INNER WORK

Inner work is about healing, mending, unpacking, embracing and letting go. Many things come with inner work. Inner work takes honesty, accountability, empathy, compassion, embracing and learning or unlearning. 

Inner work is not glamorous. This is a stage where we unpack certain beliefs, narrative and past trauma or experiences that still holds so much weight with us in the present. - Are we really living in the present if we are still holding the weight from the past? 

When we are healing we are doing the inner work. There is no healing without the inner work. They both come hand in hand. 

There is this misconception that when we decide to heal our self that we are somehow ‘broken’ or that something isn’t ‘right’ with us. When in reality we are not broken it’s just, we have gone through certain circumstances that have broken our spirit, a secure self and repressed fragments of our true authentic self. The narrative that we are ‘broken’ or a ‘lost cause’ is some of the type of self-limiting beliefs and narrative we tell our self, which is from a lack of love for one self. -

Healing requires us to unpack and dig through our self from an honest and understanding perspective. When we go towards healing with judgments, shame or hatred that is not going to work out, it will only create more need to heal. When we tacking and unpack the fragments that require healing we need to move forward with empathy, compassion and understanding. As those are some of the tools we need to embrace and give the parts of our self that have been judged, shamed or in pain. 

The reason why many of us have ‘broken’ fragments is because of hatred, judgement and shame in the first place. So why and how would more shame, judgment and hatred be healing? 

Healing and inner work is not a competition. Nobody gets a gold medal or is there a finish line. Healing and inner work is a constant job we do throughout our life. We just begin to alter the word of healing and inner work. We get to a point in the process that we see that healing and inner work become learning and setting the example. That we go through experiences in each of our cycles and process which gets us to unlearn or learn some more as our consciousness and soul evolves. - There is no ending to healing or inner work. It is something we do throughout our life if we have a desire to grow and evolve. -

In a simpler definition of healing and inner work, it’s to evolve and expands our consciousness and soul. There are layers that come with healing and inner work. Sometimes we have to unpack a certain layer before we can go deeper. An example; we’d have to dive into our consciousness before trying to see what’s lurking around our subconscious. Because our psyche is in layers, we can not expect to get information from our subconscious if we do not even what is going on within the conscious part of our psyche. - That is why healing and inner work comes in layers and has their processes and cycles. 

Inner work is something we can not do for others. We can not process others emotions, traumas, circumstances or do the healing and feeling for them. That is not how it works. Inner work and healing is an individual job that requires someone who consciously decides to heal. There are process and cycles we go through with our own healing and inner work. It will not look the same for everyone and it shouldn’t. As we are all have had unique and different experiences here on Earth. It’s not about comparing or sizing up one another’s personal growth or evolution. It’s called personal for a reason. - 

Nobody is a better and more reliable source than our self. It doesn’t matter how long person X, Y or Z have known us. The version or image they have created about us are not our responsibilities. We can not control others perceptions or emotions that is something we will never have control over. It shouldn’t change the fact that we will continue to heal, grow and evolve even though others have outdated versions of us in their minds. That is not our responsibility or our job to fix. Those perceptions of us are their business and reflect their own evolution and growth. - That is something we can not control.

When we begin to get fixated with controlling others or anything that is out of control we will begin to feel anxious and out of balance within our self. Even trying to control how others should view us, is a waste of time and energy.

This type of behaviour is a way we give our power and energy away. When we grasp the concept that we shouldn’t focus too heavily on things we can not control and with that, we can begin to learn to let go. Letting go is an important skill to have throughout our life. If we do not learn how to let go, will go on and continue to hold on to things or people that no longer serve us or is no longer as important as they use to be. Causing more pain and hurt for our self.  - 

The idea of letting go frightens people and there could be many various reasons. For me personally, it’s the idea that something has ended. Although what I’ve learnt is that every ending have a new beginning. That’s how the Universe works. Sometimes we have to put something to bed in order to begin something new within or our external world. 

Many people like to hold on to the illusion that they can control everything and everyone if they ‘behaviour’ or ‘act’ a certain way. Although we learn throughout life that is not how it works. That we have very little control of many things outside of our self and that includes people. When we begin to try and control everything and everyone we lost our self in the process. As we have to live out a persona and a facade to keep a certain illusion up afloat for others to be ‘controlled’. This is a manipulation tactic, we do not really control others we are just simple manipulating them. But then again because we are manipulating our self to be a certain way to ‘control’ others perception about us or a circumstance etc. We are not playing others, we are playing our self. -

With inner work, we can unpack these types of actions and behaviours by digging into the root cause of it. We can not just look at the stems that come with our conditioned behaviours. We have to find where it began, so then we can ‘pull it out’ so there are no more stems that come out of it. -
There is no easy way around or out of inner work, it is something we can choose to do for our self. We can get others to do it for us although that will not have a large or longer-term impact and it’s selfish. - When we expect others to do our inner work for us when we can not even do it for our self, that is selfish. Especially if we haven’t even given it a shot or a try. - We do have free will for a reason. We can choose to go within or continue to seek outside of our self. 

We have to make a conscious decision about doing our inner work. There is no quick fix to do inner work. There is no substance or a person in the world that can create a divinity of an impact within us but our self.

Facing our pain, hurt or traumas that hold such a huge impact on us (whether we are aware of it or not) is daunting and in a sense frightening. When we go through life holding on to our pain, hurt and trauma which has created our ‘personality’ and a way to relate to others, it’s hard to let go because it means we have to find our self outside of those ‘personalities’ and personas. - Hopping on the train of inner work isn’t just unpacking and digging through our past and experiences. It also has a new beginning that comes with it. Which is the new beginning of a new ideology of our self. Finding who we really are underneath all the pain, hurt and traumas we have endured throughout our life. It’s the new beginning of authenticity and fulfilment, which we all deserve. Healing and inner work is the beginning of authenticity and fulfilment. 

By doing the inner work and healing ourself we go through the process and the cycles that the past is the past. That no matter how much we fixate and retell stories about it, it’s over. When we give so much of our power and energy to a reality that is no longer even in the present or near our future it blocks our own blessings and manifestations. - In the process of our healing we have our set timelines and no one is going to have the same. A reminder that we all run on different schedules with Divine timing. Each and one of us will have a different process and cycle of healing. DO NOT compare our process and cycles to others as that is not how it works. - 

It’s called inner work for a reason. 

The tools we do all use in our own process and cycles are honesty, accountability, empathy, compassion, embracing and learning or unlearning. Those tools are how we are going to find unconditional love within our self that has been repressed. Either way, those tools are the key and light when going within. Never forget to bring those tools and light with us when going deeper within our self. And each time we dig deeper we will find new tools that will help ascend and evolve our consciousness and soul. There is no finish line between healing and inner work. Although every ending ALWAYS has a new beginning. -

From someone who has gone through a large amount of healing and inner work, I say all this with love. I do. - These are the wisdom and knowledge I have found within me that’s very collective. I know how hard and confusing it is in the early stages of healing. It’s draining and almost feel as it’s a waste of time. Although the efforts and work we put into our healing and our self are extremely rewarding. It’s something no one can give to us or take away from us. When we begin to see our worth and find unconditional love for our self, that is the most precious gift and investment we can give our self. 

I never thought I’d love or accept myself the way I do now. Healing and inner work are not rainbows and sunshine at all times. It is daunting, uncomfortable and scary. I say this not to frighten people but because I do not want to give false expectation to others who do decide to heal. I do not want to create illusions within people that healing isn’t supposed to be scary or uncomfortable, because of it. The biggest growth and epiphanies we have is from the things that scare us the most. No growth or evolution ever happened within comfort zones. There was always a level of discomfort. Trust and become aware of our own process and cycles, as we all have one. Be open to feeling discomfort while healing and ascending because that’s where the real magic is.

Sometimes the new beginning we ask for is within our self first. It’s like that saying ‘as within, so without’. 

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

Created by: Merichel Sanchez

Learning to Trust Ourself

‘Mending the heart’

Trust is an important part of any type of relationship. Without trust, it’s a weak and unstable foundation. Not only do we have to trust others, but we also have to trust ourselves. Having a weak and unstable foundation of trust within ourselves create a refection of those same foundations to our external world. Where we will abandon ourselves to be accepted, validated or loved. We get to a point in life where those facades, masks and persona’s we’ve created to receive a need will not cut it. Meaning that the feeling of emptiness and loneliness we were trying to run away from begins to creep back in or having to experience the worst type of loneliness; feeling alone in a room full of your loved ones.

Having abandoned ourselves for many years, it takes time to learn to trust ourselves. With learning, there are process and cycles we go through. Life isn’t straight forward and we get thrown lemons along this journey. Which can be perceived as a ‘bad thing’ although when we change our perception and see those ‘bad things’ are an opportunity to grow, evolve and a cycle to overcome the challenges that will better equip us to the next cycle of our life. Life has always had lemons, challenges or hurdles (whatever label resonates with you) the best way to equip ourselves is by learning to trust ourselves and the process we are on. The deeper we know and trust ourselves the less fear can talk us out or into things that are not in alignment with our path and soul. Embrace every moment we have, as we know that nothing is ever permanent and that everything and everyone is temporary. - Same goes with our current situations. 

TOOLS OF TRUSTING ourselves

• Accountability

• Compassion

• Validation

• Honesty

• Empathy

• Self Care

• Intuition

• Acceptance
  

When we begin to learn to trust ourselves it’s about holding ourselves accountable for the promises we made with ourselves. It could be as small as going to bed at a certain time or doing an activity to help us get started for tomorrow. Whatever it might be when we make a promise to ourselves and not follow through with it we are teaching ourselves that we can not be trusted. This is a process that comes hand in hand with actions. We need to match the words and promises we make with actions that mirror those. 

When we don’t match the action, it's not an opportunity to bully ourselves or talk down on ourselves. When we don’t follow through it just means there is learning to do with trusting ourselves it's not about failing or not being good enough. Learning to trust ourselves after years of self-betrayal is a process. It's a habit we have to get used to. 

Habits take time to learn and get used to grounding them in our day to day lives. It’s not about pushing ourselves to the point of burnout or shaming. It’s about understanding that the concept that habits take time, practise, effort and patience to mastering. Don’t diminish or brush off the efforts we have put on ourselves because we might not see the results, just yet. Like those efforts, build up to the point that hopping back on the saddle of a habit is going to be much easier to how it used to be. That is why time and patience are needed. Acknowledging this concept so we can let go of timing and surrendering to the fact we can only control our own actions and our entire being. 

Trusting ourselves comes with keeping the promises we've made to ourselves. Where we have overcome a certain obstacle and being able to maintain that promise we've made, long after overcoming it. When we make a conscious decision with the knowledge that isn't in alignment or going to do any good, it is self-betrayal. That is when we abandon a part of ourselves to feel a certain way or go back to a certain habit. When we do this it is showing ourselves that we can not be trusted. A part of learning to trust ourselves is being able to say no and stick to our words. It’s backing up those words with the way we move and take action in our lives. Sometimes words are not enough to prove ourself that we are trusted. 

Trust comes on many levels and it's a spectrum. Different levels come with trusting ourselves and others too. It's not a one way round. In the context of trusting others, it has to be a give and take. With trust comes loyalty and transparency. When we move from a place of dishonesty and a lack of loyalty it is a reflection of how we treat ourselves in those aspects. That is why learning to trust ourselves and being honest is important. How can we trust and be honest with others when we are lying to ourselves? With learning to trust ourselves comes with validating as well. When we take actions to build trust with ourselves, we have to also learn to validate ourselves. The funny thing is that many of us usually go to others to validate something we already want to do or know. Although, there are times if others do not agree with our inner knowing we tend to abandon it. - Unlearning this conditioning that we need others to validate our intuition and inner knowing, is important. It’s not about abandoning people closes to us, it’s about not letting others sway us in making decisions when our intuition tells us otherwise. 

Learning to trust ourselves comes hand in hand with healing, self-love and care. 

In the past, we have experienced betrayal and disappointment because we might have not listened to our intuitions or we are not sure what our intuition feels like. When this is the case it’s required to do Inner Child healing. As children, they have amazing intuition and are very in tune with theirs. If there are people around them who gaslight them or constantly project a lack of self-love for a long period of time (especially during childhood) those types of programming is what they will go out into the world. Where they were taught to abandon their intuition because they were being ‘too sensitive’, ‘crazy’ or made to believe that they were worthless. As they age and time progresses these programming will be so deep within their subconscious that they believe that is who they are. Which is far from reality. 

A part of trusting ourselves is being able to heal and reconstruct our own programming. With healing, it gets us to unpack those programmings and find the deep-rooted cause of them. Healing isn’t bypassing the cause by ‘forgiving and forgetting. Healing is acknowledging, embrace and tending to whatever we come across during the process of unpacking, for good or for bad. It’s being able to learn to accept the past although there is a process to acceptance. We have to feel it before we can accept it. When feeling the knowledge we have come across there are going to be epiphanies and realisation. Which then gives us the ‘missing puzzle’ or a push to head towards acceptance. 

Everyone's has gone through a certain circumstance that has cause heaviness that they still carry to this day. Whether they are consciously or unconsciously aware of them, it does not change the fact we still carry them. When we embark on healing and learning to trust ourselves, we get to see this concept. 

A reminder that everyone goes through similar experiences that will not hold the same outcome as someone else's. It might have the same outline of that experience, although it is never the same. With this concept, we have to come to terms that we can’t compare ourselves with others past, present or future. With this concept, we can stop comparing our lives, healing and learning journey with others. 

Each heaviness has different ways of healing. That is why nobody should compare their healing or experiences with others. - It is not a competition. It's never been a competition. Life, healing and our experiences are not something we receive gold metals on. There are no rankings at the end of our lives. It's just us and all fragments of ourselves. That is why we have to accept ourselves as a WHOLE. 

The truth is that; the only person we can never get rid of is ourselves. We can disconnect from ourselves. We were given a free will to chose, although disconnecting and escaping from ourselves only leads to fulfillments that do not last long. Fulfilments that are surface-level leaving our soul and Higher Self deprive and hungry.

Learning to trust ourselves comes with regaining the trust of our intuition and inner knowing. This is where healing comes in. There were moments in time where we did trust ourselves and intuition although due to outside circumstances that were not in our control. It got us in sticky situations and ‘hard times’. - As wild as this might sound, our Higher Self communicates through our intuition which gets us to move a certain way. Putting us through a circumstance that gets us to learn a valuable lesson. We then gain a new level of perspective and see that we go through certain experiences and circumstances to obtain a higher level of consciousness. Which comes with maturing emotionally and mentally. - Without those experiences and circumstances, we wouldn’t of gain those new perspectives. Sometimes we have to go through certain things so our mindset can be stretch to a point that we didn’t know was possible. When we go through certain things like this, giving ourselves compassion, understanding, kindness and empathy. - A reminder that we move from of a place of the knowledge and level of consciousness we are at those moments. 

Letting go of our intuition is when we abandoned our Higher Self. Our intuition is our Higher Self and that is how that part of ourselves communicates to us. The part of us knows things without having an explanation and it’s that feeling no one can explain although, just know it. That is our intuition; our Higher Self. This is a part of our being. Learning to trust ourselves is coming into union with our Higher Self. It’s learning to trust our inner knowing and intuition. It’s having to step out of the norms and creating our own path. Trusting that it will work out. That sometimes we just aren't meant to know where our present actions will lead us. Just hold on to the knowledge that we are learning and letting our Higher Self live out. 

Life is messy, we are messy and accepting that being human is messy. That nothing is perfect and that there is always an opportunity to grow, learn, evolve and change. It's just having to spot them and grab them for ourselves. And choosing to embark on toward those opportunities.  

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

Inner Child Healing

Topics: Shadow Aspects, Reparenting, Feeling Multiple Emotions at Once, Blueprints and Programming and the Past. 

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 We can’t deny that we don’t have an Inner Child within us. We all have that part within us, it might just be repressed underneath all the experiences we went through as a child. That doesn’t mean it’s not there, it’s just buried under all the unhealed, unclaimed, neglected, abandoned parts of us that we haven’t faced.

The early stages of our life are our childhood. The first relationships we form are with our parents and family dynamics. Those are the baseline of our foundations not just in regards to relationships but also the way we view ourself, the world and how we move in life. In our early stages of experiencing life, we are dependant and relay on our parents for our livelihood. Nobody in the world had a choose of who our family are and the conditioning that was already set prior to our existence. There is never a ‘perfect’ childhood as nobody is perfect. Parents make mistakes as the majority of the time they are going along the learning process of raising a child. Which is fine and normal. It’s okay to make mistakes and trip up. As children, we didn’t get much choice, although as adults the beauty of it is we have more choices on how we should move forward in our reality. 

Some of us might have not had the best childhood and upbringing. We might have experienced the worst and shown how evil the world is at those early stages of our life. Those experiences that might still haunt as till this day. No child in the world had control over the parents or the family they were put in. It’s something no kid chooses and have NO CONTROL OVER. Same goes with the circumstance we experienced growing up, we had no control over those either. We were not ‘little adults’, we were children. We had barely experienced in the world. We didn’t know the full scope of the world we lived in. We were new and were only in the early stages of life.

In the early stages of life that is where we create and form our foundations, blueprints and programming to use in our adulthood. Which is a larger portion of our life, our childhood and adolescence are just a small part of it. Although just because it’s a small part does not mean it doesn’t hold its value. During our childhood like I’ve stated, those years are the creation of the foundation, blueprints and programming. Where in our adolescence years are the time we put those foundations into working. Where we begin to form relationships and a sense of who we are outside of our family dynamics. For the majority of people during those times, we are unconscious of the blueprints and programming we are following. As our adolescence years where we were finding our own bearings and trying out who we were. Our adolescence years are only makeup 7 years of our life. Those stages feel as they would last forever although they don’t. 

In the context of healing, we have to acknowledge those parts of ourself. That we didn’t experience the best case during the early stages of life. Which wasn’t our fault nor are we to blame. The circumstances either from our childhood or adolescence years created an impact of how we moved throughout our adulthood. Whatever the circumstances we have experienced that has caused us pain, hurt or trauma it deserves acknowledging. It doesn’t matter what those ingredients are, as everyone in the world deserves to have their pain, hurt and trauma acknowledge and tenderly cared for.  

As young children we didn’t have a choice nor can we do much about our past. It’s not about staying there. It’s about learning and creating a different perspective. We have a choice to take in all the negative and bad things we got out of our experiences OR we can reclaim the fragments that we had to abandoned or that were taken from us. Either way, we do have free will for a reason. We get to choose either to stay or evolve. 

 Having to come to term with the reality of our childhood will bring in grief. We will grieve and mourn the parts of ourself that never had the chance to live. The parts and experiences our Inner Child didn’t experience nor did they had the chance to. - Life can be unfair at times and it sucks, I’m not going to tell anyone who is reading this otherwise. Because it does, it’s heartbreaking and disappointing that we didn’t receive the love, nurturing, care or tending to as a child. That’s why grief and mourning is an important part of healing and reclaiming these fragment of ourself.

When we begin to heal and rip off the rose coloured lenses we’ve cast on our upbringing. We will feel all sort of emotions. Which is normal. Naming and identity what emotions we are feeling is an IMPORTANT process. When we identify, label and put a name on a certain heaviness we are feeling it makes it lighter. It gives that emotion an identification. It’s important to give our emotions identities and naming them. Because when we do this, next time it comes to resurface we are able to recognise it. We won’t feel confused or distress about why we feel the way we do. Once identifying the emotion we can find where it stems from which will lead us to the root cause. 

 This process isn’t an overnight work to do, it’s a process that is done gradually and at each individuals pace. We can not rush healing or we can push our emotions out. Those two aspects have their own cycles. We can not force to have something resurface from our subconscious because we want it too. It doesn’t work like that.

Personally, for me, I send out an intention to having any unhelpful or toxic pattering, blueprints, programming or foundations I still unconsciously follow to come to the surface. And then letting it go, meaning letting go of how it’ll come to me. I’ve set out the intention and that’s all I can do. -  Our access to our subconscious is very limited and quite difficult to get into. It has its own way of processing and dealing with information. It doesn’t operate the way our consciousness does. Most of the time when something comes to surface from our subconscious it comes in the form of triggers. As triggers are just alarm clocks from the emotions within our subconscious. It’s a sign that we need to address and reclaim something from within. 

When reclaiming our Inner Child, there is a need to re-parent ourself. We need these aspects of compassion, kindness, empathy and nurturing towards ourself first before we can give it to our parents and others. How are we supposed to provide an emotionally safe space for others when we are not able to do that for ourself? When we neglect to give ourself the emotional needs we require, we will feel some sort of resentment towards anyone who is asking to provide that space for them from us. It’s about pouring and tending to our own cup before trying to fill everyone else’s. 

An example of an Inner Child wound: When our Inner Child is abandoned, it creates a Shadow aspect from our wounds. Where will abandon and neglect parts of our own self to be accepted and loved by others. It’s this constant seeking of approval and acceptance from others because that’s is what we needed as a child. So then we create relationship dynamics that will mirror that lack so we can become aware of the patterning. Which will provoke a choice of changing and transmuting the patterning. Another example is the tendency to people please which stems from codependency. Where we have created narratives and beliefs that we have to attach a condition or a hidden agenda to be loved, accepted or valued in society or our relationships. These are just a couple of examples, everyone will have different types of wounds and how they impacted their own lives. Different types of wounds also create Shadow aspects within us. Each individual has different and similar upbringing although it’s never the same. Where it’s not identical by all the details or the way an individual perceives it. - From wounds ties in with types of pattering that we use to operate in our day today. These types of patterning are partly conscious and the unconscious part of it is the root cause of behaviours, actions, and habits. 

It’s hard to be aware of our own blueprints and programming when we lack knowledge of how our mind works. Our mind is like a computer system where we have to put in programs and blueprints for it to work. So it can operate smoothly and each programming as its purpose on why it’s in the system. It is similar to our brain it has to have programming and blueprints to follow to be able to maneuver in life. We don’t just choose to do something because ‘it feels right’,  there is a subconscious programming we are following. Most of our programming and blueprints are subconscious; we operate a certain way although we are not sure where an action, behaviour or habit is rooted from. - Those blueprints and programming were created in our childhood. When we lack the knowledge of the KEY information of our nature and the way we operate. Which then we become unconscious of all these parts of ourself,

 That’s why when reparenting we have to give ourself the compassion, kindness and understanding so we can give it to your parents. - We can feel more than one emotions. We are multidimensional beings meaning we can feel as many emotions as long as we are not overwhelmed or causes distress. 

We can feel resentment and anger and also be grateful and appreciate towards our parents. As both of those emotions exist within us.

When are reclaiming we can not ignore one or another. It’s is about embracing ALL aspects of our self, for good or bad. Either way, they both bring healing which creates a different perspective and way of looking not just ourself but also others around us. Which also creates a restructuring on the infrastructures of our blueprints and programming. Which changes our relationship with ourself, others and how we move in life. 

Just be patient and be kind to ourself more. It’s not a race, nobody is up for gold metal or trophies. It’s about reclaiming ALL FRAGMENTS OF OURSELF from the mind, body and soul. Each and one of us are on our own journey and path. We are not supposed to compare ourself and our healing to others. It’s not supposed to be like that, we can’t reclaim our entire Divinity if we are looking over and comparing our fragments and journey to others. That creates gaps and illusions within our own path and journey. It’s important to ground in this concept and detach from a competitive mindset especially in regards to our healing and general life. 

We are not all supposed to be the same, we all came here to have different and unique experiences. If we were all the same, it would be bland and boring place to be in. Accepting all parts of ourself means the past and present while being open to the possibility of the future. Healing is simply embracing, acknowledging, tending and then reclaiming parts of ourself to fill the void we are experiencing.

Inner Child healing is an important process of our ascension and healing journey. When we embark on this journey we need to reclaim all fragments of ourself throughout our lives, from the beginning to the present. It’s a process and it’s not an overnight accomplishment. It’s about reclaiming OUR WHOLE ENTIRE DIVINITY, which will take time. The Inner Child healing is so empowering and liberating in the sense that we realise that we didn’t have control over our reality during those early stages. Although as adults when we do this type of healing we realise and reclaim the power of control within our reality. We realise that we can choose who we want to be now and that our past doesn’t define us. Nor as does it dictate where we are heading towards. - The past was simply stepping stones to gaining a level of perspective and maturity to embark on our chosen path. I’ve stated it before, Inner Child healing is not about living in the past it’s about claiming the parts we abandoned and detached from due to our circumstances. 

The past is the only set reality as it’s already happened, whereas the present moment is in between the unknown and certainty and the future is and will always be the unknown. Our past DOES NOT AND WILL NEVER DEFINE WHO ARE, WHO CAN BE AND WHAT WE CAN ACHIEVE IN THE FUTURE. 

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

My Truth On My Healing Journey

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Stepping into the Unknown:

When I decided to go back to therapy and look into what was going on with my mental health. It was scary, I've battled with mental illness from a young age. I have plenty of experiences of going to therapy and treatments. It was something I was never vocal about. I internalized shame and judgement within me that projected as hatred for the world. For a long time, I've battled with Depression and Anxiety they are a hell of a companion during my adolescent years creating this facade of a happy little gal going with the flow with life. When reality I didn't see myself living through my 20's. I was impulsive, naive to the point that I didn't care about myself or my future. Transitioning to adulthood was rough and masking my mental illness through partying, substance abuse and sex (the rock and roll lifestyle) didn't make it easier. I was confused and was just a very lost soul. I was diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety and Complex-PTSD in the recent relapse. Which was a blessing in disguise for me as it was the beginning of the journey of self-love and living my authentic self.

I'm sharing my personal experience of my journey through the form of writing as this is one of the creative ventures I've embodied and love. This is how I can express myself in an honest and creative way. I know how difficult it is and can be when embarking in this new path. I want people to know who do embark in this journey and path that they are not alone. That those feeling of difficulty, uncomfortable, self-doubts and negative thinking doesn't make them worthless or broken. We all have gone through experiences and have many influences from our external environment that makes us question our own greatness. Having a mental illness is not something to be ashamed or hide for us to internalize it and deal with alone.

We all have a different perspective and ways of going about our own journey. We need to be more vocal about mental health journey and express ourself in a way that will encourage others to do the same with their own journey of healing. It creates a ripple effect. One person stands up for what they believe in and others follow too as they have the same idea just didn't know to put it out there.  Going through mental illness alone creates an illusions on lonesome, that no one else in the world feels the way you do when reality many of us have felt some similar ways.

I am the walking example what healing and focusing on ourself does. We radiate like we have never been before. As we see our own beauty and greatness instead of relying on others to see it for us. We embark into the self-love and standing in authenticity. Mental illness is b*tch no doubt. I am a walking example that mental illness can be concurred. It's a journey but it is a journey differently worth embarking on. 

Self-love intertwines with healing, it's a tool that is needed in the journey of life. I believe that we need to be able to learn how to provide love for ourself from ourself. It's a tool that helps us thrive in life not just in one area but in all areas. When we thrive and feel the love for ourself our self-worth and self-esteem begin to rise. It's just the process of the love we give ourself, we then begin to learn to embrace all parts of ourself creating unconditional love from within. Our standards and tolerance will change as well as how we view ourself and move through life. There is no need to feel guilty for not being able to relate to things that we use too, it is part of growth and maturing. We do need to process this guilt through grieving. We do feel that sense of loss and grief when we have outgrown certain things, people, environment etc. 

Self-love is not a 9-5 job, it is a 24/7 work we have to do for ourself. It is a work that is doable and requires our attention. Self-love is not always easy and at the beginning of this journey requires a larger effort from us. From personal experience from someone who was never been great at providing self-love to themself, this process took a lot of energy to do in the beginning. Just like any habit and re-wiring our thinking pattern it will take time and effort for it to become second nature. There are many layers to self-love and different ways of providing that for ourself. Others will have different ways of defining and part-taking in activities that embody self-love. Although it comes from the foundations of love, compassionate, nurturing, caring and providing for ourself.

Harsh Truth(s):

From my experience of learning to love self, it's a continuous learning process. There are many layers to loving ourself and sometimes the act of self-love is not always easy and glamourous. Sometimes self-love is letting certain people go. Not because they are bad people because we are not compatible with them anymore. As life goes go and we grow older there is a shift of distance that begins. It's one of the natural processes of life and relationships, we tend to grow apart from people due from maturing and re-constructing our way of living. This isn't just with romantic relationships. This goes with all types of relationships. There are times we have to let go of certain connections in order for new ones to come in. - That's why there are times self-love requires us to stand in our own power and greatness alone. 

Sometimes self-love requires us to let go of not just people, but habits and behaviours. As they are no longer serving us, they are creating more harm and anxiety than pouring into our cup of love. Letting go of habits and behaviours that have helped during the process of our journey can be difficult. Although letting go and detaching is a process we do during our healing but also in life. It is an important skill to have to be able to listen to our inner knowing when it's time to let go. - Reminder; it is not always because something is bad, it's the compatibility aspect of it. 

When we are not compatible with (example) a social group, those relationships become forced and requires so much effort to keep up with. I'm not saying that relationships are smooth sailing and rainbows and sunshine 24/7, although it is not supposed to feel forced, draining or create anxiety. That's one indication that it might be time to let go. 

We are not doing it out of spite, but out of love for ourself. 

When I began to pull back my energy to heal and look after myself. I realised how much of my energy and availability I was pouring out to others because I was constantly trying to seek validation, acceptance, love and a way of escape of my own thoughts. I didn't come to any of these realisations until poured my energy back to me. That's the real harsh truth I had to accept and come to terms with. That I was embodied in a 21 years old adult running around with my blueprints and programming from my wounded Inner Child; wanting to be seen and heard by others who didn't even listen to their voice. Once we begin to lose the crowd and stand in our own we have epiphanies that will give us the courage to stand on our own. 

Courage isn't gain without fear. There is a need for fear with courage. We transmute fear through the actions we take which then creates this new energy source of courage. 

I don't regret any of my past decisions as they've gotten me to where I am today; the person that I am from within and it wasn't formed overnight nor was it done with no effort and work. I had to make to hard and uncomfortable decisions base on the love I had and desire for myself. With those decisions, I had to stand in them and embrace the Unknown. Because for me self-love was the Unknown, believing in myself was the Unknown, voicing my beliefs and sharing my work was the Unknown. Any time we step out of our comfort zone, whether it's embarking into healing our mental health, learning to love ourself or confessing our love for someone. Those are the Unknown, without us even being aware we step into the Unknown many of times without even realisations. 

Don't lose faith in our journeys, it is a learning process and a process we will do our entire life. Which is why we have to faith in ourself. Each cycle and phrases are not going to the same what so ever. As we finish a cycle and begin to embark in a new one, we began to realise that we needed to go through certain experiences from the past cycles to have a certain tool, skill or a form of maturity to be able to embark in the new one. 

HEALING AND SPIRITUALITY: 

When we embark on this path of self-love and healing there is a need to practise patience, letting go, surrendering to the things we can not control. All of these aspects need practising. 

That's why I believe and stand by the idea that healing and spirituality go hand and hand. When we do get that phrase of 'waiting' we practice letting go and surrendering. Something that is promoted within spiritual practises. 

Our healing is something we can control. We make the decisions with the changes and how we perceive the things we can not control. Such as world events, others behaviours and other external things. With healing, because it is from within that is something we have control over. We have control over perception, behaviour, habits and opportunity we embark in, people we surround ourself, the content we are watching, listening etc. We have control over own on body, mind and soul. Once we learn to control all parts of ourself (body, mind and soul) we begin to fall into this contentment and peace. That even if there is chaos going around there is this sense of peace and contentment within. 

When we feel like we have fallen back two steps down, it is not because we are failing but simply because we are needed to gain a different perspective on those levels we have fallen down on. Creating clarity and growth which then moves us up a different level of where we have fallen off in the first place. 

This is a learning process and something we practise throughout our lifetime. That is what really life is about, which is this constant learning of oneself and the constant gain of different perspective which evolve our body, mind and soul. 

TERRACOTTA WARRIORS & CAI GUO-QIANG EXHIBITION AT THE NATIONAL GALLERY OF VICTORIA NGV

Be Kinder, Less Critical