Out With The Limiting Habits & In With The Expansion Of Our Self

The truth about looking within is, it’s not easy; it’s challenging, hard and uncomfortable. When we begin, to have the desire to want to know the deeper meaning to life, our purpose and why the hell we are here? We begin on the path of self-awareness. To answer these questions, we have to look within. We have to observe and reflect what we have going on within and who we are. 

In the early stages, we will come to see that we have wounds, hurt and pain we have yet to acknowledge; those aspects that live within us that affect our day to day lives. In this stage, we are not sure why we hold certain things that have happened to us so closely when they’ve caused us pain. Questioning our self is a step to self-awareness and having to unpack the reasons why we engage with certain behaviours, habits or patterns is stepping towards that direction. 

Although there’s a polarity to this process, it’s when we question our self to the point we doubt our self. Whether it’s our worth, the experiences we had, our emotions and overall knowledge. Those moments when we doubt our self is from a self-limiting belief. Where we might hold a belief that we are not smart enough, worthy enough and just not enough. 

Those beliefs we hold have been embed within us, meaning that they are unconscious. Just like how we walk, talk or eat, those habits are something we do not need to think about, rather they just happen with no effort put into it. That’s similar to how our belief systems work within us. There are times we follow a pattern, belief and narrative about our self without being consciously aware of it at all. 

This is something we realise when we look within, as we question our self we will have things revealed and come to the surface on the blueprint we have created about our self. This isn’t to say that it’s a bad thing it doesn’t re-surface, we just have to follow our own process.

The belief system we have built-in with our blueprint has become a habit for us, that thinking pattern or that narrative we tell our self has been an automatic response. Breaking out of habits that are no longer useful or assisting us, is not always the habits we do in the worldly plane, sometimes they occur within our mind. 

Below I have listed strategies and tools of how to break out of a thinking pattern, belief, or narratives and the inner critic within us. Also how and why our brain focuses on the negative rather than the joyful events. 

These strategies and tools are something nobody can do for us, its something we have to do for our self. The thing with inner work is nobody in the world can do the work for us as we are the biggest excerpt of our self. 

How Our Brain Are Wired:

Our brain priorities survival over happiness or joy and that is why it’s important to choose gratitude and optimism, over the negative things occurring within our life. Our brain does this because it’s a way to keep us safe. It’s build to remember and focus on all the negative things because it then creates a pattern, where if we were faced with those similar experiences that we have categories as negative or bad, it will keep us from going forwards to those experiences.

Example: If we go through a bad breakup and get our heartbroken, we’ll categories that falling in love or getting into a committed relationship is dangerous because of what happened last time. Which then gets us to avoid that type of deeper intimacy/commitment.

Our brain creates neural pathways that strengthen over time depending on how frequency we use that pathway. Example, with thinking patterns, when we are frequency stressed over the little things, that neural pathway will be stronger compared to a pathway that is about letting go. Over time the less we use that pathway that requires us to let go, the function of it declines/gets weaker.

 Example: Our biceps, if we were to just do leg workout and neglect our arms, then obviously the leg muscles will be bigger than our arms. - That’s similar to the neural pathways we’ve created. The more we use them the stronger they are.

So if we are constantly in the state of negative thinking patterns, obviously that part of our brain will be overstimulated and more connected to our nervous styles. Which get us to be more prone to anxiety, stress, depression and lower states of frequency.

One profound thing about our brain is that it can reconnect and create new neural pathways during adulthood, which called neuroplasticity. This term pretty much means that when we create new experiences that have higher vibrational frequencies attached to them such as optimism, joy, happiness, contentment etc. we create new neural pathways. Although we have to continuously create and participate in experiences that give us those high vibrations so that, the neural pathway will get strong and (example) the one with the negative thinking pattern will decline. This is a way of rewiring our brain away from anxiety, depression and lack of self-love.

Insight: It’s important to know that our thinking patterns are done out of habit. We have to be more aware of them so we can interrupt and question them. As we question them we are creating a new experience, which gets us to break out of these patterns. By replacing them with compassionate, self-accepting mantras we are re-wiring our brain to operate from that place.

Breaking Out Of Negative Thinking Patterns:

Unpacking A Thinking Pattern:

• Pick a thinking pattern that is not helping your ascension/expansion of consciousness/self-worth. This can be a belief or narrative you follow and re-plays in your head.
  (Example; black and white thinking - “She looks so good in that dress. I’m so ugly and can’t ever look that way.” Or “They pick it up so easily and I can’t, I’m such a failure.")

• Unpack and dismantle your focused thinking pattern by questioning it:
  - What evidence do I have for this thought to be true?
  - What evidence do I have that it isn’t?
  - Is this accurate?
  - Is it mirroring my reality?
  - Has there been a time where I’ve had this thought and it didn’t come true?
  - Is that belief realistic or an illusion?
  - What would I tell someone who is having these thoughts?
  - What emotions am I feeling when these types of thoughts come up? Am I sad, angry, or anxious or the other spectrum, happy, content, or joyful?

Strategy/Tool:

JOURNALLING-
Begin journal if you haven’t already. Use the questions in the section above to go deeper within you. – One thing I love about journaling is, I can see it clearly and in the 3D, rather than just in my mind; where it can get tangled up. And also journaling is like a way of record keeping. In 6-month time, you can look back at your journal and see for the self the improvement you have achieved internally.

GRATITUDE-
Practice daily gratitude, towards the things that are working and the things we genuinely grateful for. This can be as simple as having all our body parts working and not needing assistance to move around, having a roof over our heads or having a variety of options of food. 

Begin embedding gratitude to your day to day life. 

• When you wake up and before going to bed list 5 things you are grateful for.

• When you’re feeling low mood, shift your energy towards the gratitude by listing things; in your head, out loud or journaling. 

MANTRA/AFFIRMATION- 
Mantra and affirmations can be used when interrupting our thinking pattern at the moment if we don’t have the time to unpack it right there and then.

ACTIVITY:
Creating Your Own Mantra; create a mantra that you can use for the specific thinking pattern/belief/narrative that you’re breaking out of. OR look one up.

F.E.C.K (Forgiveness, Empathy, Compassion and Kindness) - 
This acronym is also a great way to interrupt our thinking pattern and create a new internal dialogue within us. It doesn’t have to be in this sequence, the main key is to give these to our self. Having to be compassionate and kind to our self is not as easy as it sounds for many, although its those baby steps we have to take towards that direction. 

Having to be kind for the day we are not feeling our self or having a low level of mood, or being compassionate for the times we don’t have energy or materials to give out to those around us. It’s having to understand that we are human and we make mistakes and we’re not perfect.

The key is giving our self a huge F.E.C.K - Forgiveness, Empathy, Compassion and Kindness.  

We should also learn to let go and remove the expectation to have attached to our self to be a certain way to receive acceptance, love or recognition. Those expectations create pressure that necessarily do not need to be there and it also causing more harm to our health. 

This concept also goes with letting go of expectations we have attached to people. We have to let go of ALL the things we can not control and that includes people. There is no moment in time we ever had control over people, it’s a form of an illusion. To control people we have to manipulate them and that will always cause more harm and suffering that any good; not just towards the person being manipulated but the manipulator.

A huge part of any inner work is learning what and when you do not have control over something and then be able to let go and shift your focus onto something you can control.  – This again is a habit that takes time to learn and embedded within our way of thinking.

More Insight: Thinking patterns are habits that we have gotten used to overtime. They can be unconscious most of the time and we aren’t even aware of them because they are so embedded within us.

It’s important to grasp that any habit takes time to break out of. It takes work, effort, patience and time. Those three-aspects work, effort and patience are something we can control, and although with time we never did. We don’t receive a stamp date of when a habit will be no longer present. There is just a time that comes where we react differently to a situation, that we would have acted out from that particular thinking pattern although, with the work, effort and patience we have cultivated, it comes effortlessly to react differently.

This requires us to create new experiences not just externally but internally too. As our thinking patterns are within us.

Be patience with our self and don’t compare our process and life in general with others. 

Comparison is a bitch and will create an illusion that will block us from seeing the greatness that lives within you. Trust YOUR OWN process as learning to love your self is not an overnight thing. It’s a process that we are constantly on and will never end; because loving our self meaning we are continuously learning and expanding our self-awareness.

Before we can see our worth and love within us, we have to remove those limiting and lack beliefs, patterns and narratives that are blocking us from seeing the true beauty, power and worthiness that we have within us. That we have always been enough and worthy no matter what versions of our self didn’t believe so.

Be Kinder, Less Critical

NEUROPLASTICITY by: Merichel S.
(Blue = Depression || Purple = Anxiety || Orange/Yellow = Joy/Optimistic)

My Story

I’ve been through heavy and f*cked up situations and I still manage to be here today. I still manage to be kind, full of optimism and life. It wasn’t an easy journey and it wasn’t a walk in the park, it was hard, confronting and uncomfortable as f*ck. 

I’m sharing my story because I want to and my story isn’t about the detail of the abuse, because that is not mine to tell. My story is about how I overcame a trauma that bonded and held me, prisoner, in my own mind for years. 

I am a survivor of sexual abuse. Growing up I was ashamed of what occurred to me. I held on to the belief that it was my fault and that I could have done something to change it or stop it. I grew up with that shame and it manifested itself in many ways and all areas of my life, through platonic and romantic relationships, career, my relationship with myself and my family, academic abilities and the way I moved in life. 

Childhood abuse creates so many distortions and illusions within our self, the world and those around us. It creates filters that are based on shame, hate, judgement and pain. Filters that we go out into the world and use, the same filters we use to cultivate relationships and go after what we want. Although with trauma being the main foundation it’s distorted and usually isn’t what we truly want underneath all of it. -

Trauma healing is not something that we overcome in a certain period of time, it's a gradual process that has its own layers and cycles to it. Each cycle is as important as the next, each of them has lessons, fragments and new experiences we get to taste and reclaim. Trauma healing is reclaiming fragments of our self, as trauma gets us disconnected from our self.  

In my experience in healing it wasn’t necessarily talking about what occurred during the abuse. I spoke about the emotions attached to it, how I felt and how I adapted to my trauma. I spoke about my behaviours, habits, thinking patterns, my belief systems and the narratives I followed about myself and the world around me. -- In order to break out of these patterning and conditioning we have to talk about it and feel it without having to escape them. -- During certain cycle within my healing journey, I was called to quit weed and drugs overall. At the time I wasn’t sure why and I couldn't pinpoint it, although now reflecting back it was because I needed to feel the emotions that were coming to the surface for me. Like I've stated, in order to let it go, we have to feel it and welcome it to our body, especially if we have been repressing them for many years.

Each of our emotions is there to tell us something and give us a sense of awareness. It’s there to guide us. Our emotions are not our enemy, there are there to help us gain self-awareness. 

Trauma healing is not easy and it definitely put me out of my comfort zone. I grew, matured and changed a lot during the process of healing. I mean I’m still healing and growing now although it’s a different level and a new cycle I’m on. It also put me in on a path of spiritual awakening, which I didn’t even know was a thing. 

I’ve learnt that I didn’t have control over my childhood and those around me. I had zero control over people and as a child, I was not to blame. Having a full-grown adult take advantage of someone’s innocents, vulnerability and pure-hearted soul is pure evil. We don’t have to try and comprehend or justify someone’s evilness, we can accept that someone people are just evil and it is what it is. With justifying it or coming with a conclusion does not make it any less wrong, it’s still f*cked up.

From that, I’ve learnt that my story isn’t about being abused, it’s how I’m overcoming it. How I’m still a kind, pure-hearted and optimistic ball of energy, even if I had seen and lived through evil at a young age. I’m taken my power back, found enlightenment and creating a new pave way that isn’t going to mirror my childhood or upbring. 

What occurred during our childhood and upbringing is not for us to continue to carry, we are allowed to put it down and let go of the burden. The burden of shame, guilt and pain. We don’t need to carry them in order to be a strong person. We are strong as we are, having to experience childhood abuse and still be continuing with life is absolutely brave and take a lot sh*t tone of strength to do. 

We’ll all have different ways of processing trauma. It doesn’t make us ‘more broken’ or ‘damaged’ if we went on a different route of processing them. What we did during the times we didn’t know how to deal or had the right tools to deal with our trauma is not who we truly are. Like I’ve stated trauma creates distorted views on our self, where we follow beliefs and narratives that were founded from the traumatic experience. 

When we go on the path of trauma healing it’s pealing all of the illusions, distortion and facade we have created and brought out to the world. For this, we shouldn’t feel guilty about changing or having the desire to know who we truly are, without our trauma and misery being the main piece. 

Underneath all the trauma, pain and hurt are strengths, resilience and courage. It’s all there, it’s just having to peel off all the layers that have blocked us from seeing and stand in our power.


I will continue to tell my story of empowerment and enlightenment to be the example for those who are unsure if trauma healing is for them. I can’t express the gratitude and pride I have for myself for overcoming certain obstacles and seeing the result of the work, effort and patience I have put in. Like I’ve stated it was not a walk in the park, it was a very steep and rocky hike. Although, very worth it because of the view. 

We all have cycles and processes we go through and not all of them have a pleasant view on the side. Some are hard and times we want to give up, although we choose not too, because it’s never been an option to give up. One thing trauma teaches us is resilience. Tap into that inner power of resilience and it’s our golden gem through life. No matter what lemons we get chucked at, we’ll keep going. We might stop to have a good cry or take a break, although we get back up and keep f*cking going. 

No matter what we have gone through in the past don’t let it define our future and who we are and want to become. Our past is a set reality and we can not change it although our future is the complete opposite. It’s the unknown, the uncertainty and a lot of possibilities can happen within that space.

Take a leap of faith in yourself, you might be surprised what you’ll stumble upon on. 

Be Kinder, Less Critical

Addiction

DISCLAIMER***  These epiphanies and realisations are from my own experiences of overcoming addiction. - I am not a professional AOD worker (Alcohol and Other Drugs).
Take what resonates and leave out the ones that don’t.

---

Addiction is such a taboo topic. It's a topic that has many stigmas and prejudices attached to it. It comes from a lack of education and knowledge about the issue. With addiction, it isn't about being on the hardest drugs. It's about having pain and not wanting to feel it or know how to deal with it. 

Addiction isn't something we want to experience. It's not a conscious decision to want to be addicted and depend on a substance. They aren't always drugs either. Sometimes it's the chemical reaction we receive from a person, our thoughts, porn, food, gambling, gaming, social media or sex. 

Addiction comes from the sense of wanting control.

Addiction comes from seeking comfort away from our pain or hurts that is coming to the surface within our present moment. 

There are plenty of layers that are underneath experiencing addiction. 

There are plenty of challenges that someone who is recovering from addiction faces. Many people who suffer from addiction are hurting within. Not having the tools and the knowledge to deal with their hurt so they turn to self-medicating. With self-medicating it's a short term solution that has long term damages. We begin to depend on the substance to make us 'happy' or 'calm'. We begin to use it as an escape and begin to revolve our entire lifestyle to a particular substance or our addiction. We do not see the damage and effect it has on us or the people around us until we step back and detox. 

It's not an easy thing to come to term with this. Many also are not conscious of the pain they still hold that fuels their addiction. 

Addiction is something not to be ashamed about and never shame others for going through it. Shame comes from a lack of understanding. When we shame we become ignorant to the full truth. Somebody doesn't wake the next day and decide they'll be dependent on a substance for their livelihood. It's a gradual process that happens. Just like any mental illness, it builds up till one day we don't recognise our self anymore. 

Healing and recovering from addiction is difficult as it is and extra harder if we don't have the right support around us. When we have people who do not respect our decision to stop using and instead try to tempt us with the habits we are trying to break out of. That is a sign that the environment we are in is toxic and isn't aligned with where we want to go. 

The thing with addiction, the chemical reaction it gives over the brain is an illusion. The substances that are highly addictive 'mimic' the chemical reaction of dopamine. With that, it also hijacks our reward systems. Creating an unnatural fuel of dopamine. Over time the reward system begins to stop working efficiently, which gets us to need to increase the use of the substance. We then begin to depend on it to feel 'happy' or a sense of 'calm'. 

A substance or habit becomes an addiction when we revolve our lives around it. When we need it to have fun or function in our day today. When we depend on it for our sense of happiness and contentment. When we overspend and only focus on fueling that substance or habit we have. When we begin to create any excuse to part take in the habit or substance. Those are many indications that we are experiencing addiction. - Although we can look at all the signs and symptoms that come with it. The main thing that we need to address is the root of it. 

Finding the root cause of why we feel the need to escape and depend on a substance or habit to fuel our happiness and a sense of livelihood is important. That is because when we tackle and unpack the root cause of anything issues we create an ending for the cycle we were on. We can focus on the healing the root causes, rather than just tackling the stems that come off it. - This should be done simultaneously. 

Handling the stems could be creating a barrier that would make the substance or habit hard to access. That could be letting go of people who do not respect our boundaries, cutting ties with the connection we have with that particular addiction and being open to healing. - It's also important that we seek professional help with addiction. That we are not alone on this journey. It's important to know that we don't get 'in trouble' when speaking about addiction to counsellors. The only time we get 'in trouble' is if we are endangering our self or others around us. Counselling is private and confidential, they are not allowed to speak of the sessions unless we permit them. And even then they have to ask before giving it out (unless it's a court order or we are endangering our self or others). 

Healing and recovering our addiction isn't an overnight thing. It's a process and a journey. A journey that will have its ups and downs. A journey that will put us on a path of self-love and acceptance of ourself and our past. 

Addiction is running away from the present moment. We run away from the present moment because we have unspoken things we are carrying from the past. Some of those things are heavy and hard to speak about. Then, there are some things we carry that we are not even aware that we are still carrying till this day. Our psyche is such a complex muscle within our body and it's the main control in our body system. We have very limited access to parts of our psyche. There is a lot of information hiding and being covered because they are in our subconscious and the collective unconsciousness. 

Many of our problems and issues in the present moments stem from something that has happened in our past. Some sort of conditioning and blueprints we have been carrying that affects the way we move and see the world, others and our self. These filters determine the decisions we make in life. - Healing is a huge part of recovering from addiction. We have to tend, acknowledge and embrace the parts of our self that are calling out to see through our addiction. 

It's not an easy concept to come to term with, it's daunting, uncomfortable and hard. Especially having to let it go and face what we have been trying to run away from. 

During the present moment, we will have temptations and desires to go back to old habits. Although with the healing and inner work we do on our self we can cut off those temptations and desires. It's not going to be easy, although it is doable. - Healing our addiction from the root cause creates a long term effect. Our future self will be proud of the actions and sacrifices we did in the present. 

In the present moment, when we are healing our self do not be harsh, judgemental or hateful. Like I have stated people do not wake up one day and decide they will depend on a substance. - Being more open with our struggles such as addiction removes stigmas. It removes the idea that people made a conscious choice to experience addiction. We all have gone through some rough circumstances and experiences that have altered our sense of self. 

The thing is the past is something we can not change. It doesn't matter how much we duel on it or repress it. It's happened and it's a set reality that can not be altered or changed. Nobody in the world can change the past. -

Believe it or not when we begin to accept the past for exactly the way it is; without shame or judgment, we begin to see that certain experiences we have gone through as something valuable. Maybe at the time we didn't see it nor did we even think it was something valuable. Although when we let go of the judgement and shame we have for ourself and the past, we will begin to see the blessing in disguise or the silver linings within them. 

If we think about a certain event or experience that we didn't go through, it would create a butterfly effect. Where our entire life would be different from how it is now and as well as those around us. -

If we are not happy or pleased with where we are in the present, we can change that. Nothing is ever permanent. It's not going to be constant rainbows and sunshine although the changes we embark in, to invest in our future will be worth it. Our future always becomes our present moment one way or another. - We shouldn't be constantly chasing the future or wanting to escape our present moment. We deserve to be able to sit within the present and enjoy it. We all deserve peace, contentment, healing and acceptance from within. Being able to feel contentment and optimism in the present without having to imagine it in the future. Contentment and optimism is something we can achieve within our present moment. 

Healing our self is the best investment we can give our self. We give our self the chance to live in the moment, to not be clouded from our past and to see clearly. - Healing is part of life. We have gone through circumstances and experiences that have chipped away fragments of our self. It is what it is. Some of those circumstances and experiences we had zero control over them. Although the beauty in healing is reclaiming those fragments that were chipped away from us. No matter how deep or fair those fragments are we can still reclaim them. Healing is the bridge for those fragments. We can reach and reclaim them as we heal. - 

It’s much easier said than done about recovering from addiction. Giving our self the forgiveness, empathy, compassion and kindness is an important part of recovery. A reminder that we can’t change the past as much as we want. We just can’t, it’s one of those truths that can be hard to swallow. Although we can learn to let go by healing and recovering the reasons why we feel the need to escape. 

Be kinder to ourself as we are all trying to just get by and figure life as it comes. Most journeys are not something we can achieve overnight. It takes time, effort, work and patience. We are all on a different path and journey and it’s not something we should compare with one another. It’s never been a competition. Focusing on our inner world is not selfish or self-centred. WE all have a desire to be understood, so why not learn to understand ourself?  

Image from @sobrietycards

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

INNER WORK

Inner work is about healing, mending, unpacking, embracing and letting go. Many things come with inner work. Inner work takes honesty, accountability, empathy, compassion, embracing and learning or unlearning. 

Inner work is not glamorous. This is a stage where we unpack certain beliefs, narrative and past trauma or experiences that still holds so much weight with us in the present. - Are we really living in the present if we are still holding the weight from the past? 

When we are healing we are doing the inner work. There is no healing without the inner work. They both come hand in hand. 

There is this misconception that when we decide to heal our self that we are somehow ‘broken’ or that something isn’t ‘right’ with us. When in reality we are not broken it’s just, we have gone through certain circumstances that have broken our spirit, a secure self and repressed fragments of our true authentic self. The narrative that we are ‘broken’ or a ‘lost cause’ is some of the type of self-limiting beliefs and narrative we tell our self, which is from a lack of love for one self. -

Healing requires us to unpack and dig through our self from an honest and understanding perspective. When we go towards healing with judgments, shame or hatred that is not going to work out, it will only create more need to heal. When we tacking and unpack the fragments that require healing we need to move forward with empathy, compassion and understanding. As those are some of the tools we need to embrace and give the parts of our self that have been judged, shamed or in pain. 

The reason why many of us have ‘broken’ fragments is because of hatred, judgement and shame in the first place. So why and how would more shame, judgment and hatred be healing? 

Healing and inner work is not a competition. Nobody gets a gold medal or is there a finish line. Healing and inner work is a constant job we do throughout our life. We just begin to alter the word of healing and inner work. We get to a point in the process that we see that healing and inner work become learning and setting the example. That we go through experiences in each of our cycles and process which gets us to unlearn or learn some more as our consciousness and soul evolves. - There is no ending to healing or inner work. It is something we do throughout our life if we have a desire to grow and evolve. -

In a simpler definition of healing and inner work, it’s to evolve and expands our consciousness and soul. There are layers that come with healing and inner work. Sometimes we have to unpack a certain layer before we can go deeper. An example; we’d have to dive into our consciousness before trying to see what’s lurking around our subconscious. Because our psyche is in layers, we can not expect to get information from our subconscious if we do not even what is going on within the conscious part of our psyche. - That is why healing and inner work comes in layers and has their processes and cycles. 

Inner work is something we can not do for others. We can not process others emotions, traumas, circumstances or do the healing and feeling for them. That is not how it works. Inner work and healing is an individual job that requires someone who consciously decides to heal. There are process and cycles we go through with our own healing and inner work. It will not look the same for everyone and it shouldn’t. As we are all have had unique and different experiences here on Earth. It’s not about comparing or sizing up one another’s personal growth or evolution. It’s called personal for a reason. - 

Nobody is a better and more reliable source than our self. It doesn’t matter how long person X, Y or Z have known us. The version or image they have created about us are not our responsibilities. We can not control others perceptions or emotions that is something we will never have control over. It shouldn’t change the fact that we will continue to heal, grow and evolve even though others have outdated versions of us in their minds. That is not our responsibility or our job to fix. Those perceptions of us are their business and reflect their own evolution and growth. - That is something we can not control.

When we begin to get fixated with controlling others or anything that is out of control we will begin to feel anxious and out of balance within our self. Even trying to control how others should view us, is a waste of time and energy.

This type of behaviour is a way we give our power and energy away. When we grasp the concept that we shouldn’t focus too heavily on things we can not control and with that, we can begin to learn to let go. Letting go is an important skill to have throughout our life. If we do not learn how to let go, will go on and continue to hold on to things or people that no longer serve us or is no longer as important as they use to be. Causing more pain and hurt for our self.  - 

The idea of letting go frightens people and there could be many various reasons. For me personally, it’s the idea that something has ended. Although what I’ve learnt is that every ending have a new beginning. That’s how the Universe works. Sometimes we have to put something to bed in order to begin something new within or our external world. 

Many people like to hold on to the illusion that they can control everything and everyone if they ‘behaviour’ or ‘act’ a certain way. Although we learn throughout life that is not how it works. That we have very little control of many things outside of our self and that includes people. When we begin to try and control everything and everyone we lost our self in the process. As we have to live out a persona and a facade to keep a certain illusion up afloat for others to be ‘controlled’. This is a manipulation tactic, we do not really control others we are just simple manipulating them. But then again because we are manipulating our self to be a certain way to ‘control’ others perception about us or a circumstance etc. We are not playing others, we are playing our self. -

With inner work, we can unpack these types of actions and behaviours by digging into the root cause of it. We can not just look at the stems that come with our conditioned behaviours. We have to find where it began, so then we can ‘pull it out’ so there are no more stems that come out of it. -
There is no easy way around or out of inner work, it is something we can choose to do for our self. We can get others to do it for us although that will not have a large or longer-term impact and it’s selfish. - When we expect others to do our inner work for us when we can not even do it for our self, that is selfish. Especially if we haven’t even given it a shot or a try. - We do have free will for a reason. We can choose to go within or continue to seek outside of our self. 

We have to make a conscious decision about doing our inner work. There is no quick fix to do inner work. There is no substance or a person in the world that can create a divinity of an impact within us but our self.

Facing our pain, hurt or traumas that hold such a huge impact on us (whether we are aware of it or not) is daunting and in a sense frightening. When we go through life holding on to our pain, hurt and trauma which has created our ‘personality’ and a way to relate to others, it’s hard to let go because it means we have to find our self outside of those ‘personalities’ and personas. - Hopping on the train of inner work isn’t just unpacking and digging through our past and experiences. It also has a new beginning that comes with it. Which is the new beginning of a new ideology of our self. Finding who we really are underneath all the pain, hurt and traumas we have endured throughout our life. It’s the new beginning of authenticity and fulfilment, which we all deserve. Healing and inner work is the beginning of authenticity and fulfilment. 

By doing the inner work and healing ourself we go through the process and the cycles that the past is the past. That no matter how much we fixate and retell stories about it, it’s over. When we give so much of our power and energy to a reality that is no longer even in the present or near our future it blocks our own blessings and manifestations. - In the process of our healing we have our set timelines and no one is going to have the same. A reminder that we all run on different schedules with Divine timing. Each and one of us will have a different process and cycle of healing. DO NOT compare our process and cycles to others as that is not how it works. - 

It’s called inner work for a reason. 

The tools we do all use in our own process and cycles are honesty, accountability, empathy, compassion, embracing and learning or unlearning. Those tools are how we are going to find unconditional love within our self that has been repressed. Either way, those tools are the key and light when going within. Never forget to bring those tools and light with us when going deeper within our self. And each time we dig deeper we will find new tools that will help ascend and evolve our consciousness and soul. There is no finish line between healing and inner work. Although every ending ALWAYS has a new beginning. -

From someone who has gone through a large amount of healing and inner work, I say all this with love. I do. - These are the wisdom and knowledge I have found within me that’s very collective. I know how hard and confusing it is in the early stages of healing. It’s draining and almost feel as it’s a waste of time. Although the efforts and work we put into our healing and our self are extremely rewarding. It’s something no one can give to us or take away from us. When we begin to see our worth and find unconditional love for our self, that is the most precious gift and investment we can give our self. 

I never thought I’d love or accept myself the way I do now. Healing and inner work are not rainbows and sunshine at all times. It is daunting, uncomfortable and scary. I say this not to frighten people but because I do not want to give false expectation to others who do decide to heal. I do not want to create illusions within people that healing isn’t supposed to be scary or uncomfortable, because of it. The biggest growth and epiphanies we have is from the things that scare us the most. No growth or evolution ever happened within comfort zones. There was always a level of discomfort. Trust and become aware of our own process and cycles, as we all have one. Be open to feeling discomfort while healing and ascending because that’s where the real magic is.

Sometimes the new beginning we ask for is within our self first. It’s like that saying ‘as within, so without’. 

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

Created by: Merichel Sanchez

Inner Child Healing

Topics: Shadow Aspects, Reparenting, Feeling Multiple Emotions at Once, Blueprints and Programming and the Past. 

---

 We can’t deny that we don’t have an Inner Child within us. We all have that part within us, it might just be repressed underneath all the experiences we went through as a child. That doesn’t mean it’s not there, it’s just buried under all the unhealed, unclaimed, neglected, abandoned parts of us that we haven’t faced.

The early stages of our life are our childhood. The first relationships we form are with our parents and family dynamics. Those are the baseline of our foundations not just in regards to relationships but also the way we view ourself, the world and how we move in life. In our early stages of experiencing life, we are dependant and relay on our parents for our livelihood. Nobody in the world had a choose of who our family are and the conditioning that was already set prior to our existence. There is never a ‘perfect’ childhood as nobody is perfect. Parents make mistakes as the majority of the time they are going along the learning process of raising a child. Which is fine and normal. It’s okay to make mistakes and trip up. As children, we didn’t get much choice, although as adults the beauty of it is we have more choices on how we should move forward in our reality. 

Some of us might have not had the best childhood and upbringing. We might have experienced the worst and shown how evil the world is at those early stages of our life. Those experiences that might still haunt as till this day. No child in the world had control over the parents or the family they were put in. It’s something no kid chooses and have NO CONTROL OVER. Same goes with the circumstance we experienced growing up, we had no control over those either. We were not ‘little adults’, we were children. We had barely experienced in the world. We didn’t know the full scope of the world we lived in. We were new and were only in the early stages of life.

In the early stages of life that is where we create and form our foundations, blueprints and programming to use in our adulthood. Which is a larger portion of our life, our childhood and adolescence are just a small part of it. Although just because it’s a small part does not mean it doesn’t hold its value. During our childhood like I’ve stated, those years are the creation of the foundation, blueprints and programming. Where in our adolescence years are the time we put those foundations into working. Where we begin to form relationships and a sense of who we are outside of our family dynamics. For the majority of people during those times, we are unconscious of the blueprints and programming we are following. As our adolescence years where we were finding our own bearings and trying out who we were. Our adolescence years are only makeup 7 years of our life. Those stages feel as they would last forever although they don’t. 

In the context of healing, we have to acknowledge those parts of ourself. That we didn’t experience the best case during the early stages of life. Which wasn’t our fault nor are we to blame. The circumstances either from our childhood or adolescence years created an impact of how we moved throughout our adulthood. Whatever the circumstances we have experienced that has caused us pain, hurt or trauma it deserves acknowledging. It doesn’t matter what those ingredients are, as everyone in the world deserves to have their pain, hurt and trauma acknowledge and tenderly cared for.  

As young children we didn’t have a choice nor can we do much about our past. It’s not about staying there. It’s about learning and creating a different perspective. We have a choice to take in all the negative and bad things we got out of our experiences OR we can reclaim the fragments that we had to abandoned or that were taken from us. Either way, we do have free will for a reason. We get to choose either to stay or evolve. 

 Having to come to term with the reality of our childhood will bring in grief. We will grieve and mourn the parts of ourself that never had the chance to live. The parts and experiences our Inner Child didn’t experience nor did they had the chance to. - Life can be unfair at times and it sucks, I’m not going to tell anyone who is reading this otherwise. Because it does, it’s heartbreaking and disappointing that we didn’t receive the love, nurturing, care or tending to as a child. That’s why grief and mourning is an important part of healing and reclaiming these fragment of ourself.

When we begin to heal and rip off the rose coloured lenses we’ve cast on our upbringing. We will feel all sort of emotions. Which is normal. Naming and identity what emotions we are feeling is an IMPORTANT process. When we identify, label and put a name on a certain heaviness we are feeling it makes it lighter. It gives that emotion an identification. It’s important to give our emotions identities and naming them. Because when we do this, next time it comes to resurface we are able to recognise it. We won’t feel confused or distress about why we feel the way we do. Once identifying the emotion we can find where it stems from which will lead us to the root cause. 

 This process isn’t an overnight work to do, it’s a process that is done gradually and at each individuals pace. We can not rush healing or we can push our emotions out. Those two aspects have their own cycles. We can not force to have something resurface from our subconscious because we want it too. It doesn’t work like that.

Personally, for me, I send out an intention to having any unhelpful or toxic pattering, blueprints, programming or foundations I still unconsciously follow to come to the surface. And then letting it go, meaning letting go of how it’ll come to me. I’ve set out the intention and that’s all I can do. -  Our access to our subconscious is very limited and quite difficult to get into. It has its own way of processing and dealing with information. It doesn’t operate the way our consciousness does. Most of the time when something comes to surface from our subconscious it comes in the form of triggers. As triggers are just alarm clocks from the emotions within our subconscious. It’s a sign that we need to address and reclaim something from within. 

When reclaiming our Inner Child, there is a need to re-parent ourself. We need these aspects of compassion, kindness, empathy and nurturing towards ourself first before we can give it to our parents and others. How are we supposed to provide an emotionally safe space for others when we are not able to do that for ourself? When we neglect to give ourself the emotional needs we require, we will feel some sort of resentment towards anyone who is asking to provide that space for them from us. It’s about pouring and tending to our own cup before trying to fill everyone else’s. 

An example of an Inner Child wound: When our Inner Child is abandoned, it creates a Shadow aspect from our wounds. Where will abandon and neglect parts of our own self to be accepted and loved by others. It’s this constant seeking of approval and acceptance from others because that’s is what we needed as a child. So then we create relationship dynamics that will mirror that lack so we can become aware of the patterning. Which will provoke a choice of changing and transmuting the patterning. Another example is the tendency to people please which stems from codependency. Where we have created narratives and beliefs that we have to attach a condition or a hidden agenda to be loved, accepted or valued in society or our relationships. These are just a couple of examples, everyone will have different types of wounds and how they impacted their own lives. Different types of wounds also create Shadow aspects within us. Each individual has different and similar upbringing although it’s never the same. Where it’s not identical by all the details or the way an individual perceives it. - From wounds ties in with types of pattering that we use to operate in our day today. These types of patterning are partly conscious and the unconscious part of it is the root cause of behaviours, actions, and habits. 

It’s hard to be aware of our own blueprints and programming when we lack knowledge of how our mind works. Our mind is like a computer system where we have to put in programs and blueprints for it to work. So it can operate smoothly and each programming as its purpose on why it’s in the system. It is similar to our brain it has to have programming and blueprints to follow to be able to maneuver in life. We don’t just choose to do something because ‘it feels right’,  there is a subconscious programming we are following. Most of our programming and blueprints are subconscious; we operate a certain way although we are not sure where an action, behaviour or habit is rooted from. - Those blueprints and programming were created in our childhood. When we lack the knowledge of the KEY information of our nature and the way we operate. Which then we become unconscious of all these parts of ourself,

 That’s why when reparenting we have to give ourself the compassion, kindness and understanding so we can give it to your parents. - We can feel more than one emotions. We are multidimensional beings meaning we can feel as many emotions as long as we are not overwhelmed or causes distress. 

We can feel resentment and anger and also be grateful and appreciate towards our parents. As both of those emotions exist within us.

When are reclaiming we can not ignore one or another. It’s is about embracing ALL aspects of our self, for good or bad. Either way, they both bring healing which creates a different perspective and way of looking not just ourself but also others around us. Which also creates a restructuring on the infrastructures of our blueprints and programming. Which changes our relationship with ourself, others and how we move in life. 

Just be patient and be kind to ourself more. It’s not a race, nobody is up for gold metal or trophies. It’s about reclaiming ALL FRAGMENTS OF OURSELF from the mind, body and soul. Each and one of us are on our own journey and path. We are not supposed to compare ourself and our healing to others. It’s not supposed to be like that, we can’t reclaim our entire Divinity if we are looking over and comparing our fragments and journey to others. That creates gaps and illusions within our own path and journey. It’s important to ground in this concept and detach from a competitive mindset especially in regards to our healing and general life. 

We are not all supposed to be the same, we all came here to have different and unique experiences. If we were all the same, it would be bland and boring place to be in. Accepting all parts of ourself means the past and present while being open to the possibility of the future. Healing is simply embracing, acknowledging, tending and then reclaiming parts of ourself to fill the void we are experiencing.

Inner Child healing is an important process of our ascension and healing journey. When we embark on this journey we need to reclaim all fragments of ourself throughout our lives, from the beginning to the present. It’s a process and it’s not an overnight accomplishment. It’s about reclaiming OUR WHOLE ENTIRE DIVINITY, which will take time. The Inner Child healing is so empowering and liberating in the sense that we realise that we didn’t have control over our reality during those early stages. Although as adults when we do this type of healing we realise and reclaim the power of control within our reality. We realise that we can choose who we want to be now and that our past doesn’t define us. Nor as does it dictate where we are heading towards. - The past was simply stepping stones to gaining a level of perspective and maturity to embark on our chosen path. I’ve stated it before, Inner Child healing is not about living in the past it’s about claiming the parts we abandoned and detached from due to our circumstances. 

The past is the only set reality as it’s already happened, whereas the present moment is in between the unknown and certainty and the future is and will always be the unknown. Our past DOES NOT AND WILL NEVER DEFINE WHO ARE, WHO CAN BE AND WHAT WE CAN ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE. 

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL