Letting Go Of OLD Paradigm

Taken by Merichel Sanchez

Experiencing traumatic circumstances during our childhood creates a ‘dint’ within our mental, emotional and spiritual development. It can sometimes cause as to mature much quicker than other children or take on responsibilities that are not ours to carry. There are many different scenarios of what childhood trauma does to a person.

It will not look the same for everyone, which is normal. One of the best ways to heal and understand trauma for our selves is by educating our self on what happens with it. Understanding that trauma does not just stay in our mind, it also stores in our body. As the mind and the brain are connected through the nervous system.

-- The thing is with our mind, as soon as we process new information, the other information in our consciousness will make its way to our subconscious, eventually until we ‘forget’ about it. This is a way for new current information to be processed, learnt and adapted into our mind.
We might not even be aware that we are holding onto a belief, memory, emotion or conditioning that is rooted in our traumatic experiences. It does this thing where if we ignore it in one area of our life, it will manifest and shapeshift itself into other areas; until we can no longer ignore it.

Trauma healing is hard, daunting, uncomfortable and scary. I’m not going to sit here and create this illusion that it’s easy and glamorous or just love and light type of inner work. I can’t tell you how much times I’ve finished a box of tissue within all my therapy sessions. It’s this inside joke I’ve had with all my therapies because during the first couple sessions, I use to finish like 2 boxes of them in one session and toward the end, I’d only go through 5 sheets of tissue papers. This joke is so funny to me and it shows the process of what therapy does.

I use to cry when the question ‘who is Merichel?’ would pop up. This question was so daunting to me because I didn’t know who I was. The things that came to mind was the habits I participated in which was drugs, partying, sex and being mentally ill. I was the one that people would go to for advice and vent too, the ‘counsellor’ of the group. Those were the characteristics I believed made up of my identity.

The deeper I unpacked my traumas I realised that those roles and identities were trauma responses and the desire to escape reality through substance abuse, sex and partying had deeper roots and reasoning behind it; which was trauma. Same with mental illness, since I was a teen I’ve always dealt with mental illness and the idea of it not being embed with my identity was confronting. It's like who am I if I'm not that sad, depressed, anxious girl?

At the time the thought of unpacking my identity and the root cause of the behaviours I indulged in was scary. It was stepping into the unknown. It's the first awareness I had of the unknown. I didn’t know who I was outside of my trauma, my pain, illness and trauma responses, I had zero clues.

If I had the 2019 version of myself in front of me, I would embrace her and that's it. No word just embrace and acceptance for where I was at during that moment. Expressing enough gratitude and love I have for all the versions of myself that held pain and trauma; for believing that it was the way of living until something tragic would happen to me. A belief I didn't know I was holding on to at the time.

Facing my trauma and pain was the key to my self-awareness. No drugs, no ritual, no magic just simply facing and feeling my pain awaken my soul.

I began to stop listening to others and retreated to myself. Back to who I am naturally and who I am supposed to be. I went into solitude. I cut off communication with a lot of people that was rooted in trauma bonding and the ones that were one-sided and tended to myself and my own needs.

We get to a point in life that all the identities, roles, bandaids and short term fixes we use and chuck on, are no longer working. It losses its effect and then we are called to either find a harder fix or we go and see what we are running away from.

This is where many people spit up, some go within and some people look for something harder. This doesn’t make them a bad or toxic person, it’s just an example of what pain truly does to a person.

How pain can change someone to someone we can barely recognise today. -

It’s not selfish to tend to our wounds and fill our own cup, especially if we have been always been the ‘healer’ or ‘counsellor’ of the group. Sometimes the best thing we can do for all parties involved is to retreat and tend to our own needs. And those who are our true friends will understand this, they will not take it personally as they hold the same value and concept. For those who take offends to us catering to our own needs, they are not the people we are supposed to build long turn legacy or infrastructure with.

When we experience trauma (especially at a young age) our brain is wired to be in survival mode and constantly looking out for danger. This also means that we have created traits and characteristics base on survival, rather than authenticity. These responses and identities are what we go out into the world creating relationships and attachments with. When we embark on trauma healing, there is a need to let go of those identities we believed made us who we are.

As we free our self from embedding our trauma responses and pain within our identity the attachment we have created based on those versions of ourselves will no longer resonate when we begin to live out authenticity.

Sometimes people coming into our lives to teach as the lesson of who we are and who we are never going to be again and other times they reflect a fragment of our self that need acknowledging and healing. For that, we gratefully thank them for being a part of our journey and showing us the lesson we needed to ascend.

Most of the time we are called to take the lessons with us and have to learn to let the person go. Welcome, grieve in with open arms as we let go of the past versions of ourselves with kindness and compassion that resonated with them. Giving them thanks for having to assist us in overcoming challenges we thought we couldn't at the time. Letting them go with grace and forgiveness for teaching us the valuable lesson that ascending our soul and awareness.

Trauma is never something we asked for nor are we to blame. We do have a choice though, to either heal and grow from it or let it decay us and make us turn into a person we no longer recognise. -

Our past will never define and predict where we are going in the future or what we can accomplish. It doesn't define us nor is it a reflection of who we truly are. Healing is a journey, not a destination, having to let go of the idea that we can't reach content and peace in the present moment is an illusion. We can be at peace and content with our past and heal from it.

We can embark on a new beginning while healing, we don't need to 'fully healed' to be in a new cycle or embark on a beginning/journey. Let go of guilt for having the desire to move from a place of authenticity and higher vibrations. Don't feel bad for having outgrown people or certain versions of our self, instead embrace the change that is we are being lead to.

Enjoy this paradigm shift and transformation that is occurring internally and in our external world. Trust our own process and begin with loving and nurturing our self in the smallest way each day; as those efforts build up to something bigger.

Be Kinder, Less Critical

Inner Child Healing

Topics: Shadow Aspects, Reparenting, Feeling Multiple Emotions at Once, Blueprints and Programming and the Past. 

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 We can’t deny that we don’t have an Inner Child within us. We all have that part within us, it might just be repressed underneath all the experiences we went through as a child. That doesn’t mean it’s not there, it’s just buried under all the unhealed, unclaimed, neglected, abandoned parts of us that we haven’t faced.

The early stages of our life are our childhood. The first relationships we form are with our parents and family dynamics. Those are the baseline of our foundations not just in regards to relationships but also the way we view ourself, the world and how we move in life. In our early stages of experiencing life, we are dependant and relay on our parents for our livelihood. Nobody in the world had a choose of who our family are and the conditioning that was already set prior to our existence. There is never a ‘perfect’ childhood as nobody is perfect. Parents make mistakes as the majority of the time they are going along the learning process of raising a child. Which is fine and normal. It’s okay to make mistakes and trip up. As children, we didn’t get much choice, although as adults the beauty of it is we have more choices on how we should move forward in our reality. 

Some of us might have not had the best childhood and upbringing. We might have experienced the worst and shown how evil the world is at those early stages of our life. Those experiences that might still haunt as till this day. No child in the world had control over the parents or the family they were put in. It’s something no kid chooses and have NO CONTROL OVER. Same goes with the circumstance we experienced growing up, we had no control over those either. We were not ‘little adults’, we were children. We had barely experienced in the world. We didn’t know the full scope of the world we lived in. We were new and were only in the early stages of life.

In the early stages of life that is where we create and form our foundations, blueprints and programming to use in our adulthood. Which is a larger portion of our life, our childhood and adolescence are just a small part of it. Although just because it’s a small part does not mean it doesn’t hold its value. During our childhood like I’ve stated, those years are the creation of the foundation, blueprints and programming. Where in our adolescence years are the time we put those foundations into working. Where we begin to form relationships and a sense of who we are outside of our family dynamics. For the majority of people during those times, we are unconscious of the blueprints and programming we are following. As our adolescence years where we were finding our own bearings and trying out who we were. Our adolescence years are only makeup 7 years of our life. Those stages feel as they would last forever although they don’t. 

In the context of healing, we have to acknowledge those parts of ourself. That we didn’t experience the best case during the early stages of life. Which wasn’t our fault nor are we to blame. The circumstances either from our childhood or adolescence years created an impact of how we moved throughout our adulthood. Whatever the circumstances we have experienced that has caused us pain, hurt or trauma it deserves acknowledging. It doesn’t matter what those ingredients are, as everyone in the world deserves to have their pain, hurt and trauma acknowledge and tenderly cared for.  

As young children we didn’t have a choice nor can we do much about our past. It’s not about staying there. It’s about learning and creating a different perspective. We have a choice to take in all the negative and bad things we got out of our experiences OR we can reclaim the fragments that we had to abandoned or that were taken from us. Either way, we do have free will for a reason. We get to choose either to stay or evolve. 

 Having to come to term with the reality of our childhood will bring in grief. We will grieve and mourn the parts of ourself that never had the chance to live. The parts and experiences our Inner Child didn’t experience nor did they had the chance to. - Life can be unfair at times and it sucks, I’m not going to tell anyone who is reading this otherwise. Because it does, it’s heartbreaking and disappointing that we didn’t receive the love, nurturing, care or tending to as a child. That’s why grief and mourning is an important part of healing and reclaiming these fragment of ourself.

When we begin to heal and rip off the rose coloured lenses we’ve cast on our upbringing. We will feel all sort of emotions. Which is normal. Naming and identity what emotions we are feeling is an IMPORTANT process. When we identify, label and put a name on a certain heaviness we are feeling it makes it lighter. It gives that emotion an identification. It’s important to give our emotions identities and naming them. Because when we do this, next time it comes to resurface we are able to recognise it. We won’t feel confused or distress about why we feel the way we do. Once identifying the emotion we can find where it stems from which will lead us to the root cause. 

 This process isn’t an overnight work to do, it’s a process that is done gradually and at each individuals pace. We can not rush healing or we can push our emotions out. Those two aspects have their own cycles. We can not force to have something resurface from our subconscious because we want it too. It doesn’t work like that.

Personally, for me, I send out an intention to having any unhelpful or toxic pattering, blueprints, programming or foundations I still unconsciously follow to come to the surface. And then letting it go, meaning letting go of how it’ll come to me. I’ve set out the intention and that’s all I can do. -  Our access to our subconscious is very limited and quite difficult to get into. It has its own way of processing and dealing with information. It doesn’t operate the way our consciousness does. Most of the time when something comes to surface from our subconscious it comes in the form of triggers. As triggers are just alarm clocks from the emotions within our subconscious. It’s a sign that we need to address and reclaim something from within. 

When reclaiming our Inner Child, there is a need to re-parent ourself. We need these aspects of compassion, kindness, empathy and nurturing towards ourself first before we can give it to our parents and others. How are we supposed to provide an emotionally safe space for others when we are not able to do that for ourself? When we neglect to give ourself the emotional needs we require, we will feel some sort of resentment towards anyone who is asking to provide that space for them from us. It’s about pouring and tending to our own cup before trying to fill everyone else’s. 

An example of an Inner Child wound: When our Inner Child is abandoned, it creates a Shadow aspect from our wounds. Where will abandon and neglect parts of our own self to be accepted and loved by others. It’s this constant seeking of approval and acceptance from others because that’s is what we needed as a child. So then we create relationship dynamics that will mirror that lack so we can become aware of the patterning. Which will provoke a choice of changing and transmuting the patterning. Another example is the tendency to people please which stems from codependency. Where we have created narratives and beliefs that we have to attach a condition or a hidden agenda to be loved, accepted or valued in society or our relationships. These are just a couple of examples, everyone will have different types of wounds and how they impacted their own lives. Different types of wounds also create Shadow aspects within us. Each individual has different and similar upbringing although it’s never the same. Where it’s not identical by all the details or the way an individual perceives it. - From wounds ties in with types of pattering that we use to operate in our day today. These types of patterning are partly conscious and the unconscious part of it is the root cause of behaviours, actions, and habits. 

It’s hard to be aware of our own blueprints and programming when we lack knowledge of how our mind works. Our mind is like a computer system where we have to put in programs and blueprints for it to work. So it can operate smoothly and each programming as its purpose on why it’s in the system. It is similar to our brain it has to have programming and blueprints to follow to be able to maneuver in life. We don’t just choose to do something because ‘it feels right’,  there is a subconscious programming we are following. Most of our programming and blueprints are subconscious; we operate a certain way although we are not sure where an action, behaviour or habit is rooted from. - Those blueprints and programming were created in our childhood. When we lack the knowledge of the KEY information of our nature and the way we operate. Which then we become unconscious of all these parts of ourself,

 That’s why when reparenting we have to give ourself the compassion, kindness and understanding so we can give it to your parents. - We can feel more than one emotions. We are multidimensional beings meaning we can feel as many emotions as long as we are not overwhelmed or causes distress. 

We can feel resentment and anger and also be grateful and appreciate towards our parents. As both of those emotions exist within us.

When are reclaiming we can not ignore one or another. It’s is about embracing ALL aspects of our self, for good or bad. Either way, they both bring healing which creates a different perspective and way of looking not just ourself but also others around us. Which also creates a restructuring on the infrastructures of our blueprints and programming. Which changes our relationship with ourself, others and how we move in life. 

Just be patient and be kind to ourself more. It’s not a race, nobody is up for gold metal or trophies. It’s about reclaiming ALL FRAGMENTS OF OURSELF from the mind, body and soul. Each and one of us are on our own journey and path. We are not supposed to compare ourself and our healing to others. It’s not supposed to be like that, we can’t reclaim our entire Divinity if we are looking over and comparing our fragments and journey to others. That creates gaps and illusions within our own path and journey. It’s important to ground in this concept and detach from a competitive mindset especially in regards to our healing and general life. 

We are not all supposed to be the same, we all came here to have different and unique experiences. If we were all the same, it would be bland and boring place to be in. Accepting all parts of ourself means the past and present while being open to the possibility of the future. Healing is simply embracing, acknowledging, tending and then reclaiming parts of ourself to fill the void we are experiencing.

Inner Child healing is an important process of our ascension and healing journey. When we embark on this journey we need to reclaim all fragments of ourself throughout our lives, from the beginning to the present. It’s a process and it’s not an overnight accomplishment. It’s about reclaiming OUR WHOLE ENTIRE DIVINITY, which will take time. The Inner Child healing is so empowering and liberating in the sense that we realise that we didn’t have control over our reality during those early stages. Although as adults when we do this type of healing we realise and reclaim the power of control within our reality. We realise that we can choose who we want to be now and that our past doesn’t define us. Nor as does it dictate where we are heading towards. - The past was simply stepping stones to gaining a level of perspective and maturity to embark on our chosen path. I’ve stated it before, Inner Child healing is not about living in the past it’s about claiming the parts we abandoned and detached from due to our circumstances. 

The past is the only set reality as it’s already happened, whereas the present moment is in between the unknown and certainty and the future is and will always be the unknown. Our past DOES NOT AND WILL NEVER DEFINE WHO ARE, WHO CAN BE AND WHAT WE CAN ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE. 

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

Shadow Healing

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We all have battled our OWN demons. Understanding many of us carry demons with us that are actually our Shadow. I believe transmuting and healing and understanding our demons are just wounds that need healing.

Shadow healing is a part of the process when we are going within the depth of ourselves. There is no hiding from it although we can deny these aspects of ourselves (which then puts us on a cycle of having these aspects reflect back to us). As we go deeper within ourselves we realise that we have harmed others just like how we harm ourselves. Whether it was unconsciously or consciously, it doesn't change the fact it has harmful.

WHAT DOES THE TERM 'SHADOW SELF' MEAN: 

The term shadow self is made of certain personality traits that we've repressed and rejected. They are not always negative some of these personality traits are positive although, due to society, friends or family dynamics we had to push and shame them away to our subconscious psyche. Shadow self can come through as projections or reactions when we are triggered. Carl Jung (a psychoanalyst) believed that the Shadow is in our subconscious. A part of our mind we have very little access to. - This goes in hand in hand with having to find the spark within first before beginning Shadow healing. We have to get to the surface level part of our mind before getting into our Shadow, as it's in our subconscious.

When people deny this part themselves, they are denying themselves as a whole. When we are not accepting of our Shadow, the good and bad; the harmful behaviours, actions we have done to others, those go hiding in our subconscious. Which then leads to blindly projecting, following and reacting to those aspects of ourselves. Being self-aware come with taking accountability. The good and the bad. We can't expect to just receive the good about someone or ourselves. Each and one of us came with our own Shadow. This comes with many layers. Someone who doesn't see their own Shadow or ignored the fact they have a Shadow is someone who is in denial. 

During this process, we begin to take accountability for our past actions, behaviours and habits. Many of us blame the past for our current situation. Not only are we focusing and living in the past (where it is a reality that can not be changed, it doesn't matter how hard you think about it, it's not changeable) we are also shifting the blame onto our past, we are not just blaming the experience and situations we have been in, we are also blaming those version of ourselves and others. We lose our power, instead, we are projecting it to our past and onto others, where it doesn't belong. Taking accountability isn't easy. It's rough, uncomfortable and unpleasant, coming to terms that nobody is to blame for our current situation but ourselves and our own decisions.

PURPOSE OF SHADOW HEALING:

The purpose of Shadow healing brings the found light within to our Shadow. Embracing them and showing compassion to the parts of ourselves that we have shamed, repressed and hated. That's how those aspects of ourselves have turned into shadows, from shame, hate and judgment. That's why giving ourselves compassion, kindness and understanding when going within is VERY important and those are the light we shine to our Shadow. 

Give it ourselves. We deserve it. 

Journalling is a great way to do Shadow healing. The point of journaling isn't to be the next Shakespeare. It's to put your thoughts somewhere we can visibly see and re-read; not all our thoughts and feeling are facts. Journaling helps us pull ourselves when we began to get lost in the past when we are reflecting. It is also a great way to keep 'a log' of the process of our healing. When we do get days where we feel like we are back in square one, we can look back in our journal with the process we have made. 

This is where we need compassion, kindness and understanding to come in. We have to understand that we are all following blueprints and programs that we are not even aware of. We are wearing lenses that are tainted from our past wounds and hurt. That's why we need to give our self the compassion and understanding we project onto others. We need to give those aspects to ourselves first to fully thrive in life.  

Bringing our light down to the depths of ourselves is important because we can easily get lost in the depths of ourselves that we sometimes pour more shame and hatred. When that is not what is needed. Our light is the tool that we use to accept and understand those aspects of ourselves. That part of ourselves is beginning to be seen and accepted, which is what the Shadow needs and wants.

EMBRACE AND INTEGRATE:

Part of Shadow healing is integrating our Shadow with ourselves as one. Meaning accepting those parts of us and embracing them. When we have integrated our Shadow those aspects of ourselves will be reflected back to us and then begin to identify them. Our Shadow Self mostly operated and dominates during the cycle when we are not very self-aware with the depths of ourselves or the term 'awake'. 

When integrating our Shadow we gain a new source of energy and power from within. Something that we can use to cultivate to bring forth manifestations and creating our heaven on Earth. We are the source of this new energy and we just embraced, integrated and transmuted the Shadow Self energy into a more helpful source of energy for us. 

We can transmute this energy through art, psychical activity, meditating, journaling, etc. 

ANY energy can be transmuted.

Healing and spirituality come hand in hand. Because each and one of us have been through something painful that we still carry till this day, even if we are not aware of it. It doesn’t matter how much love and light we preach, without dealing and acknowledging our Shadow Self it doesn’t do any good. We have chaos and destruction around us, why wouldn’t be within us? Chaos and destruction within are self-sabotage, negative self-talk, self-doubt, fear. These are what the Devil energy is.

I'd like to emphasise that life IS NOT black and white. It comes with many shades of greys and colours, it's up to each individual to heal and then integrate the knowledge we have acquired during our OWN process. Healing isn't a competition there is no finish line where we will be rank and receive gold medals. That's not how healing works. It's the concept of changing the reconstructing our blueprints, program and self to become a better individual. An individual who is not pouring their wounds and hurt onto others. An individual who is seeing the present moment for what it is and not through the lenses of their past and suffering. 

An individual who is willing to thrive in life no matter what cards they were dealt with, as those DO NOT DEFINE US AND OUR FUTURE. Having compassion and kindness, to ALL the versions of ourselves. We are not born evil or bad. Nobody is, it's the way some have been programmed and have been blindly following it. 

Be Kinder, Less Critical