align and never aligned to our authenticity; the parts we absorbed and embodied so the world will accept and loves us in ways we're desiring and meet our needs. Creating a blueprint that tells us being ourselves is not good enough, instead, we must create a mask that pleases the world, rather than pleasing our hearts.

That's why we move the way we do. That's why we choose self-abandonment over our hearts' truths. That's why we feel guilty for standing up for what's in alignment with our hearts. That's why it's so challenging to listen to our inner calling, intuition and truths because we've been taught, from generation to generation, that it's wrong to do so. Even worst we get exiled from our community. Being alienated in a world where it's all about connections and coming together i.e. embodiment/integration.

I believe we're moving towards newer times. That many of us are tired and awakening to the concept that we're in systems that were created to keep us slaved in spaces that do not align with our heart's truth. Spaces that drain us and dim our light down, serve a purpose as a distraction disconnecting us from what we're called to create in this lifetime. Disconnected from living our unique energy signature which is what we embody when we live our hearts' truths i.e. authenticity.

Come to an understanding that no one, let me repeat it in caps NO ONE, in this world is not going to have the same experiences, nor will the process for it will be the same. I believe this is the key concept that assists us in being compassionate and kind to ourselves (and others). We tend to be hard on ourselves because of the expectations we've put on ourselves and absorbed since birth. Coming to understanding and peace that no one is supposed to have the same life as us. No one is believed to have the same experiences.

Truth be told if we were all having the same experiences that would defeat the purpose of Earth. The main reason, why we evolve in the ways we do is through each other. When we trigger one another, when we judge, hate, love, admire, connect, disconnect and our overall interactions! We influence and impact each other in ways that assist us in our evolution when we're choosing to receive it, through our differences and similarity.

We are complex beings that reflect the complexity and multi-dimensional realities we live in. These complexity, similarities, and differences are what make up the reason why we could be standing next to someone and have a completely different reality. Example: Person X, lives in fear and judges themselves heavily whereas Person V, they're living in the present and accept mistakes as lessons.

At the end of the day no other consciousness is experiencing this life for us, but our own. No one gets to experience our inner world the way we do unless we welcome others through vulnerability; sharing our experiences with them. As there's just no blueprint in our external world that'll guide us to create the life that aligns with our hearts' truths; it's within us. It's a matter of building that muscle of self-trust and stripping everything that we were made to believe made us who we are when in reality, it was all a fucking illusion.

Now, ready to be awakened to the power and light that's always lived within. The power and light that’ll guide us to creating experiences aligned with our hearts' truth, committing to the evolution of our consciousness and creating why we came here in the first place.

Remember our life is not supposed to make sense, especially if we're following our heart's truths. Now, it's going to look like madness to anyone who doesn't have access to its methods.

Take what resonates, like always

Remember, to be kinder, less critical

narcissism and codependency


( DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional expert of narcissism or codependency. I am speaking from my own personal experiences and the ways I have overcome my own traits of narcissism and codependency. )

Art Created by Iuliastration

Art Created by Iuliastration





Those who have a high level of narcissism and codependency traits will usually match up. As the person who has narcissism is seeking a partner who can validate and willing to go along with the illusion they have created. Whereas the co-dependent person will go along because they are seeking acceptance and love. They will tend to abandon parts of themself to feel those certain levels of security. They create this overtaking or over giving dynamic. 

The most common trait both of these types of personality have are they are both deeply insecure and wounded. They either need others or external validation for their worthiness and a sense of acceptance. Rather than seeking it within them and finding it from within. As they live under the illusions and conditioning that their worth and a sense of acceptance are something that can be found outside of themself.

People who are secure within themself, do not need to go out and seek their worth from external things and others. They have a sense of security because they are grounded with who they are and they have cultivated self-love. - 




There is a difference between narcissism and narcissistic. People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder lack guilt and it's harder for them to recover from that type of personality. Whereas someone who has a high level of narcissism, they usually adopt this from their upbringing. Where the children's material and physical needs were met although their emotional and mental needs were neglected or abandoned. Where the parents would only validate and accept them if they got external achievements such as metals or awards and never acknowledging the internal achievements such as over mental illness. 

This creates conditioning that their worth and sense of acceptance is tied to material and physical possession as well as external achievements. Where this type of conditioning will be followed throughout their lives which then gets passed down throughout generations. That is an example of an intergenerational cycle many of us are on. This also gets the former adult to seek outside of themselves which always puts them in a runner chaser dynamic. Where they feel the need to constantly achieve more than they should because they have attached their self-worth and love to material and external. Which is a sign of a heightened Ego. 

- Someone can have a certain level of narcissism traits, although might not necessarily be diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder. 




Codependency is abandoning parts of ourself and seeking out acceptance, love and validation from others. There are many traits that are linked with being codependent, such as people-pleasing, lack of boundaries, low level of esteem or worth and a hard time saying no. 

People who have a level of co-dependency will abandon parts of themselves to be liked or accepted. They fear of being alone which the reason why many of us tend to stay with people who we know are not compatible with us, not just romantically but also friendship wise. It also gets us in positions where we might be at risk because we have trouble of saying no and have a lack of knowledge and practise of putting up boundaries which get easily manipulated and harmed. 

For each individual, it'll be different. Everyone does through different situations in their upbringing. Most of the root cause is from experiencing lack of boundaries as a child or not having set an example of people around us who have a secure sense of self or worth. 

This isn't a time to blame our upbring or our parents. As an adult, we are responsible for our healing and how we cope with our emotions. It does suck when we are not given the right tools to overcome these hurdles. - Although we can choose with our free will to either repressed it or we can reparent ourself. Our parents didn't know any better. If we observe our family dynamics we will see a pattern which has most likely have been past down as parental teaching throughout the bloodline. - This is an opportunity to break cycles within our own bloodlines, so we do not further past it down to our future kins. 
(Deeper depths of the concept of Breaking Generational Cycle: Link)



Both narcissism and codependency are deep-rooted from a lack of security with their self-esteem and worth. - The difference is with a narcissistic person, they can hold up a persona that they are deeply secure and confident although within themself that person is completely the opposite. There are also different types of narcissistic. Not all narcissistic people are confident and want the spotlight on them. Those types of narcissism are very easily spotted in a sense. - There are types where people with a certain level of narcissism will play the victim role. Where they are deeply rooted in the victim mentality and feel as everyone and everything is out to get them. So then they pursue and act out vindictive behaviours and are able to justify them because of the mindset they have. 
Many narcissistic people feel like a victim, although someone will play this role to get what they want in life or a partner that will play and continue their illusions. Again narcissism comes in a spectrum, it will not be the same for everyone. It's about being aware of the signs and red flags. 





That is why it is most likely for someone to be paired up when they have a certain level of co-dependency with someone who also has a level of narcissism. - With the use of spirituality, religion or their past shouldn't bypass the abuse and toxicity people go through in these types of dynamics. When people use their past as a way to bypass their current behaviour that is a form of manipulation and gaslighting. - Nobody has a choice of whatever circumstance had happened in the past. The current partner we do have in the present also did not create those circumstances.

When we have unhealed wounds that are not tended to. We move from a place of those unhealed wounds, whether we realise it or not. - When we become toxic and abusive to those who just want to love us. We can not use our past as our bypassing. - This context is different for each individual. It's using your decrement and common sense to alter this information for each individual reader. 

It's different if both partners are on the same page and actively changing and heading towards growth and evolution of their own individual soul.

With romantic relationships, love and a spark are not enough. Compatibility has to be taken into account too. Not just with each person's interests, hobbies and like. It also comes with their goals, future, values and morals.  - Sometimes we seem like we fit with people because of the spark they ignite within us, although when we look deeply we realise that it was only that spark we had in common. We then decide to embark on our own not because they are not worthy but we seek more than just a spark. 

 
We tackle and heal our narcissism and codependency by loving ourself. Where we begin to break out of our whole foundation that is attached to the conditioning of narcissism and codependency. Any type of conditioning or beliefs that narrated that our worth and sense of self is attached to others needed to be reconstructed. This is where we have to unpack why we believe we do not deserve unconditional love and find the root cause it. Which is usually attached in our childhood. 

A reminder that our childhood is where we build and create the first foundation that we bring out to the world. When we create one base on an unstable and unsteady foundation, to begin with, it's not going to last long or we will mirror that same instability. It's like using a table with three and a half legs. Learning to love ourself comes with inner work, patience and time. The harsh truth is that many of us want inner peace, contentment and a secure sense of self, although not many of us are willing to do the inner work. Which requires the level of security we are looking for from within. - 

It's a process that takes us out of our comfort zone. To a place that we might not even be aware of or even know to exist. - Love that has attachments is not true love. We have to accept people for the way they are without trying to change them. It is not our job nor do we have the right to change others for liking. - 

To truly love someone is to accept them for exactly who they are and even then we get to decide to either stay by their side or love them the distance. - Sometimes we have to choose to love ourself in order to feel unconditional love and that is okay.  


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PROFESSIONAL EXPERTS - Links to their social media: 

Dr. Ramani - YouTube  
Sarah Kamoto - Instagram
Megan Dorthy - Instagram
Hailey Magee - Instagram

Art Created by Iuliastration

Art Created by Iuliastration



BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL