Topics:

Diving into what shame is, how it manifests itself (The Stems) in our reality (examples provided), how it affects our self-worth, how we can heal this part of ourselves, and healing reminders along the way of the writing piece.

Shame is that discomfort we feel within us that makes us stop living out and doing things we love because narratives like "what if people think I'm weird", "my parents won't approve of that", "my friends won't accept me", or "who would love and accept me if I did X, Y or Z", that run through our mind derailing our plans and desires to live and create a life that is fulfilling; and a reflection of our passion, desires and contentment.

Many times the root cause of the shame we feel is unconscious, meaning there is a seed we've planted throughout our life (majority of the time in our childhood/upbringing) that made us believe being ourselves or doing a particular thing would get those around us to not meet our needs or expectations (ie. to be loved, accepted, included, seen, respected etc.). This particular seed still affects and influences our day to day lives it's just we aren't consciously aware of its impact.

Here is the catch; there was a point in our history that our reality was being shamed and judged for whatever reasons. These particular experiences wired our nervous system in a way that each time we are faced with a similar situation, for example having to express our truths, those wiring will be trigged. This is where we'll have narratives such as those listed above will run through our mind, creating a completely different action to what we initially/intuitively desired or planned.

Another example: We were shamed and judged for expressing our love for astrology and those around us told us that it was “fake”. That those predictions don't won't come true and people who participate in that type of industry are “scammers”. Now as an adult we’re trying to dive into that part of ourselves although there is a conflict going on within us. Where a part feels like we’re a fraud or our friends and family won’t accept us, and another part is filling up with life and passion because it's what our soul is calling us to do.

This is what shame does. It stops us from living out our authenticity because we've created attached to our worth with our external world. Where we created beliefs that our worth and sense of value is determined by what is occurring in our external world and the people we’ve put on a pedestal say.

For example, when we've attached our sense of value to our productivity that we push ourselves towards burnout just so feel less guilty for resting. We go on a cycle where we shame ourselves when our body is clearly calling out for rest. This cycle of shame manifests in many ways like when we try to achieve certain things because we have attached this idea, that we will receive a particular need for example to feel happy about ourselves. When in reality we don't need that particular achievement to be happy because happiness shouldn't be our end goal to achieve things. We should be happy in moving forward in achieving our goals and using that particular energy to push through the challenges and lemons life gives us along the way.

This doesn't mean we should bypass our other emotions F*CK NO! This means that we shouldn't put in our goals 'to be happy'. Happiness is an emotion, which we feel so many in just one day and they are not permanent. It's unrealistic to expect ourselves to be happy all the time because that stops us from expressing and embodying our true authentic emotions.

Happiness should be our fuel to go after what we desire because we have the right and deserve to be happy and welcome in that sensation with ease, rather than making it our reward. We have the right to be happy and worthy now!

Worth & Shame

The definition of our value, worth, sense of self and emotions are not attached to anything or anyone, it's something we define within ourselves. What someone else finds valuable, might not be valuable to us. That's because we all have different sets of values, morals, ethics, perceptions, truths, and desires, not everyone will have the same. It's important to remind ourselves that; because many times people project their shame and judgements that lives and plays within their inner worlds to their outer world.

The majority of the time that's the reason how we got those seeds of shame in the first because someone in our external (someone we probably looked up to) unconsciously projected their internalized shame and judgement to us. Not knowing/having the knowledge and awareness at the times we created this blueprint that shamed and abandoned parts of ourselves in order to receive a need (example: to be loved, accepted, valued, included).

Shame stops us from living and expressing our bare and raw truths. Where we learnt to dim our light down, quieten our voice, turn down our sensitivity, just for others comfort. Because of those experiences, where we adapted shame, we’ve created fears and limitations that keep us in cycles of self-abandonment. It also stops us from living and creating a life we desire.

The Stem & Healing

Those narratives and thoughts we are aware of are the stems from the seed of internalized shame within our subconscious mind. There is a purpose on why we have suppressed that seed. It’s just the sheer fact that it brings forth discomfort when re-visiting the reasons why they’re there in the first place. Having to see it from a higher perspective and the lenses as our adult version, how we were treated as children, is daunting and uncomfortable. It brings up heavy emotions and memories, that we suppressed for good reasons, such as survival and keeping us safe and sane.

Providing compassion, love, empathy and pure forgiveness is what mend those parts of ourselves. Obviously, healing comes in layers. We don't generally forgive ourselves and those who have (intentionally or unconsciously) hurt us just like that. It takes time and process for our subconscious mind to catch up to the rewiring within our conscious mind. Rewiring our inner systems from the nervous system, mindset, behavioural patterning is not overnight work.

The way we heal the internalized shame we have is by determining what stems are coming out of those particular roots. What aspects of ourselves from the activities, habits, traits, mindset patterns, past experiences are we judging and shaming. Many times unpacking the stems allows us to get to the root cause of why it's there in the first place.

By acknowledging those stems we are bringing our awareness to it, which then puts us in a position to unpack them. You can download my free e-book "Alchiments Your Fear" which allows you to go through a step by step process of unpacking your stems. Alter the process for shame instead of fear.

a set of journal prompts you can use when unpacking shame within yourself:

Pick a specific part of yourself you’re ashamed of although would love to live out in your reality:

Observe the emotions, thoughts, beliefs/narratives that come up for you surrounding this shame.
Then reflect back to the times where this has come up for you. Dive into details of these reflections. Observe the emotions, narratives, that are coming up. Is there a pattern?
Do have a recollection of when you had this pattern or particular fragment come up for the first time? If so when?
Has it popped up in other areas (career, love, friendship, family, business) of your life, although a different texture but same root?

A gentle reminder that this process comes in layers. There be no set deadline where we will be 'fully healed', although a time where our triggers won't flare up anymore because we've worked actively and consistently to re-wire them from shame to self-acceptance. This just takes time and effort in creating, allowing time to teach us patience is also part of this process.

It's important not to rush our journey and progress. As much as we want to jump and leap towards the next cycle, believe it or not, each cycle we are on provides and equips us with the experiences and knowledge we need for the next cycles of our journey. Allow those discomfort and heavy emotions that we've stored and suppressed for so long, to be expressed and released allowing us to make room for new energies to welcome and embody.

Be patient, graceful and kind with ourselves as we unlearn and simultaneously learn new ways of living a life in alignment to who we are truly underneath the limitations, fears, propagandas, programmings and conditionings that made us believe we weren't worthy and valuable in the first place.

For anyone who is interested in working with me. I am launching a 1 on 1 coaching program in 2022 'The Shadow Blueprint’. Where I'll be assisting you in diving and unpacking the root causes of the challenges you are facing around your relationship with yourself. Click the link by signing up to our waitlist to have early access, discounts and bonuses for the program!

Much Love, Merichel

Be Kinder, Less Critical.

Topics: Shadow Aspects, Reparenting, Feeling Multiple Emotions at Once, Blueprints and Programming and the Past.

We can’t deny that we don’t have an Inner Child within us. We all have that part within us, it might just be repressed underneath all the experiences we went through as a child. That doesn’t mean it’s not there, it’s just buried under all the unhealed, unclaimed, neglected, abandoned parts of us that we haven’t faced.

The early stages of our life are our childhood. The first relationships we form are with our parents and family dynamics. Those are the baseline of our foundations not just in regards to relationships but also the way we view ourself, the world and how we move in life. In our early stages of experiencing life, we are dependant and relay on our parents for our livelihood. Nobody in the world had a choose of who our family are and the conditioning that was already set prior to our existence. There is never a ‘perfect’ childhood as nobody is perfect. Parents make mistakes as the majority of the time they are going along the learning process of raising a child. Which is fine and normal. It’s okay to make mistakes and trip up. As children, we didn’t get much choice, although as adults the beauty of it is we have more choices on how we should move forward in our reality.

Some of us might have not had the best childhood and upbringing. We might have experienced the worst and shown how evil the world is at those early stages of our life. Those experiences that might still haunt as till this day. No child in the world had control over the parents or the family they were put in. It’s something no kid chooses and have NO CONTROL OVER. Same goes with the circumstance we experienced growing up, we had no control over those either. We were not ‘little adults’, we were children. We had barely experienced in the world. We didn’t know the full scope of the world we lived in. We were new and were only in the early stages of life.

In the early stages of life that is where we create and form our foundations, blueprints and programming to use in our adulthood. Which is a larger portion of our life, our childhood and adolescence are just a small part of it. Although just because it’s a small part does not mean it doesn’t hold its value. During our childhood like I’ve stated, those years are the creation of the foundation, blueprints and programming. Where in our adolescence years are the time we put those foundations into working. Where we begin to form relationships and a sense of who we are outside of our family dynamics. For the majority of people during those times, we are unconscious of the blueprints and programming we are following. As our adolescence years where we were finding our own bearings and trying out who we were. Our adolescence years are only makeup 7 years of our life. Those stages feel as they would last forever although they don’t.

In the context of healing, we have to acknowledge those parts of ourself. That we didn’t experience the best case during the early stages of life. Which wasn’t our fault nor are we to blame. The circumstances either from our childhood or adolescence years created an impact of how we moved throughout our adulthood. Whatever the circumstances we have experienced that has caused us pain, hurt or trauma it deserves acknowledging. It doesn’t matter what those ingredients are, as everyone in the world deserves to have their pain, hurt and trauma acknowledge and tenderly cared for.

As young children we didn’t have a choice nor can we do much about our past. It’s not about staying there. It’s about learning and creating a different perspective. We have a choice to take in all the negative and bad things we got out of our experiences OR we can reclaim the fragments that we had to abandoned or that were taken from us. Either way, we do have free will for a reason. We get to choose either to stay or evolve.

Having to come to term with the reality of our childhood will bring in grief. We will grieve and mourn the parts of ourself that never had the chance to live. The parts and experiences our Inner Child didn’t experience nor did they had the chance to. - Life can be unfair at times and it sucks, I’m not going to tell anyone who is reading this otherwise. Because it does, it’s heartbreaking and disappointing that we didn’t receive the love, nurturing, care or tending to as a child. That’s why grief and mourning is an important part of healing and reclaiming these fragment of ourself.

When we begin to heal and rip off the rose coloured lenses we’ve cast on our upbringing. We will feel all sort of emotions. Which is normal. Naming and identity what emotions we are feeling is an IMPORTANT process. When we identify, label and put a name on a certain heaviness we are feeling it makes it lighter. It gives that emotion an identification. It’s important to give our emotions identities and naming them. Because when we do this, next time it comes to resurface we are able to recognise it. We won’t feel confused or distress about why we feel the way we do. Once identifying the emotion we can find where it stems from which will lead us to the root cause.

This process isn’t an overnight work to do, it’s a process that is done gradually and at each individuals pace. We can not rush healing or we can push our emotions out. Those two aspects have their own cycles. We can not force to have something resurface from our subconscious because we want it too. It doesn’t work like that.

Personally, for me, I send out an intention to having any unhelpful or toxic pattering, blueprints, programming or foundations I still unconsciously follow to come to the surface. And then letting it go, meaning letting go of how it’ll come to me. I’ve set out the intention and that’s all I can do. - Our access to our subconscious is very limited and quite difficult to get into. It has its own way of processing and dealing with information. It doesn’t operate the way our consciousness does. Most of the time when something comes to surface from our subconscious it comes in the form of triggers. As triggers are just alarm clocks from the emotions within our subconscious. It’s a sign that we need to address and reclaim something from within.

When reclaiming our Inner Child, there is a need to re-parent ourself. We need these aspects of compassion, kindness, empathy and nurturing towards ourself first before we can give it to our parents and others. How are we supposed to provide an emotionally safe space for others when we are not able to do that for ourself? When we neglect to give ourself the emotional needs we require, we will feel some sort of resentment towards anyone who is asking to provide that space for them from us. It’s about pouring and tending to our own cup before trying to fill everyone else’s.

An example of an Inner Child wound: When our Inner Child is abandoned, it creates a Shadow aspect from our wounds. Where will abandon and neglect parts of our own self to be accepted and loved by others. It’s this constant seeking of approval and acceptance from others because that’s is what we needed as a child. So then we create relationship dynamics that will mirror that lack so we can become aware of the patterning. Which will provoke a choice of changing and transmuting the patterning. Another example is the tendency to people please which stems from codependency. Where we have created narratives and beliefs that we have to attach a condition or a hidden agenda to be loved, accepted or valued in society or our relationships. These are just a couple of examples, everyone will have different types of wounds and how they impacted their own lives. Different types of wounds also create Shadow aspects within us. Each individual has different and similar upbringing although it’s never the same. Where it’s not identical by all the details or the way an individual perceives it. - From wounds ties in with types of pattering that we use to operate in our day today. These types of patterning are partly conscious and the unconscious part of it is the root cause of behaviours, actions, and habits.

It’s hard to be aware of our own blueprints and programming when we lack knowledge of how our mind works. Our mind is like a computer system where we have to put in programs and blueprints for it to work. So it can operate smoothly and each programming as its purpose on why it’s in the system. It is similar to our brain it has to have programming and blueprints to follow to be able to maneuver in life. We don’t just choose to do something because ‘it feels right’, there is a subconscious programming we are following. Most of our programming and blueprints are subconscious; we operate a certain way although we are not sure where an action, behaviour or habit is rooted from. - Those blueprints and programming were created in our childhood. When we lack the knowledge of the KEY information of our nature and the way we operate. Which then we become unconscious of all these parts of ourself,

That’s why when reparenting we have to give ourself the compassion, kindness and understanding so we can give it to your parents. - We can feel more than one emotions. We are multidimensional beings meaning we can feel as many emotions as long as we are not overwhelmed or causes distress.

We can feel resentment and anger and also be grateful and appreciate towards our parents. As both of those emotions exist within us.

When are reclaiming we can not ignore one or another. It’s is about embracing ALL aspects of our self, for good or bad. Either way, they both bring healing which creates a different perspective and way of looking not just ourself but also others around us. Which also creates a restructuring on the infrastructures of our blueprints and programming. Which changes our relationship with ourself, others and how we move in life.

Just be patient and be kind to ourself more. It’s not a race, nobody is up for gold metal or trophies. It’s about reclaiming ALL FRAGMENTS OF OURSELF from the mind, body and soul. Each and one of us are on our own journey and path. We are not supposed to compare ourself and our healing to others. It’s not supposed to be like that, we can’t reclaim our entire Divinity if we are looking over and comparing our fragments and journey to others. That creates gaps and illusions within our own path and journey. It’s important to ground in this concept and detach from a competitive mindset especially in regards to our healing and general life.

We are not all supposed to be the same, we all came here to have different and unique experiences. If we were all the same, it would be bland and boring place to be in. Accepting all parts of ourself means the past and present while being open to the possibility of the future. Healing is simply embracing, acknowledging, tending and then reclaiming parts of ourself to fill the void we are experiencing.

Inner Child healing is an important process of our ascension and healing journey. When we embark on this journey we need to reclaim all fragments of ourself throughout our lives, from the beginning to the present. It’s a process and it’s not an overnight accomplishment. It’s about reclaiming OUR WHOLE ENTIRE DIVINITY, which will take time. The Inner Child healing is so empowering and liberating in the sense that we realise that we didn’t have control over our reality during those early stages. Although as adults when we do this type of healing we realise and reclaim the power of control within our reality. We realise that we can choose who we want to be now and that our past doesn’t define us. Nor as does it dictate where we are heading towards. - The past was simply stepping stones to gaining a level of perspective and maturity to embark on our chosen path. I’ve stated it before, Inner Child healing is not about living in the past it’s about claiming the parts we abandoned and detached from due to our circumstances.

The past is the only set reality as it’s already happened, whereas the present moment is in between the unknown and certainty and the future is and will always be the unknown. Our past DOES NOT AND WILL NEVER DEFINE WHO ARE, WHO CAN BE AND WHAT WE CAN ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE.

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

Top Killer For Authenticity